


Phoenix

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-23
Updated: 2007-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 83,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: As Jed and Abbey prepare for the birth of their child, Abbey's stress in the aftermath of the attack jeopardizes her pregnancy; Lizzie wants to be a leader; Ellie doesn't want another brother or sister; when Jed campaigns for change, he faces threats of being voted out of office





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Elizabeth awoke with a jolt, cringing with every buzz from the alarm clock above her head. She silenced it with a forceful slam of her hand before snaking her arm back under the covers.

It's an age-old custom that spans beyond the barriers of time. In every house in America, children crawl further under their blankets, they dig themselves deeper into their beds, and tune out the rest of the world. Anything to avoid the inevitable reminders that it's the first day of school. 

Denial is a wonderful thing, as long as parents don't get in the way.

\"Lizzie,\" Jed called out softly as he knocked her door. No reply. \"Lizzie, time to wake up.\" He waited and still nothing. He opened it a crack, just enough for his voice to carry through the gap. \"Lizzie, Sweetie, it's time to get up.\"

Her pillow was pressed hard across her face and her hands muffled her ears. But she could hear his footsteps. He was getting closer, so she rolled away from his prying eyes. \"I'm not ready yet. Five more minutes.\"

So predictable. \"I'll give you three.\" About as predictable as Jed's chuckle as he left her room.

\"Hey!\" Abbey approached him dressed in her sweats, her wet hair tied with a clip. \"Are they up?\"

\"Oh yeah. Up, showered, and ready to face the day,\" he replied sarcastically.

\"I was just asking.\" She returned his grin. 

\"Tell you what, you work on your Baby Doll. I'll get Ellie.\" He turned from her and in that split second before he took his first step, Abbey lowered her hand and playfully swatted his rear. Caught off-guard, he flipped his head over his shoulder to throw her a flirtatious wink. \"Don't do it unless you mean it.\"

\"Oh, I mean it. You'll find out how much tonight.\" Abbey cocked her head to the side and disappeared behind Lizzie's door, leaving Jed with just a twinge of excitement. 

Shrugging himself back to reality, Jed donned a warm smile as he entered Ellie's room. The little girl's small frame was completely buried under her blanket. A few strawberry blonde curls peeked out over the top, the only visible sign that she was there. He walked quietly to her bed and sat on the edge.

\"Sweetie, are you ready to wake up?\" He shook her lightly. \"It's time to get ready for school.\" He applied gentle pressure to her forearm to roll her onto her back. \"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, open your eyes.\" He noticed they were already open.

She creased her brows and immediately rubbed her face as if she had been awake for a while. \"I don't wanna go, Daddy.\"

He was a bit surprised. Lizzie and Abbey had spent weeks getting her ready. No other little girl would be as well-dressed, well-groomed, and more prepared for the first day of kindergarten. \"Why don't you want to go?\"

\"I don't feel good,\" she said sadly as she curled her arm over her tummy.

\"Do you have a stomach ache?\" She nodded. \"Can I see?\" She nodded again as he glided his hand under the hem of her shirt and tenderly pressed her abdomen the way Abbey taught him. \"Does it feel like you're going to get sick?\" Yet another nod. \"Okay, Princess, just relax. I'll get Mommy.\"

As he entered the hallway, he couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Lizzie walking sluggishly out of her room, her movements directed by her mother's hands glued to her shoulders. 

\"Why are you so mean to me?\" Lizzie asked with a voice still groggy from sleep.

\"It's my job,\" Abbey answered before spotting Jed standing just a few feet away. \"Where's Ellie?\"

\"She's sick.\"

\"Sick?\" Ellie was rarely sick. \"What's the matter?\"

\"Her stomach.\"

Abbey let go of her older daughter and joined Jed. As they both turned their backs, Lizzie spun around to head back to her room.

\"Don't you dare go back to sleep!\" Abbey called out.

\"I won't,\" Lizzie called back. 

It was an obvious lie. The slamming of the door pretty much made that clear. Abbey led out an exasperated breath, then continued her trek to Ellie's room.

Ellie sat up as soon as she saw her parents. \"Mommy, I don't feel good.\"

\"I know, Sweetie. Lie back.\" Abbey pushed delicately on her shoulders to help her rest against the pillow as she lifted the bottom of her shirt and pulled on the elastic on her pants. \"Does that hurt?\" she asked, pressing her fingers against the lower right side of the little girl's stomach. 

Ellie shook her head. \"No.\"

\"How about when I let go?\" She lifted her hand. \"Does that hurt?\"

Again, Ellie shook her head. \"No.\" 

Jed stood above mother and daughter and watched his wife intently as Abbey checked for a fever. \"What is it?\" 

She didn't know. \"Can you show Mommy where it hurts?\"

Ellie ran her palm over her midsection. \"All over.\"

\"It feels kinda weird, huh?\" Ellie nodded. \"It's not really painful though, is it? Just very shaky?\"

\"Uh huh.\" 

Abbey smiled as she leaned forward to lovingly clear Ellie's face of intruding strands of hair. \"Sweetie, you have butterflies in your tummy.\"

\"Butterflies?\"

\"Yep!\"

\"Get them out!\" Ellie ordered with a look of outrage that amused Jed.

\"Not real butterflies. It's just a feeling and it's perfectly normal, Sweetheart,\" he interjected, taking a seat next to Abbey. \"Everyone feels that way when they're nervous. Are you a little scared about your first day of school?\"

She didn't dare utter those words. How could she admit to any kind of fear when all summer long her head was filled with stories of how her big sister embraced the idea of starting school? 

Ashamed of her feelings, Ellie avoided his stare until she felt her mother's hand cupping her chin to lift her head. \"Yeah.\" A soft-spoken admission.

\"Why are you scared?\" Clearly, Dad just didn't understand. \"You're going to have so much fun today! Ask Lizzie. The first day of kindergarten was the best day of her life.\" And there it was again. 

Jed never meant to hurt Ellie's pride or tarnish her confidence, but, unbeknownst to him, his enthusiasm and constant praise of Lizzie pulled at Ellie's heart. She wasn't excited. She wasn't happy. She wasn't like Lizzie. She was different and in her youthful eyes, 'different' wasn't acceptable. 

Abbey twisted her head towards her husband. \"Speaking of Lizzie, can you make sure she's up?\" 

The arduous task he hoped to avoid. Elizabeth may have loved the first day of school at age five, but by age eleven, the novelty had worn off. The night before had been spent marking the days on a calendar displayed prominently over her bed, a countdown to Christmas vacation.

Jed and Abbey had struggled enough. This time, Jed stood outside her door and simply raised his voice. \"Elizabeth Ann, if you don't get yourself up and dressed in the next five minutes, your mom's going to make you eat cantaloupe for breakfast.\" He looked to the side, expecting that Abbey would poke her head around the corner of Ellie's doorway to shoot him an incredulous stare. He wasn't disappointed. \"It always works on me,\" he teased in response.

Like father, like daughter. Only seconds later, Lizzie opened her door and headed to the bathroom without another word of protest. Jed grinned triumphantly in the face of Abbey's disapproval as he brushed right past her to start breakfast.

Meals in the Bartlet household were not as structured as some might expect. With Abbey's hectic hospital schedule and Jed's commute to and from Concord during the legislative session, the dining table provided little consistency for solid conversation. But all that would soon change - if Jed had his way.

\"Can I go to Amy's after school?\" Lizzie asked as she poured syrup over her French Toast in that hurried manner her father detested. 

\"Maybe. Call me after school,\" Abbey replied.

\"You have to be home for dinner.\" Jed looked squarely at his two daughters. \"We're trying something new this year.\"

\"Something new?\"

\"From now on, we're all going to come to dinner ready to discuss more than just went happened at school.\"

What else is there, Lizzie thought. \"Like what?\" 

\"Like politics, news, current events, something more substantial than who had the best lunch box.\" He looked to Abbey, who gave him a reassuring nod.

\"Dad, I'm in sixth grade now. Next year, I'll be in junior high.\" It was important that everyone remember that. \"No one has a lunchbox.\"

Jed gasped in horror, feigning tremendous regret. \"My mistake.\"

The move didn't draw a laugh from Ellie. Instead, she dropped her fork in confusion. \"But I don't know that stuff.\"

\"You can talk about anything that interests you and I'll help you, Sweetie,\" Abbey offered. \"We'll come up with all kinds of fascinating things.\" 

\"When do we have to start?\" Lizzie wasn't excited by the prospect. 

\"Tonight.\"

\"Tomorrow night.\" Abbey exchanged a glance with her husband as he waited silently for an explanation. \"Tonight, we have something else we have to discuss.\" 

Definitely enough to pique Liz's interest. \"What?\" 

\"We'll tell you tonight.\"

\"Why can't we know now?\"

Now he understood. With the first trimester safely behind them, it was time to tell the girls about the baby. \"Because she said we'll tell you tonight. Go get your backpack. You're going to miss the bus.\" 

As Lizzie left the table, Abbey followed Jed's gaze over to Ellie who sat quietly and scribbled her fork around the syrup. \"Aren't you hungry, Sweetie?\"

She shook her head. \"I still don't feel good.\"

\"Okay. Why don't you go grab that brand new bag Daddy bought you and I'll pack you an apple to take along?\"

Jed watched Ellie stand up and reluctantly retreat into her bedroom. \"Do you think she's okay?\" Hearing no response, his attention faltered, settling on Abbey suspiciously eying his mug. \"Abbey?\"

\"What?\"

He curled his fingers tighter around the center. \"Give me a break. It's been four months!\"

\"It's harder than you think, Jed.\"

\"Are we really going to go through this every morning?\"

\"Every morning you drink coffee.\"

\"Well, lucky for you I usually drink it at work.\" He took a quick sip before approaching the sink.

\"You're evil.\"

\"You're right, I am,\" he chuckled as he dumped the rest of the coffee. \"From now on, no more coffee for me either. Not until you have this baby.\"

\"Oh please. You can't possibly be serious.\"

\"Why not?\"

\"A little thing called willpower, Jed. You have none.\"

He was insulted by the accusation. \"I bet you I can stay away from coffee for the next five months.\"

\"What are we betting?\"

\"Something good. You come up with it.\"

\"Okay, but coffee's too easy. You really want to make a bet that proves to me you have willpower...\" Her eyes fell to his shirt pocket.

\"No! No way!\"

\"I thought you were out to prove a point. What does it say about you if you can't part with your beloved cigarettes for a few months?\"

He held his chest protectively, shielding her from the pack. \"That isn't going to work and you know it.\"

\"You're just lucky men don't get pregnant.\" That old stand-by. Jed would never win this one. Luckily, he didn't have to try.

\"Ready!\" Lizzie announced, halting the conversation. 

Ellie stood beside her, her expression bleak and unhappy. \"Me too.\"

Jed reached for the camera sitting on the counter and flashed a picture of his daughters, hand-in-hand. Ellie struggled to keep a hold on the gray and pink shoulder bag that kept slipping off her outfit. The pink knitted dress with white piping, white ankle socks, and shiny pink maryjanes was an ensemble she had picked out all by herself, one that was supposed to help calm her nerves. Sadly, it didn't.

Lizzie looked a bit more grown-up in her blue and purple plaid skirt and white ruffled blouse. Both smiled wide enough to show their sparkling teeth. One looked forward to the challenge of a new year in a new grade. The other barely held herself together to avoid the flood of tears that simmered inside. 

The foursome made their way towards the bus stop, a short trip just around the corner from the house. Too short a trip for Ellie. She trailed behind her sister, each agonizing step bringing her that much closer to the muddled emotions that threatened to erupt. As she witnessed the other kids laughing and chasing each other down the grassy knoll, her anxiety became more prominent, more noticeable to her parents.

\"Ellie?\" Abbey kneeled down in front of the frightened girl. \"What is it?\"

\"They're so big.\" Her aqua-colored eyes, twice their normal size now, were transfixed on all the other children.

\"It's elementary school. There are some kids your age...\" she pointed to another little girl. \"...like her, and there are others who are Lizzie's age.\"

\"They're all nice, Ellie. I'll show you.\" Lizzie tried to take her hand, but Ellie let go in favor of her mother's.

\"Don't you want to go wait with Lizzie?\" Ellie shook her head.

\"Sweetheart, we talked about this, remember? Lizzie's going to help you find your classroom. You have to go with her.\" Jed's prodding didn't seem to help, despite the loving voice he used to sweet-talk her. He crouched down beside Abbey, eye-level with his daughter.

\"I don't wanna go!\" she snapped at her father.

\"Eleanor, you have to go,\" Jed insisted, still using a gentle tone.

She swung her waist away from Jed. \"Mommy, I don't wanna go.\"

\"Look, Ellie, the bus is coming!\" Lizzie made one last attempt to take her hand out of Abbey's, but Ellie pulled away and clasped her fingers in front of her. \"I'll let you sit by the window.\"

\"Okay, okay.\" Abbey intervened when she sensed Ellie's discomfort growing. \"Lizzie, you go ahead. I'll be here to walk you home this afternoon.\"

\"You said I can go to Amy's after school.\"

Awfully brazen of her, Abbey noted. \"No. I said you can call me after school and ask me. Now I'm saying I want you to come home.\"

\"Why?\"

\"Don't argue about it now. Go to school and we'll talk about it later.\" Jed gave her a kiss goodbye.

\"Okay. I'll call Mom after school to ask,\" she cheerfully declared as she ran to board the bus. 

Jed tried to direct Ellie in the same direction. \"Don't you want to get on the bus with your sister? You're a big girl now.\"

\"Stop,\" Abbey instructed as she took Ellie's hand and began walking back to the house.

\"Abbey, she has to go to school.\"

\"She's going. I'm going to take her.\"

\"Let her get on the bus.\"

\"She doesn't want to.\"

Ellie lowered her head in hopes this wasn't the start of a fight.

\"She'll be fine once she gets on.\" Ignoring him, Abbey continued walking. \"You're not doing her any favors!\" Jed's voice had strengthened considerably.

\"Jed...\"

\"When Lizzie started kindergarten, you and I WANTED to take her to school. She insisted she wanted to ride the bus and she loved it. Every minute of it.\"

Abbey bit her lip to avoid the confrontation she didn't want to have in front of their young daughter. As they entered the house, she let go of Ellie's hand. \"Go wash your face, Sweetie.\" After hearing the bathroom door click shut, she turned to face Jed. \"Would you please stop it?\"

\"What?\"

\"Stop comparing them! You've been doing it all summer and all you're doing is hurting her feelings!\"

\"Whose?\"

\"Whose?\" Abbey repeated. \"Ellie's!\"

He was dumbfounded. \"How am I hurting her feelings? She walks around here all the time saying she wants to be just like Lizzie.\"

\"SHE says it. It's one thing for her to say it. It's quite another for you to be gloating about Lizzie all morning, making her feel that if she doesn't live up to your expectations and get on that bus just as bravely as her big sister, you're going to be disappointed.\"

\"I never said that!\"

\"You don't have to say it to a four year old for them to believe it.\" She softened her approach as she stared into his glassy blue eyes. \"I know you're not going to be disappointed in her. But, Jed, she's just a little girl. Don't count on her knowing it too.\"

Genuinely astonished by Abbey's words, he bent down to scoop Ellie up into his arms the moment she left the bathroom. She resisted at first, but eventually surrendered to the kiss he placed on her cheek.

\"You want Mommy to take you to school?\" he asked.

\"Yeah.\"

He wiggled her slightly when she turned her head away from him. \"Hey, look at me.\" She obliged. \"Can I come too? Would that be okay?\"

Her hesitation broke his heart, but seconds later, Ellie nodded. \"Yeah.\"

\"I love you, Princess.\"

\"I love you too.\"

Abbey smiled as she stroked Ellie's back. No, she wasn't like Lizzie. She was her own person with her own likes and dislikes, her own personality far removed from her big sister's. It didn't make her any less acceptable to either of her parents. But while Abbey was able to embrace both her girls freely, Jed struggled to understand their vast differences. 

Regardless, to him, Ellie was no less worthy of his love and adoration. But to four-year-old Ellie, this incident was just the tip of an iceberg that would lead to a lifetime of chilly misconceptions.

TBC


	2. Phoenix

The spellbinding scent of a new school is enough to startle any kindergartner, sparking renewed apprehension and possibly even fear. Ellie's emotions overwhelmed her tiny body. Every step her parents took in approach to her classroom was met with great reservation, her steps becoming smaller, her fingers coiling tighter around her mother's. 

"Why do I have to go?" she asked as her feet shuffled across the slippery linoleum.

"Because school is fun. I know you're scared now, but you're going to love it once you get to know the other kids."

"Why do I have to go to school at all?" 

Jed walked beside Abbey with his hands stuffed in his pocket. His own expression grew more somber with every passing second. "Maybe it's too soon," he whispered. "Maybe she should start next year."

That was a bit of a shock. Abbey slowed her pace to get a good look at her husband. The man who earlier insisted Ellie board the school bus. The man who was now arguing that it was too early for her to go to school. "What?"

"Lets give her a year. Now that I think about it, Lizzie was five when she started."

"Lizzie was five because her birthday is in March. Ellie turns five in three weeks. Do you really want her to miss an entire year because of three weeks?"

"I'm just saying maybe she's not ready."

Or Jed just wasn't ready. His guilt was eating away at him. And the fact that Ellie had basically stopped walking and was now being dragged by Abbey only made his remorse more prominent.

Now it all made sense. "You're trying to make up for before. You're upset about what I said about comparing the girls and now want to make up for it by taking her home."

"I just don't want to push her." If there was one thing Jed Bartlet took pride in, it was how he treated his girls. Today, he felt he failed.

"Sometimes a little pushing isn't completely out of line," Abbey assured with a squeeze of his hand. "She does have to go to school. She just doesn't have to ride the bus. Not until she gets use to it."

As they entered the classroom, Abbey crouched down to Ellie's level. The little girl turned with her as she pointed to all the children her own age. Some sat on the royal blue throw carpet, whispering secrets to one another, while others ran around the room, playing and giggling, and still others hugged Mommy and Daddy goodbye with the same look of sadness that was plastered across the four-year-old's face.

There was an empty chalkboard beside the teacher's desk and another one, much lower, right next to it. A white board also stood nearby, the words "Welcome to Mrs. King's Kindergarten Class" written with red marker. Small work stations were spread throughout the classroom and each table was lined with four autumn leaves, each with a child's name. 

"Look, Ellie, here's your seat." Jed picked up the leaf that read 'Eleanor B.' and held out his hand for her to follow. She stumbled over to her father, nearly tripping over her own two feet, a result of her scattered nerves. He grabbed her arm just before her spill and lifted her into the air. 

When a cheerful voice called out, "Eleanor!" from behind, Ellie turned around to see the red-headed woman. "Hi there! You're just as pretty as you were on Parent's Night. Remember me - Mrs. King?"

That was enough to draw the first smile of the day. She did remember Mrs. King. "Hi," Ellie replied as Jed lowered her to the ground.

"We're going to have so much fun this year! We're going to get to do all kinds of interesting stuff!" She bent down and leaned forward to rest her hands on her knees. "Do you like to color?"

Ellie nodded. "Uh huh."

"Well, look at this." Mrs. King handed her a coloring book and a pack of small crayons. "That's all yours. Why don't you color a nice picture to take home to Mom and Dad tonight?"

"Okay." Ellie took her seat to begin her assignment, her timid demeanor now a little more relaxed. 

"She's scared," Jed warned. 

"Aren't they all?" Mrs. King replied. "It's good to see you both again."

"You too, Andrea. Thank you for keeping her occupied."

"I'm sorry about the chaos in here. I do have an assistant who will be teaching with me, but he's not here today."

"Who is he?" Abbey asked.

"Michael Chappelle. You probably haven't heard of him. He's just in his second year."

Abbey's face lost a single shade of color. "Does he...I mean, have you..." 

Andrea reassuringly cupped the back of her hand. "He's fine. He knows the situation."

With Abbey's attacker still not identified, it was important that Ellie and Lizzie's teachers be aware of the events of the summer. 

"I'm just a little worried because in addition to everything else, Ellie's so shy." Abbey couldn't take her eyes off her young daughter. "She does seem to like you though."

"We'll work with her shyness. Believe me, there are many kids just like her. She'll be fine."

A little reassurance went a long way. Abbey's edginess was a direct reflection of her daughter's. She rested her palms on the table and kneeled down to Ellie's side to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"Uh huh." Lost in the task of perfecting her coloring skills, Ellie was too busy to look up at her mother.

"Daddy and I have to go, but I'll be here to pick you up at 12."

That got her attention. She held the crayon in between her little fingers and lifted her head. "You can't stay?"

Jed's presence surprised her from the opposite side. "No, we can't, Princess. But when I get home tonight, how about I take you out for some ice cream to celebrate your first day? Would you like that?"

She nodded sadly. It wasn't like this was unexpected. She was a bright girl and she'd been tutored for weeks on what was to happen on the first day of school. But all the coaching in the world couldn't stop the down-turned mouth that now replaced her perky smile.

"Ellie, you like Mrs. King, don't you?" Abbey asked. She nodded again. "She's going to take good care of you. And I want to hear all about what you did today when I come to get you." 

"Okay." Ellie allowed the crayon to slip from her fingers. 

"Sweetheart, you're going to have fun." 

Jed picked up one of the abandoned crayons and began to color Ellie's picture. "Let me guess, you want his eyes to be brown?"

"No, they have to be blue."

"Why blue?"

"Because your eyes are blue."

"Is this Daddy?" Abbey held up the drawing.

"Uh huh. And that's you, Mommy," she said, pointing to the drawing of a woman.

"So this is going to be a really nice picture, right? One we'll put on the fridge tonight?"

She bit down on her bottom lip as she looked at her father. Now she had a goal. She had to make sure the picture was absolutely perfect and worthy of its spot on the refrigerator. "Yeah!"

"You're going to do a GREAT job! I can't wait to see this!" His enthusiasm energized her as he pulled her head to his lips for one last kiss. 

Once she was fully captivated by her coloring, Jed took Abbey's hand and led her out of the classroom. Both hesitant, they had finally made their way outside the building when Abbey took a sharp turn towards the kindergarten wing.

"What are you doing?" Jed reluctantly followed.

"I just want to make sure she's not crying." 

She framed her hands around the sides of her face and peered her eyes over the middle frame to see Ellie sitting at her table, content with her assignment. Another little girl pulled out the chair beside her and buried her chin in the small hole she shaped with her folded arms. After a glance, Ellie pushed her pack of crayons towards her tablemate, then tore out a blank drawing from her coloring book and set it beside her. 

Jed's eyes shined with subtle tears as he took in the image of his generous daughter. "You were right."

"Of course I was." Abbey grinned, her face still pointed towards the window. "About what?"

"Bringing her here ourselves. Maybe we should have brought Lizzie when she started kindergarten."

"You said yourself, Lizzie WANTED to get on the bus."

"At first she did. But she hesitated when she saw the bus pull up," he recalled. "I pushed her."

Abbey had no idea her words had cut him so deeply. She flipped her head and leaned her shoulder against the brick wall. "And as soon as she got on, she made friends with another little girl. I remember that day, Jed. She was happy." 

"Yeah."

Her arms clasped in front of her, her smile faded pretty quickly, a result of the regret she now felt. "Honey, I didn't mean to make you doubt every move you've ever made with the girls."

"I'm not."

"You're doubting this," she countered. "You're a wonderful father, Jed. The only reason you were encouraging Ellie this morning is because you were trying to help her. Not hurt her."

"I didn't realize how scary this was for her," he admitted as he turned from the window and rested his back against the wall. "When I started school, my dad didn't walk me to my class. He left for work early that day and just told my mother to point me in the direction of the school when it was time. He said I had to be a man about it."

Abbey reached out, stroking her hand lovingly over his arm. "That must have been hard."

"It wasn't bad. I thought it would be, but actually, it worked for me. I didn't cry like some of the other kids. I was happy to be there. That's why it never seemed like taking the girls would be that big a deal."

"Yeah."

"Your parents took you, didn't they?"

Abbey nodded. "But it was different. We were within walking distance and there wasn't a bus. That's the thing that drew Lizzie's attention. Ellie's too, at first." She took his hand in hers. "And stop remembering it wrong."

"I'm remembering it wrong?"

"Yes! Lizzie was scared at first, but she had seen that bus a hundred times. The second she sat down, another little girl sat beside her and she was absolutely thrilled. When she got home that afternoon, the first thing she said was that she was a big girl now."

Jed smiled, allowing a breath to escape his lips almost like a weak laugh. "I do remember that." He swung Abbey's hand under his arm as they headed towards their car. 

Yet another lesson on the long road to learning how to be a perfect parent. It was a journey that Jed began the day Elizabeth was born and one that would continue until the day he died. Sometimes, he excelled without even trying. Other times, he became engulfed in a tedious game of regret, second-guessing every decision and analyzing every word. 

And soon, the road would get even rockier. The birth of the third Bartlet baby was only five months away and suddenly, there was a new father/child relationship to look forward to. 

But before the new baby could soak up all of Mom and Dad's attention, it was time to tell the girls. 

Expecting screams of joy, Abbey was disappointed by the grim response. Lizzie was only mildly interested this time. She may have wanted a little sister years earlier, but by now, the novelty had worn off. She loved Ellie with all her heart and she welcomed the chance to love another baby just as much, but the excitement was gone. Now it was simply a matter of logistics.

"So where's the baby going to sleep?"

"Well, for the time being, he'll sleep in his crib in our room," Abbey answered.

"Then what?"

"Then we'll see," Jed added, conveniently omitting the possibility that he and Abbey were considering a move to the farm the following year.

"Are you sure it's a boy?"

"It's a boy!" Abbey declared.

"It's a girl!" Jed exclaimed at the same moment. 

Lizzie smiled as she went back to twirling her fork around her lasagna sauce. "Do I have to change diapers?"

"You always wanted to help change Ellie's diaper."

"Yeah, but it's gross." Clearly, she was growing up.

"Your mother and I don't expect you to be this kid's second Mom. If you want to help us out every once in a while, that would be great, but you won't be expected to do anything you really don't want to do. Fair enough?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Fair enough."

"Well," Abbey interjected. "We might ask you to babysit."

"Really?!" Being asked to babysit was different, at least at this stage.

"Not now. When you're a little older."

"I knew it!" Her shoulders collapsed and her back fell against her chair with the cruel knowledge that she still wasn't old enough for such adult responsibilities. 

Jed met Abbey's eyes, directing her gaze over to Ellie. "Ellie, are you okay?"

She looked up bashfully. "Uh huh."

"Aren't you excited about the baby?" She shrugged as she stared at her father. "You're going to have a little brother or sister to play with. Won't that be fun?" Another shrug.

Abbey pulled her chair closer to her younger daughter. "And when this baby is old enough, you're going to be able to teach him or her all kinds of new things, just like Lizzie does with you. Don't you think you'll like that?"

This time, she nodded. "I get to be the big sister."

"You sure do!" Jed confirmed as she stroked the top of her hair. 

Her face lit up with a smile that Jed immediately returned. After Ellie's initial silence, he was comforted in knowing they had her support. 

Abbey wasn't as convinced.

"Did Ellie say anything about the baby when you guys went out for ice cream?" she asked him when they were alone.

"No, why?"

"Do you really think she's okay with this?"

His search for a pack of cigarettes monopolizing his thoughts, he wasn't too concerned about anything else. "She's fine."

Abbey leaned back against the sofa, a book in her hand and reading glasses slowly creeping down her nose. "I don't think she is."

"Why wouldn't she be?" His voice carried through from the kitchen as he slammed the cabinet doors.

"That's the million-dollar question. Lizzie loved the idea of having a little sister!"

"Maybe it's because you insist this baby is a boy," he reasoned, walking out of the kitchen and resting against a corner.

She glanced up over her frames. "It is a boy."

"Yeah. Where are they?"

"Where are what?" 

"My cigarettes. I've looked all over the house and I can't find them."

She adjusted her glasses and went back to reading. "That should be a clue."

"Abbey."

"Keep looking."

"Abigail, it's bad enough you won't let me smoke in the house..."

She dropped her book onto her legs. "Excuse me, we have two kids living in this house, not to mention the fact that I'm pregnant."

"...but when you hide my cigarettes, I become very cranky."

"Like I'm not used to that," she mumbled softly, repositioning the book in front of her eyes.

"It's not funny!"

She sat up against the cushions, her legs falling to the floor to offer him a place to sit. He accepted. "You've been promising me for a long time now that you would try to quit."

"I have tried."

"For more than three hours, Jed." He chuckled. "I'm not trying to be mean. I just worry about you, Honey."

He never doubted that, but it was sweet hearing it nonetheless. "I know."

"If you're serious about trying to quit, this is the perfect time, especially with your little willpower speech this morning."

"Is this part of a bet?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Okay, let's hear it. What's the bet?"

She tossed her glasses over her shoulder and moved closer to him. "If you can stay away from your smokes for the duration of my pregnancy, once I heal, I'll do whatever you want for two whole weeks."

"That's not really a bet, Abbey," he teased. "You know I won't feel comfortable ordering you around."

With a light nibble to his ear, she replied, "Not like that. Like this."

"Hmm?" He turned towards her, his brows raised in anticipation.

"Yeah."

"So I stay away for five months and you..."

"Anything you want for two solid weeks." It was a safe enough wager. Jed would never suggest she do something she wasn't comfortable doing anyway.

"Does that include wearing special little garments of my choosing?"

"Anything."

This had possibilities. Just the idea stirred his desire. But there was one more thing he wanted. "And..."

She stopped her flirtatious seduction. "And?"

"You have to stay off my back for six months." Her constant lectures about the dangers of tobacco had been the source of many arguments.

Silence lingered between them as she contemplated his terms. "Only six months," she finally agreed, reluctantly. "And you still can't smoke in the house."

"Give me some credit. I wouldn't do that to you or the girls or to our new baby," he assured her as he rubbed her belly and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "So what if you win?"

"You have to admit that men have zero willpower."

"Problem."

"What?"

"I don't think the men of the world have nominated me as their official spokesperson."

"That's just because they haven't met you." She winked at him. "If I win, you have to do whatever I want for two weeks."

"We're talking about the other thing again, right? I mean, you won't be ordering me to cook dinner."

"Believe me, dinner won't be part of it." Her soft-spoken words, whispered discretely into his ear, aroused him beyond belief.

His eyes drifted towards the ceiling as sexually suggestive ideas popped in his mind. "I can live with that." 

"And you're on diaper duty for the first month." She figured she could sneak that in since she was doing so well.

He took a deep breath to collect himself and the bit of sexual lust that disappeared at the word 'diaper' before pushing his body towards her, forcing her to recline. "You drive a tough bargain, you know that?"

"Do you accept the bet?" She laughed as he attempted to steal another kiss.

"Yes, I accept the bet."

"Wait!" she called out. "Jed, wait!"

He sat up quickly. "What?"

"Shake."

After a fast handshake, he grabbed the backs of her knees and slid her down the sofa until she was relaxed comfortably on her back. With their legs entangled, his kisses became more passionate, leaving a warm trail from her lips to her cheek to the soft flesh of her neck. She moaned with every gentle caress. 

Suddenly, smoking a cigarette was the last thing on his mind. 

 

TBC


	3. Phoenix

Jed stood on the stoop, eyeing the front door with a kind of trepidation he hadn't experienced before. This was home, his private oasis where he was free to be who he was. Problem was, he hadn't really been himself for the better part of a week. 

His apprehension grew as he took a few calming breaths in an effort to clear his mind of the cobwebbed emotions that were likely to erupt without much cause. 

Nicotine withdrawal was a terrible thing. 

It had been four days since he agreed to that foolish bet with Abbey. Four days since the soothing feel of a cigarette was firmly nestled between his lips. Four days since he inhaled the forbidden vapors that served to fill a craving only a fellow smoker would understand. The desire for a cigarette hadn't disappeared. While the physical urge had lessened slightly, the psychological yearning was cruel and unwavering, monopolizing his thoughts and provoking his actions. 

With another deep breath, he slowly reached for the doorknob. 

"Hi," he greeted Abbey without so much as a glance. 

Abbey flipped her head towards him before retreating into the kitchen. "Hi yourself." 

Jed followed her around the corner. "That looks great," he said, standing on the opposite side of the counter and watching hungrily as she sprinkled mixed spices and added a dash of lemon juice to the uncooked fish. 

"Dinner's in an hour."

"I'm starving." It was his mouth, not his stomach, that was longing for something edible. Without a word, Abbey slid a fruitbowl towards him. "Fruit is supposed to keep me happy?" 

"For now. But, since you've been so good with our bet, we have chocolate cheesecake for dessert." This was a bet she would gladly surrender to him. All that mattered was that he be rewarded for not smoking.

And what a reward it was! Chocolate cheesecake. How could he ever resist that? He'd deal with the momentary disappointment of an apple if it meant his favorite dessert later. "How are the girls?"

"Fine. Ellie talked Lizzie into a game of Candyland on the back porch."

"She cheats," Jed stated dryly, remembering Lizzie's competitive spirit when it came to that game. "Ellie needs to be careful."

"She's a lot older than she was when she played with you, Jed. Give her some credit," Abbey replied as she popped the fish into the oven. "Besides, I don't think Ellie cares as long as she has her big sister's attention." 

Jed focused on the rushing water falling from the faucet onto her hands, his mind lost in his own troubles. "Do you have any idea how many pencils I've gone through today?"

A bit random from Abbey's perspective, but okay. "No, I really don't."

"Twelve. I've gone through twelve pencils since this morning!" He dropped his apple and turned from her irately.

"Chewed them all up?"

"Right down to the lead." 

Abbey hated this part. For four days, she dealt with his crankiness. It was getting better, but she wondered when it would finally end. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Are you?" Jed questioned.

"Yes," she answered, a bit appalled that he asked. 

"Sorry."

"Hon, I know the past couple of days have been rough, and you know I'm here for you to talk to or moan to or whatever you need to do to make this easier, but please try to watch your snippiness with the kids tonight. Especially Lizzie. She has news to share."

"First, I don't get snippy." Abbey stared up at him over her strainer of broccoli. A silent condemnation he chose to ignore. "Second, what news?"

"It's her news."

"So tell me." Was she avoiding him when she turned away and buried her face in the fridge? He wasn't really sure. 

"No." She closed the refrigerator door, returning to the strainer with a bowl of raw carrots and a knife.

Mistakenly, Jed assumed she wouldn't jump right into cutting the vegetable into circular pieces. "Aren't you going to peel the skin? I hate the skin."

"The skin is good for you. It has nutrients you need."

"I'm sick of what's good for me and I'm sick of you telling me what's good for me," he mumbled. "What's good for me is gonna kill me." She looked at him with fire in her eyes, her teeth biting down on her lip in an obvious attempt not to respond. "Why can't you tell me about Lizzie's news?"

"I already said, it's her news. You have to wait for her to tell you."

"Why?"

"Because she wants to tell you."

"When?" 

"At dinner."

"Why at dinner?"

"Because that's when she wants to tell you." Abbey's tone was growing increasingly firm, her annoyance showing. 

Still, Jed contemplated the possibilities, frustration setting in when he was still at a loss. "Just give me a hint."

"Jed."

"Oh right, sorry. It's a 'secret.' I forgot." Sarcasm. How she hated his sarcasm. His eyes met her steely glare. "Okay, I can see where that was a bit snippy." 

"Yeah." Even with her temper simmering, her emerald orbs still held a look of sympathy for what he was going through. 

Jed walked around the corner of the counter and held her forearm to turn her towards him. "I'm sorry." He took a dry thumb to the drop of water that had splashed onto her face when she rinsed the broccoli.

"I know." 

He returned her smile as he glanced at the uncut vegetables. "What can I do to help?"

"You can go to the store to buy some milk for the girls. I forgot to pick some up."

"Why didn't you call me at the office?"

"I didn't realize we were completely out until you had already left and since we don't have one of those handy-dandy car phones..."

"Yeah, yeah."

A trip to the store provided challenges he had never faced. With cigarette machines lining the front registers, it would take immeasurable willpower to avoid the urge that was endlessly gnawing at him.

"Wait!" Abbey shouted just before he got to the door. "I'll go. You stay here and watch the girls."

"Why?"

"Because I want to go. I'm the one who forgot. I'm the one who should go."

His head was turned to the left as he approached her, his eyes squinted in suspicion. "You don't want me to go because you don't trust me to stay away from the cigarettes," he deduced. "You think I'm going to steal a quick smoke." Abbey lowered her head in silent admission. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"I'd like to go pick up the milk," she answered flatly.

"You don't trust me."

Grouchy and hurt - never a good combination. "If you must know, dear sweet love of my life, I don't want to make your part of the bet any harder on you than it has to be, so..." she paused to give him a kiss on the cheek. "...I will go buy the milk. Watch the girls and keep an eye on dinner until I get back."

And with that, she was gone, leaving him to stare at the door for a moment longer as he tried, once again, to hide his irritability before heading to the porch.

"Lizzie! Ellie!" 

Hoping to get a preview of the big news, Jed nudged the eleven-year-old with phony fables. And when that didn't work, he resorted to an old stand-by he hated having to use. He begged. Still, Lizzie held her ground, forcing her father to wait until dinnertime before finally breaking. 

Dinner began with the usual chatter. Ellie wrinkled her nose at the fish, though she did seem delighted about the carrots. They were her favorite. Lizzie pushed aside the veggies and concentrated on the fish instead. Both took heaping spoonfuls of the garlic-lemon potatoes as they whined about having to drink milk instead of the much-preferred soda. 

"Mommy, when will the baby come?" Ellie asked.

"In about 6 months or so. You never know. He could decide to stay in a bit longer like you did," Abbey answered with an affectionate smile. "Lizzie, that's enough with the potatoes."

"But I like them."

"And you can have as much as you want as soon as you eat the fish."

"Mommy, will I have to help the baby eat?" The baby had been dominating Ellie's thoughts since the day she learned Abbey was pregnant. 

"You can help if you want," Jed replied. 

"Can I not help if I don't want?" All eyes turned to Ellie.

"Why wouldn't you want to help sometimes, Sweetie?" Abbey asked.

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know."

"Ellie, is there something you're not telling me? Are you happy about this baby?"

She wouldn't dare say no. Ellie was the kind of child who always wanted to keep everyone happy. The peacemaker without a combative bone in her tiny body. She nodded with a smile. "I wanna be a big sister."

Abbey lovingly stroked the top of her head. "Good. Now eat."

"Ellie, take your napkin," Lizzie instructed. 

"She has a napkin," Abbey returned.

"Then whose is this?"

"It's not mine!" Ellie declared.

"Fine, I'll just keep it."

"Pass it to your father," Abbey directed her older daughter. "I don't think he has one."

"Okay, can we stop with the napkin please?" The meaningless banter was grating on Jed's nerves. "Lizzie, my patience is running thin. I've been waiting for more than an hour so how about you fill Dear Old Dad in on this exciting news that you forced your mother not to share with me?" He shot a glare towards his wife.

Liz and Abbey exchanged a glance before Liz began. "My class voted me to run for class president."

"What do you mean they voted you?"

"They vote for three kids to run and I was one of the three! I'm going to run!"

Jed dropped his utensils, shaking his head with pride as he stood up to approach her. "Sweetheart, that is the best news in the world!" He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "I am so proud of you."

"Will you help me? We're allowed to spend ten dollars on our campaign and Sara says she'll come up with ideas with me."

"Who's Sara?"

"You don't know her. Her family just moved here last year."

"From where?"

"Iran."

Jed was immediately intrigued. "Really? You should bring her around, ask her to come over sometime. I'd love to meet her. Her parents too."

"Okay, but will you help me run for class president?"

"Oh you were seriously asking me?" he teased. "I thought for sure you had to be joking because I can't imagine you'd ever think I wouldn't help my little girl be elected class president!"

"We'll all help!" Abbey volunteered. "You and Daddy work on the speeches and campaign promises and Ellie and I will paint the signs. Won't we, El?"

"Will the new baby help me too if I ever want to be president?" Once again, it was obvious her thoughts rested with the unborn child. 

"Yes, the new baby will help you too," Jed responded. "We're a family. Helping each other is what we do."

And that was the true motivation, the driving force behind Jed Bartlet. He was a family man at heart. The little boy who grew up devoid of fatherly love had turned into a man who never let a day go by without trying to prove his love to his daughters.

He remembered the hours he spent in front of a typewriter, little Lizzie on his lap as he taught her the letters on all the keys, encouraging her as she began to sound out the words she typed on a blank piece of paper. Soon, the words became more difficult, but Lizzie persevered and before long, he had come up with family reading time, an hour set aside daily when he, Abbey, and Lizzie would each pick out their own book and read it independently.

He spent weeks teaching Ellie how to say 'Mama' when Abbey was feeling guilty about all the time she spent away from her during residency. Abbey remembered the night she finally heard the word. She cried that night. She had come home two hours late, thinking she'd missed the chance to tuck in her daughters. Depressed and disappointed, she became confused when she heard a tiny voice from the bedroom calling out to her. 

'Mama' Ellie had said. Abbey turned the corner to the room and saw Jed holding their daughter, urging her to say it again. She cried when she came home, but she cried even harder when her little girl struggled with the syllables of that one important word until it sounded just right.

Jed was a role model, an advisor, a teacher, and a coach. He and Abbey had decided they would do anything in their power to make sure the Bartlet girls would grow up to be independent, prosperous women, their success grounded in a solid education. It was important to know the math and the science, but it was equally important to know about the world. And when overseas trips weren't possible, it was up to them to teach them at home. 

This year, they took the lessons to a new level.

Lizzie pulled out her copy of My Weekly Reader. Thanks to her father's new rule of meaningful dinner conversation, she couldn't get away with just skimming the pictures as she had before. She opened it to the page she selected for dinner and donned a great big smile, one that immediately caught Jed's attention.

"Lizzie has a good one, I can tell."

"I do," she proudly proclaimed. "Last week, President Carter was attacked by a rabbit!" She laughed.

Jed's smile faded quickly. That wasn't the kind of current events discussion he expected. "Hey!"

"It's here, Daddy. It's right here!" She pointed to the article. "He was in Georgia on a canoe trip!"

"I know. But we don't laugh at the President." He tried to maintain his serious face, but even he fell victim to a few laughs when he and Abbey watched the news footage earlier in the week.

"But why not? It's funny. And it's real. It was on the news and everything!"

Abbey pursed her lips tightly, trying to avoid the chuckle that seemed to be escaping her best efforts. Jed threw a stern look her way, but it didn't help. "I'm sorry." She finally surrendered to the laugh, causing another round of laughter from Lizzie. "But it really is funny, Jed. You know it is. Don't deny it."

Uh oh. She was about to out him. Jed ran his foot up her leg, gently pinching her skin between his two biggest toes under the table. "He's the President." 

It didn't work. "Girls, what your Daddy isn't telling you is that when it appeared on the news, he laughed so hard I thought I would have to tranquilize him."

"Abbey!"

"You did! You laughed. In fact, I believe the headline you predicted for the New York Times was 'Republican Rabbits Run Rampant."

"Is there no end to your betrayal?" Jed quipped with a wink. "Unfortunate things sometimes happen to people, but if he's the President, you try not to laugh, whether he trips over his shoelaces, falls off a bike, or even if he's attacked by an obviously psychotic rabbit."

Ellie turned her attention from her giggling sister to her equally hysterical mother before looking at her father. "I'm not laughing, Daddy."

"See that?" he stared at Abbey. "Ellie. She's proven her loyalty." He blew her a kiss across the table. "Thank you, Sweetheart."

"Daddy, you said I had to pick something out of My Weekly Reader and be ready to share at the dinner table."

"That's right, Jed," Abbey agreed. "That is what you said."

Not exactly what he meant, but he could live with it for now. At least his nicotine withdrawal was cleverly disguised in his feigned disapproval.

"I'm proud of you," Abbey told him as she turned down the comforter in preparation for bed that night.

"For what?"

"You weren't at all snippy with the girls, your slight teasing about President Carter notwithstanding."

"Did you really think I would be? Snippy with the girls I mean?"

"No. But I like it when I'm right." She crawled onto the mattress and slipped her legs under the covers.

Jed sat on the edge, easing himself back and rolling towards her. "I don't like to admit something like this, but occasionally, I like it when you're right too."

"Four whole days without a cigarette. You may actually win this bet."

"The bet isn't the reason I'm doing this."

"It's not?" 

"No. Whether I win or you win, it's all the same. That's the beauty of a sexual bet. Either way, we both get lucky." He flirtatiously winked as he slipped his fingers between hers. "I'm doing this for you."

Twelve years of prodding was finally starting to pay off. Abbey smiled warmly. "I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"I know you were concerned about me going back to the hospital, continuing with my residency, especially while I'm pregnant."

With her attacker still on the loose, Jed hated the idea of her returning to the scene of the crime. "Yeah?"

"You were right. I was being selfish, only thinking of my career and not about me or this baby or about your peace of mind." 

"I never said you were selfish."

"I was. And the truth is, I'm just as nervous as you are. So, I made a few calls," she continued. "I'm not going back to the hospital until May. I already re-qualified so I won't lose my spot."

"Oh, Abbey." He inched himself closer to her, pulling her into his embrace. "Thank you."

"Just understand that it's not like I won't be doing something. Until the baby's born, I want to volunteer at the women's clinic downtown."

"Of course. Anywhere else is fine."

"I love you, you know?" Her lips lingering in front of his, Abbey gave in to the temptation and pressed her mouth to his for a kiss, tucking her head under his chin after she pulled away. "Good night."

"Good night," he replied as he stroked her hair with one hand, reaching behind him with the other to turn out the lights.

TBC


	4. Phoenix

Abbey stood on the porch of the old white farmhouse. She looked across the open fields as her wind-blown tresses bounced off the collar of her crimson knit blouse. A recognizable tingle invaded her arms, creeping through her veins like blood rushing towards her heart as her hand shielded her eyes from the sharp ray of sunlight that threatened her view of the half dozen five year olds sprinting up the side of the grassy knoll. Jed trailed behind, a jubilant Ellie sitting on his shoulders. 

It wasn't discomfort she was feeling. It was a warm and fuzzy sensation wrapped in a layer of love.

There was a prominent spring in his step. His sapphire orbs sparkled so bright Abbey could see them from the deck. Jed stopped suddenly and kneeled to the ground, allowing Ellie to climb off and walk freely beside him. All seven girls surrounded him as they continued the trek, baskets in-hand, and apples jiggling from side to side.

"Hey! The candy ready to go?" Jed called out to Abbey when he noticed her intrusive stare.

"Just about!" Against her better judgment, she had surrendered to countless pleas from Jed, Lizzie, and Ellie begging for the opportunity to make candy apples. 

"Mommy! Look at all the apples!" Ellie ran in front of her friends, leading the way up the stairs.

"I see that! You know you can only have one candy apple. The rest you're going to have eat plain."

"But I don't like it plain."

"Maybe we'll make cider," Abbey replied with a soft pat on her head. "Go see if your sister is ready for you." She watched the girls enter the house then turned to see her husband still quite a distance away. Jed had stopped to tie his shoe laces. "A bunch of five year olds just passed you!"

Still hunched over, he threw her a glare before standing up. "I let them pass. You'd be amazed what it does for their self-esteem."

"What does it do for yours?"

"It makes me feel good to make them feel good." He climbed the stairs in pure exhaustion. Spending the afternoon lifting seven kids to help them grab for apples took a toll on his muscles.

"Mmm Hmm." His indifference wasn't convincing, perhaps thanks to his futile attempts at hiding the deep breaths that managed to escape his tight lips. 

"Aren't you going to go in?"

"I was just waiting for you."

"I thought I'd stand out here and enjoy the nice breeze for a little while." He leaned against the railing, heaving his chest forward and breathing in the fresh air.

"I'll stay with you."

"No! You should be in there, supervising. You've got a bunch of little girls, hot cherry-colored candy, and Lizzie, Amy, and Sara in charge."

"My parents are in charge."

"Still, if that isn't a recipe for disaster..."

"Okay, okay." Abbey turned to walk inside, but stopped herself just short of her last step. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." Jed waited until she disappeared around the corner of the screen door, then stretched his arms as high as he could, simultaneously massaging the lingering pain in his shoulder.

"Jed..." He jumped at Abbey's unexpected return. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Did I scare you?"

"Not at all." He seemed insulted by the implication that he'd ever be frightened.

"Jed."

"What?"

Abbey placed her hands on his shoulders and directed him into the old patio chair beside them. "How's that?" she asked as she ran her fingers over his sore spots, kneading the flesh gently.

"It would feel great if I were in pain, which I assure you, I'm not." 

"Okay, well, you just let me know when you feel like you can join us inside."

Jed shrugged off her fingers. "I don't want to go inside. They're making a mess in there and I'm the one who's going to have to clean it up."

"That's because you're usually the one who makes the mess. You never let the girls make candy apples by themselves and it's only after you get involved that there IS a mess!"

"We had a deal. I walk them down to the orchard and you deal with the aftermath."

"I did. Lizzie, Sara, Amy, and I made the candy."

"And you were supposed to help the girls dip the apples."

"That's fine. I'll hold up my end of the bargain." Once again, Abbey began her retreat into the house.

"Thank you."

Once again, she stopped. "Just remember," she said with a soft, husky voice as she cocked her head behind her, "If you don't come in to help us make them, you don't get to have one later."

Jed sat for a moment longer, contemplating her ultimatum. Initially, his brain won the battle. The thrill of candy apples wasn't worth the agonizing hours of cleanup it entailed. Soon, sticky red handprints would be plastered all over the kitchen. Every corner, every inch of tile would be covered in the cherry coating. The sugary cherry coating. The sugary cherry coating that sweetened all his taste buds upon the first lick. The hard shell that melted into a soft, creamy candy in his mouth, exquisitely disguising the crunch of the apple.

His lips began to curl with just the thought of the homemade treat that Abbey always sprinkled with a dash of cinnamon. "Oh hell." 

His brain may have won the battle, but eventually, his craving won the war. Just as Abbey suspected, he barreled through the house and broke through the crowd of kids all holding their apples in anticipation of the first dip. 

She approached him, teasing him with the ripened fruit, her fingers just barely gripping the stick sphered into its stem. "Here."

He gladly accepted. "I thought you said I wouldn't get one if I didn't come in to help."

"I did."

"I told you I wasn't coming in."

"I know." Abbey licked the candy off her thumb as she adjusted the saucepan to move it closer to the cookie sheet.

"And yet you went ahead and prepared this apple."

"Yep."

"So either you knew I would eventually come in and you wanted to have my apple ready for me, or you figured I wouldn't come in and you were just fibbing about not letting me have one." Jed followed her as she lined the table with foil and passed out napkins to the girls.

"You forgot possibility number three." 

"Yeah? What's that?"

Abbey greeted him with a smile. "That was supposed to be my apple."

With a sassy wink, she turned away from him, leaving only the napkin she tucked under his arm. Jed watched as all the children followed her to the table. Steam rose from the pot in her hand, the syrupy candy inside now simmering as she carefully guided tiny hands through a quick dip then helped them place the cherry red apples on the cookie sheet. 

Abbey was many things. A talented doctor, her medical degree was a testament to the hard work she put in to graduate at the top of her class and gain acceptance into one of the most competitive surgical residency programs in the country. She was a scientist with boundless intelligence, a person with class and integrity, a woman with good looks and immeasurable sex appeal, and a mother with a heart of gold. 

That was the undeniable part of her, the part that Jed loved the most. Deep in her soul, Abbey was never happier than when she was playing Mom. She made it look easy. Refereeing sibling rivalry, mediating skirmishes, and squelching tantrums before they were really tantrums. She made all of it look so easy. 

Of course, even Abbey sometimes needed help.

"Why can't I eat it now?" Ellie whined. 

"Because it has to cool."

"Can I make another one?"

"You already made one, Ellie. That's enough." Abbey lifted the tray out of her reach.

"But I want to do another one." Ellie stood in front of her and clasped her hands together, bending her knees slightly with every whimper. "Please? Because it's my birthday?"

"Let her have another one, Abigail," James playfully advised his daughter.

"That's an easy suggestion to make, Dad. You won't be the one chasing her down the halls at midnight."

"Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssse!" Ellie continued to whine. 

It didn't faze Abbey. She tweaked the little girl's nose and simply walked past her. "Nope. Sorry. We're going to have cake and ice cream later. That's way too much sugar."

"Can we have cake and ice cream now?" 

Kneeling in front of another young girl to help her wipe the candy off her hands, Abbey looked up at her daughter. "Did you hear me say later?"

"But I want some now."

"Ellie, what did I say?"

"You said later."

"Okay then," Abbey replied as she stood up and approached the trash can with a damp paper towel.

Mary snickered at the exchange. "She's just like you were at that age, Abbey."

"She's still like that when she wants something," Jed teased. "You should see her at Christmas begging for a sneak peek of her gifts."

They were having fun, but Abbey wasn't amused. She crossed in front of her parents, shooting her husband a look of contempt.

Ellie followed. "But if I keep asking, you might change your mind."

Extremely unlikely, but the five year old's persistence did make Jed laugh. It was time to run interference. "Hey, Ellie, how about I take you and your friends on a hay ride?"

Lizzie wrinkled her nose from her perch on top of the counter. "I don't like hay rides."

"I do!" Ellie countered. "Can you take us, Daddy? Please?"

Abbey pinched Jed's back and directed his attention out the front window, a grin quickly forming at the sight of the horse trailer right outside.

Jed nodded. His hands firmly placed on Ellie's tiny shoulders, he led her into the other room. "Well, let me leave it up to you and your guests. We can either take a hay ride." He opened the drapes wide enough to give everyone a good look. "Or pony rides for everyone!"

He was greeted by a chorus of high-pitched screams. "Ponies!" 

"Wow, we didn't do that for my birthday," Lizzie reminded her parents.

"We're doing it now. And it's not just for Ellie and her friends. The pony rides are for you, Amy, and Sara as well." 

"And Grandma and Grandpa!" Lizzie added.

Mary was appalled at the thought. "You may be able to sweet-talk your grandfather, but not me."

"Come on, Grandma!" Lizzie pulled her along anyway. "It'll be fun!"

The older girls jumped in front of the younger ones in a race towards the animals. With his arm coiled around her waist, Jed and Abbey followed them out.

"Mommy, lets go!" Ellie ran back to her mother and yanked on Abbey's hand as hard as she could.

"Ellie, Sweetie, you're going to have to go alone."

That was simply out of the question. She pulled harder, facing the direction she was walking. "No! I want you to come too!"

Abbey tightened the grip and stopped. "Hey." Ellie spun around, a hint of confusion in her blue-green eyes. "I can't ride, Sweetheart."

"Why not?"

Abbey crouched down to her level. "Because of the baby," she said, immediately taking note of the sad frown on Ellie's face. "I'm sorry."

"The pony doesn't care about the baby."

"Yeah, but you know how you bounce around and move from side to side when you're riding Shasta?"

"Yeah."

"That's not good for the baby."

"We'll tell the pony not to move fast. We can tell it not to gallop at all." The desperation in her voice provoked a couple of tears. 

"It doesn't work like that." 

As Ellie hung her head towards the grassy field, Jed grabbed her from behind and threw her up into the air. "I'll ride with you!"

"Okay." It was small consolation for the disappointed girl.

"And I'll tell you a secret."

"What?" 

"You get to keep one of these ponies," he whispered into her ear.

"Really?" Suddenly, her sadness was gone. "Just one? What happens to the other one?"

"Lizzie gets the other one. But don't tell her yet," he replied with a big kiss to her cheek just as he caught Abbey's astonished gaze. "What?"

"You planned this out. You didn't rent these ponies. You bought them."

"You said they could have a pet."

"I meant a cat."

"We'll get them a cat too!" He shot her the puppy-dog eyes she could never resist. "I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have."

"But there are people here who can care for them and they're all paid for. I just wanted to make her happy." And that was the motivation behind everything he did. It was difficult to fault him for simply loving his daughters.

"Next time, I just want to know."

"I promise," he assured her with a quick kiss. 

"Daddy, can we take the ponies home with us?" 

Jed lifted Ellie onto the pony. "I'm afraid not. They have to stay here at the farm. This is their home." 

Abbey tried not to smile, but she failed miserably. His generous gift had squashed Ellie's disappointment and, at the moment, that was all that really mattered. 

Later, as the family scattered around the piazza, Ellie's friends surrounded her with the stereotypical oohhs and ahhs at the very first glance of the birthday cake. Two tiers of pink, blue, and white icing elegantly molded to look like a castle. The artistically designed faces of Disney princesses peeked through the rose petal-framed windows and a single crease gave the illusion of the pink tower flag waving in the wind. 

"Happy Birthday to Ellie. Happy Birthday to you." 

Ellie scanned the crowd of friends and family as they finished singing. Her grandparents donned proud smiles. Jed and Abbey stood behind them, Jed snapping pictures as his younger daughter bit down on her lower lip in anticipation. She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, much sharper than she actually needed to for the shallow breath she let out to extinguish the candles. Her tiny body shook as she blew out the last bit of air aimed at every flame.

Abbey moved around the table, her hands reaching out to grab the birthday girl and pull her into an embrace. "Happy Birthday, Princess." Ellie dropped her weight and wrapped herself around her mother's neck. "Oh, Sweetie, you're getting too heavy for this."

Abbey couldn't resist. Despite the involuntary moans that came from picking her up, she lifted her into her arms.

"Ellie, don't you want to open your presents?" Jed held out a small gift box, a sure way to distract her into giving Abbey a break.

"I want Mommy to help me!" It's not so easy to distract a five year old.

Ellie always felt especially close to her mother, but ever since she heard the news of a new baby, she had become more clingy, as if vying for Abbey's attention at every turn. 

"That's fine. Mommy can help you," Jed offered, with a stipulation. "But you're going to have to sit in the chair."

Ignoring her father's gesture of patting down the chair, Ellie looked to Abbey. "Why can't you hold me?" 

"You're getting big now, Sweetheart. I can't hold you and open presents at the same time."

Once lowered to her chair, Ellie reluctantly kicked her feet in front of her and held the first gift in her hands before tearing through the paper. She opened the flaps of the box. "Oooohhh." She picked up the Rubik's Cube inside.

Jed was even more impressed than Ellie. "Oh that's a wonderful present!" He looked around the crowd. "Who's responsible for this one?"

Lizzie slowly raised her hand. "I am."

"Good thinking, Lizzie! We're going to have a lot of fun with this." 

"We certainly are." The gift brought out the imaginative side of James as well.

When Ellie set it aside in favor of opening another gift, Jed joyously picked it up. He examined it closely, turning the edges of the colorful puzzle to carefully inspect all twenty-six cubes. Methodically, he twisted them, scrambling the colors into a nail-biting pattern that an ordinary person may never have been able to solve.

But this wasn't an ordinary person. 

This was Jed Bartlet, an intellectual who scoffed at the naysayers, the countless millions who had been dumbfounded by the mystery of the cube since it hit the stores two years earlier. He was determined to dispel the myth, to delve inside the complexities of the six-sided cube and abolish the secrets meticulously guarded by its inventor, Erno Rubik. 

It was three p.m.

"Any luck?" Mary asked the two men who made themselves at home on the vinyl chairs in front of the table less than an hour later.

"Jed thinks he's getting close," James snarked.

"I am getting close! Just...a...few...more...turns." Every word was labored thanks to his deep concentration.

"And you've jumbled up the colors even more." Abbey couldn't help but mock the determined scholar. 

"You laugh now, but tomorrow, you'll be begging me for the secret."

"Of course I will, Pumpkin. Come inside."

Jed ignored her request and continued to fiddle with the cube, spinning the blocks quickly as if speed would provide the answers to line up the appropriate colors. 

By 6 p.m., the sun was starting to set, James had excused himself to enjoy a cup of tea after dinner, and the girls ran inside to play a board game before changing into their pajamas. Alone, Jed sat in his chair in the piazza, staring at the puzzle. There was something he was missing, he assumed. There was a single trick, some intricate key that escaped his analytical mind.

The seconds ticked away. The hours melted into one another and he was no closer to solving the perplex Rubik's Cube than he had been earlier.

Wanting to help Jed in any way she could, Abbey carried out his light autumn jacket. She draped it around his shoulders from the side and adoringly stroked his hair.

"Ready to come in?"

"Not yet. I just need a few more minutes."

It was 8 p.m. 

No wonder so many consumers claimed this particular toy was too addictive to be given to children. If only it came with a warning label for adults. 

Two more hours passed. Abbey had already set up the sleeping bags for the big birthday slumber party, James and Mary had retreated to the guest room for some much-needed sleep, and Jed remained seated in exactly the same spot, this time, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for inspiration. 

It was tough. Much tougher than he assumed it would be. His mind raced with possibilities, each one crushed with further thought. Watching through the bay window, Abbey felt his frustration. The bright light that shined in his eyes, suddenly darkened with a dose of reality.

She opened the sliding glass door to call for him. "Honey, it's late."

"I almost have it. I just need a few more minutes."

Well, at least he was actually holding it in his hands now. "It's after ten."

"Get ready for bed. I'll join you in a few minutes."

She shrugged at his stubborn refusal to abandon the project until morning. Jed had many outstanding qualities, but if there was one thing Abbey sometimes wished she could change about him it was his need for perfection, the obsessive desire to excel at challenges most people wouldn't even consider. Ordinarily, she loved that determination, that admirable drive that made him into such a success. But sometimes, it pushed him to the brink, setting him up for massive disappointment. That's what she wanted so desperately to spare him.

After checking on the girls, Abbey retired to the bedroom and collapsed onto the mattress, slipping her bare feet under the covers and wiggling slightly to make herself comfortable. Exhaustion won out. She fell asleep without him, her only hint of his absence coming in the early morning hours when she rolled towards the empty pillow beside her.

Three a.m. 

It was three in the morning and Jed hadn't come to bed. Abbey jerked the covers away from her body and stood up sluggishly. She wrapped her warm, flannel robe around her blue satin PJs on her way downstairs. She poked her head through the curtains of the door leading to the piazza. Immediately, her indignation melted into a warm chuckle. 

Jed's head was buried on top of his arms, the Rubik's Cube nestled in his right palm. Abbey let herself out on the porch and tiptoed towards him, gently picking up the puzzle with extra effort not to wake him. 

"So what's so great about this thing anyway?" she wondered aloud as she sat in one of the vinyl chairs.

It wasn't until after five a.m. that she finally answered the question. It really was a fun game, especially now that she declared her triumph. 

Jed's head start worked to her benefit. She may not have been able to solve it entirely on her own, but thanks to his help, Abbey lined up the cubes perfectly, each one returned to its rightful place. 

"We really do make a great team." She looked to her sleeping husband with a loving smile, then opened his curled fingers and placed the cube back in his palm. 

She stepped behind him and leaned forward for a tender kiss to his temple.

"Mmm?" Barely awake, Jed tilted his head to her touch.

"It's time for bed, Baby."

"I almost have it," he insisted in a groggy voice, straightening himself up to get a look at the cube. 

"Looks like you already have it," Abbey replied as she gazed at his hand.

Jed squinted and wiped away the cobwebs that clouded his vision. He flipped the cube in amazement. He had completed the puzzle. Or so he thought. "Wow. I guess I do. I must have solved it right before I dozed off. I don't even remember."

"You're just that brilliant, Darling." He accepted her hand and rose to his feet, allowing her to lead him inside. "Lets go to bed."

 

TBC


	5. Phoenix

Ellie sat on the kitchen tile, hunched over the sign in front of her. Surrounded by a variety of markers and Crayola paints, she examined her tools before dabbing the pencil-thin brush with water and dipping it into the royal blue pot. She gave it a good swirl then proudly applied the color to the poster. 

Smooth, even strokes. That was her goal as she painted inside the black stenciled letters that spelled out her big sister's slogan. Initially, she had no trouble. But her hand began to tire rather quickly and her thumb slipped down the slippery handle. 

"Oops!" She reacted quickly to the sudden jerk that marked the poster with a random streak of blue.

"Ellie!" Lizzie covered the stray color with a washcloth. "Mom, we need your help! Ellie's getting it all over!"

"Ellie, stay inside the lines," Abbey ordered with her back to the girls as she cleared the table of breakfast plates.

Ellie paused to stare at her mother with obvious indignation. "I am!" 

Jed remained oblivious to the art project, leaning over the countertop as he scribbled on a stack of notecards. "Lizzie, you have to concentrate."

"I'm trying to concentrate," Lizzie insisted in a tone laced with frustration.

This was it. The culmination of countless hours of preparation. Father and daughter had designed a list of campaign promises, Jed had helped her write her first speech, he had coached her on presentation, and arranged a mock question/answer session. No other student was as ready as Liz to run for class president. And no other student was as ready to win. 

It all came down to this day, the day when she would give her final speech at the sixth grade assembly before her classmates had the opportunity to vote.

Jed rose from his chair and handed her the notecards. "You have to do more than try. This is your last chance to address the students, to tell them why they should vote for you. It's what you've been working for, Sweetheart."

"Uh oh." Water splattered across every inch of the cardboard, coating the royal blue letters with a grayish haze.

"Mom!" Lizzie shouted. "Ellie spilled it." She furiously began to pat the poster dry. "She spilled the dirty water all over it!"

"Ellie!" Abbey abandoned her chore and approached the mess.

Ellie lowered her head in remorse. "I didn't mean to!" 

"Of course you didn't," Jed assured her as he kneeled down to rub her back. "Lizzie knows that. Don't you, Lizzie?"

"Yeah, I know." Her little sister was an expert at pleasing her. But with her strong devotion came the inevitable pitfalls of being five.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It was an accident," Lizzie acknowledged. "But the paint's going to be wet and the poster is ruined! I can't take it to school."

"It's not ruined." Abbey reached under the sink to pull out a sea sponge and a small jar of paint. "I'll fix it and then we'll fan it. No harm done."

"That's the paint we used for Ellie's room?" Jed asked.

"The leftovers," she answered as she dipped the sponge into the sky blue jar then lightly pressed it onto the cardboard.

Lizzie gasped, immediately impressed with the lacy indentation of the sponge. It gave her bland poster the illusion of texture. "Neat! Why didn't we do that with the posters we made last week?" 

"I wasn't feeling quite so creative then."

Jed wasn't nearly as captivated by the design. "Okay, now that that problem is solved, how about you focus on your speech?"

"I know it, Dad!"

"Oh for God's sake, Jed, it's a school election. It isn't a senate race," Abbey snapped as she molded Ellie's hand around the sponge.

"An election is an election. Don't you want her to win?"

"Of course I want her to win. But right now, I'm more concerned about you pushing her." With her hand on top of Ellie's, they blotted the sponge onto the corners. 

"I'm not pushing her." He was offended by the accusation and at the same time, a bit frightened as well. All too reminiscent of Ellie's first day of school. "Am I pushing you, Angel?"

"No," Lizzie answered honestly. "I need to know the speech. It's important. And I want to win."

Just more proof of the vast differences in Lizzie and Ellie that drove Jed crazy with confusion. "Well, whether you win or not, I'm extremely proud of you. That isn't going to change."

"I know," Lizzie replied, happy to hear the sentiment anyway.

He turned to Abbey with a certain air of smugness that always came from being right. "If you'll allow me to continue..." 

She smiled as she grabbed her younger daughter's hand and led her to the table. "Come on, Ellie, we'll get this poster all ready for her."

"Oh, and I have a permission slip you have to sign." Lizzie reached into her backpack and handed Abbey a crumpled piece of paper.

"I don't 'have' to sign it, but I will gladly take a look at it." 

"It's for gymnastics."

Jed mouthed the word silently before asking her out loud. "Gymnastics?"

"Yeah."

Lizzie had never shown an interest in gymnastics. Surprised by her choice, he prodded. "Why gymnastics?" 

"Because it'll help me with dance."

"Lizzie, they gave you this permission slip on the first day of school," Abbey interjected.

"I kept forgetting."

"When is it due?"

"Today."

Jed playfully yanked a lock of her chestnut hair. "Are you going to think about everything else or this speech?"

"I got it, Dad." Lizzie took the cards from his hand.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to go over the notecards again?"

"No."

Abbey pulled her reading glasses to the middle of her nose, staring up at her daughter over the rim. "Lizzie, this is a big commitment. If I let you do this, you'll have to stay after three days a week. You already stay after once a week for Drama Club, you have ballet and jazz classes every Saturday, and you're about to be class president."

"So?" Nothing was ever too much for the energetic preteen.

"So I think you need a break." 

"She can handle it," Jed assured Abbey. 

"Yeah. I can handle it," Lizzie agreed.

Abbey wasn't convinced. "Not to mention the fact that gymnastics is dangerous. I'm signing away our right to hold the school liable if you get hurt."

That even caught Jed's attention. "Wait a minute."

"I won't get hurt." Lizzie rolled her eyes at the mere suggestion.

Jed tilted his head to read along with Abbey. "I don't like the idea of the school not being held liable. What's the incentive for them to keep her safe?"

"Exactly," Abbey replied as she snatched the glasses off her face and set them down on the counter.

"It's perfectly safe. I promise." 

The Lizzie Bartlet Guarantee didn't inspire much confidence in Abbey. "Yeah, well, I'm going to have to think about it." 

"No!" Lizzie complained. "It's due today. You have to sign it now." 

"All right." Abbey picked up a pencil and checked off the box denying permission, then slid it towards her daughter.

"Okay, you can think about it," Lizzie amended, sliding it back to her mother.

"Thank you."

"Here you go, Lizzie!" Ellie presented her with the poster she just finished fanning. The light blue sponge paint blended in perfectly, drawing attention to the words 'Vote Lizzie 4 Prez' as if they were embossed with royal blue script.

"That's so cool! Thanks! I'm sorry I snapped at you, El."

The excitement in her voice was the only apology Ellie really needed. She bit down on her bottom lip with a proud smile. "That's okay."

"Wait a second!" Jed began to regret not having inspected the poster before now.

"What?" Lizzie asked, holding it up in front of her.

"That's spelled wrong!" 

"No, it's not, Dad. That's how I wanted it."

"Prez? With a Z instead of an S?"

"Yeah."

Surely she was mistaken. "You're rallying for votes on a theme of illiteracy?"

"It's how we talk. It's what the kids know. It's what I want."

"Well, far be it from me to interfere with what you want. I just think you'd be much better off promoting the correct spelling of such important words as 'President.'"

"Dad."

"And what's a 'pres' anyway? People run for president. They don't run for pres."

"Daddy!" Lizzie protested a little stronger.

Jed held up his arms in a gesture to surrender. "I'll be quiet."

"Give your father a break, Lizzie. Keeping his mouth shut about this is killing him." Abbey chuckled as Jed pursed his lips even tighter. "You're going to call me as soon as you know, right?"

"Yes, I'll call right away," she promised with an exasperated tone. 

Lizzie had been blessed with the same confidence and charm for which her parents were widely known. With Jed's knack for making friends and Abbey's talent for embracing diversity, she was the most popular candidate among her classmates. Usually, she had the kind of presence that lit up a room, commanding attention before the first word was ever spoken.

That morning was no exception. She approached the podium like a pro, her nervousness softened by her mind replaying her father's encouraging advice. She spoke from her heart, barely looking down at the notecards in her hands. Her words were crisp and incisive, her commitment sincere. At the end of the speech, she earned a loud chorus of applause. At the end of the day, she earned much more. With the votes tabulated, Elizabeth Bartlet had attained her goal. She won her first election. 

Abbey had already started baking the cake when she received the anticipated phone call. She predicted her daughter would win this contest - mother's intuition and all - but nothing could compare to the joy of hearing the results. Lizzie had broken a school record, winning by such a wide margin of votes that she was asked to address the students regularly. 

It was the very first time Liz understood the exhilaration of such a win. The adrenaline rush of hearing your name called out as the person your peers chose to represent them was something she had never experienced, something she could barely explain. 

Luckily, to Jed, she didn't have to, for that exhilaration and adrenaline rush, coupled with his dedication to making the world a better place, had long-since been his motivation for continuing to serve in public office. 

Like himself, Lizzie was a born leader, Jed had always told Abbey. She wasn't one to sit on the sidelines and allow others to make decisions for her. She was an independent, opinionated, and articulate child and with Bartlet genes and her own intelligence, he was convinced she would follow in her family's footsteps, someday devoting her professional life to public service. 

And on that day, that was exactly what Lizzie wanted too. She told him, in so many words, as he helped her get ready for bed after the big victory party.

"I wanna do it again! I wanna run for something...anything. This is what I wanna do when I grow up! I wanna run for office and I wanna run the campaign all by myself!" 

Jed teasingly scoffed at the idea of an independently run campaign. "Well, no one runs a campaign all by themselves."

"You do!" 

"No, I don't. You and Mom and Ellie, you all walk with me around the neighborhoods to help me get my name out there, meet my constituents."

"Oh yeah."

"And we'll all be right there to help you too the next time you run for something." He pulled down the covers as she crawled into bed. "But first, we have to deal with the aftermath of this run."

"What do you mean?" 

He fluffed her pillow before gently pushing her back. "You made some promises to your classmates, remember? You said you'd work with the principal and the superintendent on getting chocolate milk in the cafeteria, a slightly more lenient dress code, a sixth grade dance at the end of the year?"

"Yeah."

"You have to follow through on those," he told her as he tugged on the ends of the blanket to make sure she was covered. "Every single one."

"I know."

Meanwhile, down the hall, Abbey and Ellie began their daily nighttime routine - a ritual that, in the past, was sometimes sacrificed because of Abbey's hospital schedule. 

"Which one?" Abbey asked, pointing to the books on Ellie's shelf.

"This one!" She pulled out her longtime favorite, 'Good Night, Moon.'

"We read that every night. Don't you want a new one?"

"Uh uh! I want this one!"

There was no point arguing with her. Ellie was adamant. The five-year-old braced herself on her palms, digging deep into her mattress as she climbed onto the bed and slipped her tiny feet under the covers. Abbey sat down next to her, her legs stretched out and one arm around Ellie's shoulder to cradle the little girl close to her chest as she held the book in her other hand. 

Ellie moved her lips as her mother read to her. Truth be told, she had pretty much memorized this book, but she occasionally missed a word or two in an effort to sound out the letters. She helped Abbey turn the pages, her brows creasing and her frown becoming more prominent as they neared the end.

"Good night stars, good night air, good night noises everywhere," Abbey read the last line, shocked by Ellie's hand preventing her from closing the book. "Ellie?"

"I want you to read it again!"

"Oh, Sweetie, I can't. It's late and I'm tired."

"But I really wanna hear it again!"

"How about tomorrow?" She cupped her chin and lifted her head when Ellie turned her gaze to the floor. "Hey, I'll read you two books tomorrow, okay? It's just been a long day today."

"Okay." She wrapped her hands around Abbey's neck, pulling her down to plant a kiss on her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sweetheart." Abbey stood to leave, but gave her one more kiss after she sensed Ellie's disappointment. "Daddy will be in soon to say good night."

Ellie sank herself into the bed, covering her face with her blanket after her mother's departure. There were so many feelings running around inside her. Day after day, she was becoming more confused and upset about the prospect of a new sibling stealing Abbey's attention. 

"And I'll set up a meeting with them too!" Lizzie excitedly declared as she and Jed discussed her next move as class president.

"Sounds like a great idea."

"Meeting with who?" Abbey asked, having just walked in on the conversation.

"With the fifth grade teachers! Daddy thinks it would be neat for the fifth graders to help with planning the sixth grade dance, just like the prom in high school!"

"Well, not exactly like the prom," Jed corrected.

"She knows what I mean."

"Yes, I do," Abbey confirmed. "And I think that's a great idea."

"Thanks for my party! My friends had a lot of fun!"

"You're welcome. And now it's time to get some sleep."

Jed laughed at that suggestion. "I don't think she'll be sleeping for quite a while. She's way too hyper."

"I told you one piece of cake was enough," Abbey joked as she stroked her daughter's hair and dropped a kiss to her forehead. "Good night, Baby Doll."

"Good night."

Jed followed his wife's lead, bending forward to kiss Lizzie's cheek. "Love you, Angel."

"Love you too! Thanks, Daddy!"

Before retiring to the master bedroom, Jed had another stop to make. He turned the corner out of Lizzie's room and headed for Ellie's. 

"Daddy!" Ellie exclaimed as he sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Hey, Princess. Did Mommy read you a story?"

"Uh huh! Good Night, Moon!"

"How did I know?" he chuckled.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?" Ellie hesitated for a second, her nerves dictating her fidgety pause. "Ellie, what is it?"

"After the baby comes, will Mommy still read to me?"

Jed noticed the apprehension behind her question, the glimmer of fear that clouded her aqua-colored eyes as she contemplated his answer. He slid his hands under her arms and sat her up against the wall behind the bed. 

"You know why we call you Princess?" he asked.

"Why?"

"There once was this beautiful Swan Princess. She had these lovely blonde curls, with just a hint of strawberry in her hair, just like you." Ellie was immediately mesmerized. "But this Princess had a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"She didn't know how to get her Prince to fall in love with her." He tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

"I thought a Prince always loved his Princess."

"Well, usually, but this Prince didn't realize what he was missing. So one day, the town witch, Lady Marian came to see the fair Princess."

"A witch?"

"A good witch. Lady Marian was like Glinda on The Wizard of Oz."

"I like Glinda!"

"And just like Glinda, everyone in town loved Lady Marian. One day, she gave the Swan Princess this magic liquid, kind of like a potion, and when the Princess dabbed a bit of it behind her ear, she was given the power to cast spells."

"Really?!" Ellie's enthusiasm reached new heights.

"Really! So she did it. She rubbed the potion all over her skin and from that moment on, everyone she met instantly fell in love with her."

"Even her Prince?"

"Especially her Prince. And just like the Swan Princess, when you were born, you must have had that magic potion because you cast a spell on me and your mother. You made us fall in love with you."

"I did?"

"You did. And you know the rule about spells."

"They can never, ever be broken," Ellie concluded.

"That's right."

"Even with a new baby?"

"Even with a new baby," Jed confirmed. "It's a permanent spell." He pulled on her legs to lay her back down. "Does that answer your question?"

"Uh huh." 

"I thought it might," he replied as he covered her with the blanket. "Good night, Princess. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy."

Her sweet voice carried through those five little words, sparking his concern about how Ellie was adjusting to the changes around her. He had previously dismissed Abbey's theory about Ellie being uncomfortable with the pregnancy. Perhaps she had been right all along. Perhaps Ellie needed the kind of reassurance that he gave her tonight. 

He walked into the master bedroom, his fingers twiddling the buttons on his shirt as he reached in the dresser for his pajamas. 

"Hey!" Abbey greeted him, leaving the bathroom and heading towards the bed.

"Hi." He saw her reflection in the mirror and noticed her hands gripping her stomach. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I think I just ate too much tonight."

"Are you sick? Should I call the doctor?"

"Jed, I'm fine. Really." Touched by his concern, she took his hand and led him to bed. "I'm just not used to all the cake and chips and soda we had tonight."

"You were a really good sport about all that stuff."

Abbey pulled his pants down to reveal his boxers as he slipped a t-shirt over his head. "Well, Lizzie deserved it, and so did you for staying away from your cigarettes for the past four weeks. "

"Ellie's a little worried about the baby." He didn't mean to actually blurt it out.

"What?"

"I think she's okay. She was just wondering if you were still going to read to her after the baby is born."

"Of course I will. Do I need to go talk to her?"

Jed grabbed her hand before she could get out of bed. "No, I straightened it out. Let her sleep. You just might want to reinforce it tomorrow."

She rested her head against the headboard. "I don't know why she isn't happy about this baby. Lizzie was thrilled when I was pregnant with Ellie."

"Now who's comparing the girls?" he quipped, changing direction almost as quickly. "She'll come around. Give her some time." Jed cupped her bulging tummy, stroking the top of it tenderly. 

"It tickles when you do that." Abbey giggled.

"I can hear her move," he replied with his head against her skin.

"Yeah? What does HE sound like?"

Jed placed his hands on either side of her frame and looked up at her. "He sounds like a she."

"Whatever you say."

"Your mother's going to be awfully disappointed when you're born, Little One," he whispered to her stomach.

"Jed! That's an awful thing to say!"

"I'm only kidding."

"Still." Abbey took a breath as he sat up beside her. "This past year has been really difficult, hasn't it?" Jed nodded. "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I just want this baby to be healthy."

"It will be, Abbey. It will be."

"I was so worried when we first found out. I mean, this baby was inside of me the night of the attack..." Still scared and unsure, it was obvious she was on edge.

Jed tilted her head to the side, allowing it to rest on his shoulder as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Shh. Don't think about that."

"It's not that easy."

He allowed a moment of silence between them, nothing but the sound of their deep breaths filling the room before he began. "You know, in early Christian art and literature, many artists and authors used a symbol to represent immortality and reincarnation. And with that one symbol, they could say what a thousand paintings, a thousand words couldn't - that life is the most important gift in the world."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. That symbol was a bird. The Greeks called it a benu, known for its peacock-like beauty, but the Egyptians referred to as the Phoenix."

Abbey immediately dismissed the conversation. "I know the story of the Phoenix."

"Well, you're going to hear it again because I feel like telling it." She smiled as he winked at her. "It was revered as one of the most beautiful birds of all time. It lives some 500 years and at the end of its life-cycle, the Phoenix builds itself a nest of cinnamon twigs and then ignites it."

"Both the bird and the nest fiercely burn until there's nothing left but a pile of ashes and from the ashes, a new, young Phoenix is born," Abbey finished without much emotion as Jed looked to her quizzically. "I told you I already knew the story."

"A baby bird soars out of that fire, even stronger and tougher than the one before it. It climbs out of those ashes, Abbey, to face a life of prosperity, where it too is honored just for having been born."

"Yeah."

He gently eased her up and made his way down to her stomach, framing his hands around her. "Five months ago, we created a life together. The next day, our love was tested in a way neither of us could have ever imagined."

"Jed."

"We survived, Abbey. That's the point. We survived, the girls survived, this baby survived. Don't go around looking for bad things because this child that you're carrying is a symbol of the good. Just like the new Phoenix is to its predecessor, this child is the reincarnation of us, of our love, tested by fire and rising from those flames stronger and tougher than ever before." 

He was always so good at easing her fears. She grabbed his arm and pulled him up beside her. "That's a much better way of looking at it."

"This baby is fine. We're all safe and sound. And we're all going to stay that way." 

"I was wrong."

"About what?"

"I hadn't heard that story after all." Abbey tightened her grip around his hand as she leaned into his comforting embrace. 

 

TBC


	6. Phoenix

It happened instantly. A flash of video footage and neither Jed nor Abbey would ever forget the horrific pictures on television. From the very first click of the knob, the images took root in their minds, where they would settle forever. Abbey's fingers gripped the cushion of the sofa. Jed stood next to her, his emotions paralyzed by anxiety.

An angry mob of Iranian students had taken to the streets of Tehran and overrun the United States Embassy. Armed with guns and shielded by American hostages, the terrorists chanted Persian obscenities while they burned scores of American flags. The smoke rose from the red, white, and blue cloth as deeper flames were seen from a distance. It was a surreal portrait of such unexpected violence.

"What's going on?" Lizzie asked as she walked out of her room, oblivious to the chaos her parents were watching. 

Jed quickly turned off the television before she could get a good look at the brutal scenes. "Are you ready for school?" .

"What's happening? Why were they burning our flag?" Her eyes continued to stare at the darkened screen.

"They're protesting," Abbey answered.

"Protesting what? Where?"

Husband and wife exchanged a glance before Jed attempted an explanation. "Sweetheart, the news is showing us what happened yesterday in Iran."

"What happened?"

This was an attack that came without even a hint of pre-violence turmoil, leaving everyone with very few answers. "Some of the citizens of that country are unhappy with our government."

"Why?"

"It's a lot of grown-up stuff. The point is, they're not big fans of the United States right now so that's why they're protesting."

"They're protesting us?"

"Yes, but everything's going to be okay," Abbey tried to assure her, not really believing the sentiment herself. "We'll talk about this after school."

"I wanna talk about it now. I saw a gun and they looked mad! And why would they burn our flag?"

"After school, Lizzie," Abbey repeated. "Okay?"

It was a difficult situation to understand. Deciphering the barbaric reasons to young children seemed nearly impossible. And in the Bartlet house, there was yet another dilemma. While Abbey usually wanted to shelter both girls from universal evil, Jed believed that a crisis like this one had to be clarified and explained in order for Liz to grasp the global ramifications. This wasn't just a bump in the road to world peace. It was a significant incident that would define the mood of the world around her.

Educating his children without the a cloak of sunshine and flowers took precedence for Jed, for it was the only way he could ensure his kids grow up to be well-informed adults. Any other approach would leave them vulnerable to the shattering realities they would someday learn.

He waited for Lizzie to disappear into her bedroom before addressing his concerns. "She can be late for school, you know."

"Why? So we can scare her half to death before sending her off to her first class?"

"She saw the pictures, Abbey. She saw what was going on. Don't you think it's scarier not knowing the whole story?"

"I don't know the whole story and neither do you. And I would bet that we can't answer most of her questions. I say wait for her to come home and we'll talk to her about it. By then, we'll know more."

Unfortunately, by then, Lizzie would also know more, most of her information grounded in unsubstantiated rumors circulating throughout the school. The halls were buzzing with false accusations, students impressing one another by claiming to know details they really didn't know. By mid-morning, the allegations became more colorful and speculation among the kids had run rampant, thanks to the conspicuous absence of their Persian classmate, Sara. 

Desperately trying to shut out the ruckus created by one flamboyant student's suggestion that the little girl's absence was part of a conspiracy that threatened the small New Hampshire elementary school, Amy and Liz continually stared at Sara's empty desk. It was unlike any of them to miss a day of class, but that day of all days, it was especially puzzling. 

"I bet they had to move." Amy shared her guess as she and Lizzie sat practically motionless on the swings at recess.

"Move where?" 

"They probably changed their names and moved to some small farm in Pennsylvania. I saw a movie where they sent a man there to live with the Amish. You know, like in the Witness Protection Program."

"They wouldn't send her to live with the Amish. And anyway, she doesn't know anything. She was here. In America." Lizzie's feet kicked at the sand, her gaze falling to the ground.

"Before school, my mom said to be nice to Sara because she might feel like she's guilty by association," Amy replied somberly. 

"It's not her fault."

Amy leaned against the chain and turned her head to Lizzie's swing. "Do you think she thinks it's her fault? Maybe that's why she isn't here. Maybe she thinks everyone's going to be mad at her." She looked to her classmates running around the monkey bars. "I mean, some of them kinda are - mad at her."

"I don't know," Lizzie shrugged. "I hope she doesn't think we're mad at her."

"You wanna stop by her house after school to make sure she's all right?"

"Yeah. I'll call my mom and let her know."

A phone call to Mom wasn't just a courtesy. It was a requirement. Jed and Abbey repeatedly emphasized the importance of knowing where their children were at all times. It had been drilled into Lizzie's head all her life, but occasionally, the eleven-year-old threw caution to the wind in favor of convenience. 

"Did you call your mom?" Amy asked after school.

"I tried, but the line was busy. She must be talking to my dad. They talk on the phone like three times a day." She shook her head and led the way off campus. "I can try again when we get to Sara's."

Her intentions were good, but by the time they arrived at Sara's house, Abbey was waiting outside, expecting Lizzie to follow the other students down the metal steps of the bus. Several minutes passed and the chestnut-haired sixth grader was nowhere in sight. 

When the door began to close, Abbey forced her arm in front of it to catch the driver's attention. "Excuse me, I'm waiting for my daughter, Elizabeth Bartlet."

"Elizabeth wasn't on the bus today."

It was Monday, the one day of the week that Lizzie was expected to ride the bus home. But she didn't come home and with that realization, Abbey's voice caught in her throat. This was it. Her fear of her attacker was still fresh in her mind. The threat he had made to Lizzie and Ellie had never lost its impact. This was the nightmare that kept replaying in her subconscious since that fateful night she was savagely assaulted. It was the moment of truth when her entire life would be toppled in the blink of an eye. 

She inhaled a deep breath to soothe the immediate panic that coursed through her veins. Perhaps Lizzie just missed the bus, she reasoned in a failed attempt to squash the myriad of troubling thoughts.

She squeezed Ellie's hand and sprinted towards the house. The five year old ran as fast as her little feet could take her, trying to keep up as Abbey swung open the front door and grabbed the phone. She took a few more calming breaths before her fingers spun around the rotary dial while she struggled to remember the digits of the school's phone number.

Elizabeth hadn't been to the office, the administrative secretary told her. She hadn't missed the bus. Abbey allowed the phone to drop from her ear in a momentary battle to gain control of her senses and stifle her vivid imagination. 

"Ellie, do you know where Lizzie keeps her address book with all her friends' phone numbers?" Ellie hesitantly nodded. "Can you go get it for me while I call Dad?" 

Ellie stood silent for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was laced with apprehension. "Is Lizzie lost?" 

"Just get me her phone book, okay, Sweetie?"

The little girl nodded once again and turned to her sister's bedroom. 

Meanwhile, Lizzie stood in the foyer at Sara's house, a green receiver glued to her fingers as she repeatedly dialed the number home. Yet another busy signal.

"Who could she be talking to now?" she silently asked herself, one ear dedicated to the conversation between her two friends.

"So will your parents let you go to school tomorrow?" she heard Amy asking Sara.

"I don't think so," Sara replied. "They've been fighting all day because my dad wants me to start telling people we're from Turkey. Mom says it's not right to lie."

Appalled and confused, Amy prodded. "Why do you have to lie? You didn't do anything."

"It doesn't matter. My dad says it's better this way." She adopted a more neutral tone, lower and subdued, as if she was ashamed to continue. "People kept calling all night, yelling at him. I think it scared him."

"Who was calling?" 

Sara shrugged. "Strangers. People we don't know."

Caught up in her friend's misery, Lizzie hung up the phone and wrapped an arm around her. The three girls walked to Sara's room, their heads hanging low in a clear reflection of the sadness between them. Without another thought, Liz abandoned any further effort to reach her mother. 

Back at the Bartlet's, tension was rising as Abbey unsuccessfully worked her way through Lizzie's address book. Suddenly, she jumped at the noise coming from the driveway, but the glimmer of hope was dashed when she realized it was Jed, who had haphazardly driven through the grass as he sped towards the house. 

"What happened? Where is she?" he asked, rushing to his wife's side.

"No answer at Amy's and Sara's line has been busy for the past half hour. No one else has seen her."

"Doesn't Amy have soccer practice on Mondays? Maybe Lizzie went to watch."

"She's supposed to call!"

"Honey, I'm sure she's fine." He tried to mask the silent hysteria that had invaded his own mind.

"Don't tell me she's fine when we don't know where the hell she is!"

Ellie sat in the corner, watching her parents with the same look of urgency that was visible in Abbey's eyes. "Can I go look for her? She might be lost." 

Jed knelt down beside his younger daughter. "No, Sweetheart, you can't. We're going to find her though. Your mom and I are going to find her."

This was familiar territory. Ellie was echoing the same words she had spoken the night that Abbey didn't come home. "But I miss her," she informed him.

"Why don't you go color a nice picture for Lizzie so you can give it to her when she gets home?" He stroked her silky curls then spun around at the sound of Abbey's voice. 

"Where the hell are the police? They should have been here by now." 

Jed took the receiver out of her hand. "Lets call Sara one more time."

Abbey stood beside him on the tips of her toes, her ear pressed up against his and her hands tightening around the cord as she heard the first ring. Three rings later, the sound stopped. 

"Hello? Is someone there?" Jed asked, confused by the lack of response.

"Hello?" Hashem replied. "Who is this?"

"This is Jed Bartlet, Elizabeth's father."

Hashem let out a sigh of relief. Finally, a friendly voice. "Oh, hi."

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm wondering if Sara has heard from my daughter. She didn't come home from school today."

"Elizabeth is here," Hashem answered, hesitating slightly because of his broken English. "She's with Sara now."

Jed put a comforting hand on Abbey's shoulder as she turned from him and buried her face in the palms of her hands, her fingers curling into a fist to rest against her forehead. Finally, she unclenched her muscles. It had been forty-five minutes since she realized Lizzie wasn't on the school bus. In that time, her entire body was held hostage by terrifying possibilities. 

Since her attack, she and Jed had transformed their entire lives to ensure their daughters' safety and for forty-five minutes on this day, it wasn't good enough. Her stomach churned with raw panic when she realized her worst fears were just a breath away from becoming reality. And now that Lizzie had been found, the panic that struck in the most sensitive crevices of her mind, had turned into sheer anger as a wave of nausea washed over her, causing her to run to the bathroom before she became physically ill.

"Abbey?" Jed approached her after he hung up the phone. "Honey, are you okay?"

Abbey balanced one hand on the sink as she hunched over to splash water on her face. "She's at Sara's?" 

"Should I call the doctor?"

"I'm fine. It's just morning sickness."

"You haven't had morning sickness in quite a while."

"I'm okay," she insisted, lifting her head to steal a glance in the mirror. "Is Lizzie at Sara's?"

Jed nodded. "Hashem says the girls are fine. Lizzie's just having fun."

"Until I get a hold of her," Abbey blurted out angrily as she started to leave.

Jed blocked her path through the doorway. "I think I should go get her."

"No, I want to see her. I want to make sure she's all right."

"Abbey, you're too upset. If you go over there, you're just going to get into a fight with her and before you know it, you will have both said something you'll later regret."

"I don't plan to regret a damn thing."

He gently squared her shoulders. "Honey, it'll make things worse. Let me go get her. You stay with Ellie. It'll give you a chance to cool off. You can't talk to her about this now, not when you're like this. All you're going to do is yell at her."

That was a likely scenario, she had to admit. "You're going to bring her straight home?"

"Of course."

"Okay." She reluctantly agreed.

Jed coiled an arm around her waist as he led her to the sofa. "Can I get you anything? Some ginger ale maybe?"

She shook her head. "Just bring Lizzie home." 

It was hard to admit how much the incident had shaken her. But she didn't have to admit it for Jed to know. He already knew that every labored breath she breathed was a direct result of the emotional pain that gnawed at her heart. She had been to hell and back in the agonizing minutes that Lizzie was missing and in the few seconds that she allowed him to look into her shiny jade-colored eyes, he realized the psychological torture had yet to fade.

It scared him to see her like this. This wasn't the strong, resilient Abbey he knew. Her petite form was swallowed by the sofa cushions, dwarfing her frame and emphasizing a vulnerability he hadn't seen in quite a while. She wasn't just recovering from Lizzie's disappearance. She was still recovering from her own.

TBC


	7. Phoenix

As soon as Jed drove through the ragged fence of the complex, he began scanning the numbers on the pillars outside the buildings. It was a circular drive through the worn-down parking lot before he finally located the paint-chipped unit that belonged to Sara's family. He stopped his car next to a yellow taxicab which sat isolated from the other spots as if deserted on that stretch of pavement. 

He stepped out slowly, squinting to read the scripted addresses as he headed up the stairway to the apartment on the left, his eyes caught on the domed light that kept flickering every few seconds.

"Hi," Hashem greeted him as he opened the door.

"Hi." Jed extended his hand. "Jed Bartlet."

"Hashem. It's nice to meet you. Come in." He spoke with a deep Middle Eastern accent and paused between his words, obviously struggling with his English. 

"I'm sorry about this. Lizzie knows better than to just drop in on people." With a few steps inside, Jed glanced at his surroundings. The white walls were bare except for a portrait of a young girl designed solely from an authentic Persian rug that was molded to an antique frame. 

"Sara was very upset today. I'm happy her friends came." He followed Jed's gaze to the portrait. "My mother made that when Sara was born."

"I'm sorry for staring. It's just so beautiful." He followed the red, brown, and purple lines with the tips of his fingers. "It's a rug. It's made out of carpet?"

"Yes, Sir. The image is sculpted...cut, really, into the shape you see there."

Jed chuckled at the formality. "Please, call me Jed."

"Can I get you tea? Hot tea?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

He nodded as he called for his daughter. "Sara, Lizzie's father is here!"

Amy, Sara, and Lizzie walked down the short hallway that separated the two bedrooms from the combination living room/dining room. Lizzie hid a few steps behind her two friends, an attempt to avoid the inevitable look of anger she was certain was plastered on her father's face. 

"Hi, Mr. Bartlet." Amy was the first to speak.

"Hi," Sara added. 

"Hi there," Jed replied, smiling at all three girls.

Lizzie nudged Sara to continue. "Mr. Bartlet, can Lizzie stay just a few more minutes? We're in the middle of a game."

"I think Lizzie's mother wants her home." Jed couldn't deny Sara's sparkling brown eyes that fell in disappointment from his answer. He looked to his daughter standing just behind her, then addressed Sara once again. "I'll tell you what. You guys have five minutes to finish your game. Okay?"

"Thank you!" Sara and Amy both exclaimed as Lizzie flashed a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Dad."

He watched them disappear down the same hallway to Sara's room before turning to Hashem. "You said Sara's been upset?" 

He didn't need to be told. He could see that the Sara he had met twice before wasn't the same girl he was seeing now. She was sad and subdued, her energetic spirit broken by the fear that touched her with every prank phone call. 

"Yes," Hashem answered. "She stayed home from school today. I was worried."

"Why?"

"People...been calling ever since..."

"Have they been threatening you?" Hashem shook his head slightly, reluctant to admit the true nature of the troubling calls. "Hashem, if they have been, we can do something. We can..." 

He shook his head again, this time a little more forcefully. "I don't want to. I understand."

"Understand what?"

"The anger. My country...the people in my country are doing terrible things."

"But you didn't," Jed said without a hint of doubt. "And it's not right for anyone to blame you. In fact, it's illegal for them to harass you."

"That's what my wife, Manaz, said too. She is proud of her heritage, of where she comes from." His voice broke for a second before he began again. "I'm not."

It was an incomprehensible thought to Jed, a man who took pride in revealing the contributions of his ancestor, his namesake. He was caught visibly off-guard. "What?"

"Do you know what it's like to be ashamed of your own country? Ashamed to say where you're from?"

He saw the anguish in Hashem's face at having to ask such a question. He nodded in a forced gesture of understanding as he changed the subject. "Do you have other kids?"

Hashem led the way to a small sofa in the corner of the room, allowing Jed to sit down before he sat beside him. "Yes. We have Yasmin. She's two. And my wife...she is pregnant."

"Congratulations! So is mine."

"And you have another daughter, no? Sara went to her birthday party."

"Yes, she did. Ellie turned five last month."

"I didn't know how expensive children were," Hashem said with a light laugh. "Especially in America."

"Why did you make the move?"

"I want to go to American university. I'm at community college now."

"What are you studying?" 

"I want to be a civil engineer. But it isn't easy. I can't afford to go to school only so I drive a cab also."

"Oh. Was that your taxi out front?"

Hashem nodded. "I'm here on student visa so I have to go to school full-time. This session, I don't have the money and Manaz is pregnant again." He took a breath and crinkled his brows enough to bring out the lines on his face. "We didn't want another baby. We tried to use..." 

He paused to find the word as Jed finished for him. "...birth control."

"Yes."

"It doesn't always work," Jed said with a grin. "Believe me, I know."

Hashem responded with a grin of his own. "Thank you for wanting to help us with the people who call."

"That's a standing offer." Jed shifted his body to confront him directly. "I mean it. If you want to, we can talk to the police, maybe have a tracer put on your phone. If they're making threats..."

Hashem raised his hand to stop him. "Like I said, I understand. They're mad now. I'll give them time."

Two months ago, Jed couldn't wait to get a glimpse into the lives of this family. But every attempt to meet Sara's parents was met with trepidation from Lizzie. He had assumed, at first, that perhaps the hesitation was with his own daughter. But now, he realized the reluctance was grounded in such uneasiness on Hashem's part. 

The two men sat side by side as Jed averted his prying eyes, unwilling to show his curiosity in the face of such sadness and unwarranted shame. It was something he couldn't even begin to understand.

Meanwhile, Abbey waited by the window, anxiously gripping the light cream underlay of the gauzy white curtains. Her temples were throbbing from her earlier panic. The momentary prick of pain in her stomach quickly subsided when Jed and Lizzie pulled into the driveway. 

Jed opened the door for Liz to walk ahead of him. Mother and daughter locked eyes, Abbey breaking the stare by pulling her into a fierce embrace.

"Lizzie!" Ellie called as she ran to her sister and wrapped her hands around both of them.

"Hey, El."

"I thought you got lost."

"No, I just went to a friend's house." Lizzie pulled away from the three-way hug and looked at her mother. "But I called. I did call."

"The phone never even rang," Abbey replied in a calm, unemotional tone.

"That's because it was busy."

"Then you didn't get permission, did you?" Abbey watched as Lizzie shrugged her backpack off her shoulders and slammed it onto the sofa with a sigh of exasperation. It was obvious she had already been through this with Jed. "Did you?" she asked again, this time a little louder.

Lizzie shook her head. "No. But I did call."

"That's not how things work and you know it. You get permission BEFORE you go somewhere and if you don't have permission, then you come home. We've told you that over and over again."

"I just went to Sara's."

Abbey nodded dismissively. "Well, that's the last time you'll be doing that for a while."

"Daddy already told me."

Jed stepped beside Abbey. "I grounded her for the rest of this week and all of next."

"You got off easy," Abbey said to Lizzie, her anger more apparent now. "I would have said till Christmas."

"It's not even Thanksgiving!"

"How about that?" she snapped.

"That isn't fair! You can't do that! Daddy already told me the rest of the week and next and you can't take that back!"

Silently, Jed sided with Liz, but he refused to undermine Abbey in front of her. "Lizzie, go get out of your school clothes. We'll talk about this later."

"It's not fair," Lizzie muttered again as she pouted on the way to her bedroom, Ellie trailing a few feet behind.

Abbey waited for the inevitable slam of the door before speaking to Jed. "You shouldn't have grounded her without talking to me. We should have made that decision together." 

"She actually did try to call," Jed firmly announced. "I believe her."

"Don't defend what she did. She knows the rules and she doesn't care. She always does whatever the hell she wants to do!" Abbey turned her back to him. 

"Always?" he questioned.

"It's not the first time she's pulled something like this. She's gotten away with it since she was a little girl."

"So we're taking past behavior into consideration?"

Abbey walked further away from him, retreating to the small corner on the side of the window. "Do you remember how much it scared you when she ran off to your father's?"

"That was six years ago."

"Yes it was. And nothing's changed." 

Jed approached her as she continued to gaze out into the front yard. "A lot has changed. She's changed, Abbey. She understood why what she did was wrong. She gets that."

"It doesn't stop her from doing it."

"She thought Sara needed her. And, actually, I think she was right about that."

"How is Sara?" she asked, softening her language as she looked at Jed.

"I don't know. The whole family is just shaken up. That's why Lizzie went over."

"I'm proud of her for wanting to help, but she doesn't get to decide what's a good enough reason to break the rules, and that's what this is about - her blatant disregard for OUR rules."

When she turned again, Jed caressed her upper arms, causing her to lean her body into his. With his hands clasped across her chest from behind, he could feel her trembling form pressed up against him. "You're not just mad at her for not coming home."

She spun into his embrace, their bodies now facing each other. "Of course I am."

"She scared you today as much as she scared me six years ago, but it's different," he countered. "You're mad because you're still scared." Abbey lowered her eyes in silent confirmation. "You're shaking. I can feel you shaking."

His index finger balanced under her chin, Jed lifted her head. Her beautiful features were marked with droopy skin, her lines deeper thanks to a sad frown and exaggerated expressions. He pulled on her shoulders until she was snuggled back in his strong, protective arms where he held her, stroking her back continually until her muscles eventually relaxed.

"Come with me," he instructed as he took her hand.

"I need to start dinner," Abbey protested, her attempt to turn to the kitchen impeded by him.

"Don't worry about dinner. We'll order Chinese. Just come with me."

She followed him into the master bedroom. He sat her on the edge of the bed and wandered into the bathroom, leaving her to hear the water rushing out of the faucet, splashing on the bottom of the porcelain tub.

"Jed?" She stood to poke her head around the corner. "I don't have time for a bath."

"Sure you do." Jed walked behind her. His fingers grasped the silver zipper of her rosy sweater dress and slowly followed the seamed pathway down to her hips. 

He curled his hands on either shoulder, gliding them across her silky smooth skin until they pushed the fabric off the top of her arms. It fell down her body and pooled around her ankles, her panties following the same track. He unhooked the clasp on her bra, letting it drop down on top, then took her hand as she stepped out of the puddle of clothing. 

"This isn't necessary," Abbey insisted.

Jed picked up a bottle of strawberry bubble bath and mixed it with a capful of vanilla bath oil then held it under the running water. He returned behind Abbey, his fingertips gripping her hips then following the trail up her spine to her neck. He gently rubbed the skin as his hands penetrated the tense muscles. 

"You really did a number on yourself today," he whispered.

"I guess I did."

"You're right, I shouldn't have grounded Lizzie without talking to you."

"Thank you." She relaxed her neck against his touch while he inhaled the lavender scent of her hair. 

"I explained to her that while we appreciate her trying to help her friend, she worried both of us very much. She agreed it was inconsiderate and promised me it would never, ever happen again."

"I've heard those promises before. We both have." She succumbed to the physical release, rubbing her backside against him as his fingers continued the kneading.

"I tried to handle it in a calm way so she understood WHY this was such a big deal, that we weren't just punishing her for going to Sara's, that it was important that we know where she is at all times."

With a look of panic, Abbey turned sharply. "You didn't remind her about him, did you?" For months, she had tried to ensure the scary aftermath of her attack vanished from her daughter's memory.

"I didn't have to. She's not a baby. She understands."

"I don't want to reinforce it." It was that little side of her that wanted to shelter Lizzie and Ellie from the venom of the world's evil.

"I know. I didn't say a word you wouldn't have wanted me to."

Abbey nodded her approval. "I admit your punishment was fair. But if she breaks her promise, if there's a next time..."

"We ground her for a year. I warned her."

"Okay."

She let out a faint gasp, opening her eyes when he stopped massaging her shoulders only to see him kneeled down beside the tub. As his fingers sprinkled a few drops of the bathwater, Abbey took a step in his direction.

"Give it a minute. It's too warm," he told her, blocking her way as he turned the faucet.

She smiled sweetly at his concern. It wasn't unexpected. This was Jed. This is who he is. Caring. Considerate. Protective. Every morning, he'd take a small sip of her tea before bringing it to her, his way of ensuring she didn't burn her lips. 

"You always take care of me."

"We take care of each other," Jed informed her, testing the temperature one more time after a splash of cold water. "Okay, I think we're good to go."

He rested a hand on the small of her back as he helped her climb into the sweet-smelling bubbles. Abbey sank down to her knees and leaned against the tiled wall. "There's plenty of room if you want to join me."

"I'm right here." Fully clothed, he sat beside her and dipped a wash cloth into the tub, lightly sliding the soaked tip up the length of her arms. "I just want you to relax."

"I'm finding that a lot easier to do now."

"Good." What a relief. "Still having morning sickness?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

"You always say that and I always worry about you."

She melted the tepid stream of floating bubbles, her limbs gradually loosening with the release of tension. "I know I say it a lot, but this time I mean it." She put her hand over his wrist, forcing him to stop and simply look at her. "I'm really okay now."

Those emerald orbs always held such trust and honesty. She was being truthful. For the moment, she was okay. And for the moment, to Jed, that was all that mattered.

TBC


	8. Phoenix

"Put it down." Abbey adjusted the blue and white cloth gown to fall over her knees as she squirmed to get comfortable on the examination table.

"You have eyes in the back of your head?" Jed asked, standing at the end of the table right behind her, fumbling with a skeletal model of a hand.

"Yes. Put it down."

"She's an obstetrician. Why the hell does she have a hand in here?"

"Would you please put it down?" Abbey was the mother to Jed's inner child. Motivated by a curious personality, the sensible, mature adult would sometimes morph into a little boy, eager to experiment and desperate to entertain. Usually, that inner child would only appear when he was playing with Lizzie and Ellie, but from time to time, he would surface at the most inopportune times. 

Like now.

Jed acquiesced to his wife's request. He returned the model to its home then scanned the room. But even when his eyes left the desktop hand, they wandered back seconds later. The bony object piqued his insatiable interest and left him no reasonable way to muffle his enthusiasm. He approached it again, lifting it as his lips curved into a mischievous grin. 

He twisted the silver-stemmed handle and moved quietly towards his wife. Abbey's head rested unsuspectingly on a white cotton pillow. Just the thought of what he was about to do provoked a smile. He adjusted his body to get the best possible angle, then pushed the base of the hand into her auburn locks, gently vibrating it so that the pointy fingertips scratched her scalp.

Momentarily startled by the feeling, Abbey reached above and smacked his wrist. "What the hell?"

Jed lost the battle with a stubborn laugh that forced its way out of his mouth. The hand fell from his grip as he struggled to compose himself. "Abbey! Look what you did!"

She sat up to watch him scramble in a hunt for the shattered joints. "What the hell is the matter with you? Why can't you just sit still and not touch anything?"

"I was just having fun. I didn't expect you to have a fit." He examined the parts, confused by the three middle fingers. "How do these go in?" 

"Don't look at me. You broke it. You fix it." She couldn't deny the minutes of entertainment he'd provide if he were left to figure it out on his own.

Jed was shocked by her refusal to help. Surely she wasn't going to leave him hanging in a cloud of confusion. "Come on. Tell me how to get these fingers back in."

Abbey shook her head. "Uh uh." 

"Good morning," Dr. Gibson greeted them as she opened the squeaky door after a quick knock.

Jed held out the skeletal fragments. "My wife broke your hand."

"Jed!" Abbey scolded.

"It's okay," Dr. Gibson intervened as she accepted the fractured hand. "I have a husband too." 

Abbey winked at Jed. But it wasn't an innocent, flirtatious token of her love. The flutter of her eyelashes expressed the gloating she was forced to suppress in front of the doctor. "So you understand."

"I do." Dr. Gibson flipped the pages of Abbey's chart without another look at Jed, who managed to fall into an open seclusion in the corner. "So, 25 weeks. How do you feel?"

"Fat." Abbey stared at her bulging belly. "I'm not quite as big as I was with Ellie, so I know it's just going to get worse."

"Your weight is actually less than it should to be."

"What does that mean?" Jed asked.

"It means it wouldn't hurt to fatten her up a bit." Dr. Gibson curved her hand around Abbey's belly and pressed lightly.

"Good luck with that! She already has a complex. No matter how many times I tell her she's breathtakingly beautiful, she doesn't believe me." He was dumbfounded by her own body image, constantly teasing that her perception of herself was so out of the realm of reality that he might just have to remove all the mirrors from the house.

"You'd say that even if I was 500 pounds."

"That's because you would be beautiful, even if you weighed 500 pounds."

With furrowed brows, Abbey looked to the doctor. "It's okay that I'm underweight?"

"You're not that far off. The ultrasound will tell us exactly how big the baby is, but I don't feel anything out of the ordinary." She ran her fingers down Abbey's legs, stopping at her ankles.

"Will we actually see a baby this time?" Jed stood cautiously excited. "Last time, it was a big blob."

"Only to you, Hon." Abbey laughed. 

"You'll be able to see a lot more this time. And this time, I'll tell you if it's a boy or a girl - if you want to know."

"We don't," Abbey quickly replied. "I think we're having a boy. He thinks we're having a girl." She smiled warmly in Jed's direction. "We'd rather wait to be surprised."

"She means she'd rather wait to bow to my superior instinct." His arrogance wiped the smile right off her face.

"And your delusional grandeur." 

Dr. Gibson remained neutral to the exchange. While treating Abbey for the past several months, she had come to accept their snappy quips as the charming repartee that defined them as a couple about as much as the affectionate glances they'd throw one another during each and every visit. She removed the stethoscope from Abbey's belly and wrapped it around her neck. 

Armed with a bottle of the cold, gooey gel, the ultrasonographer introduced herself to Abbey before probing her abdomen. She had been through this before, but nothing could prepare her for the cool sensation at the first touch. She winced, curling her toes and clenching her calves. Jed chuckled from his vantage point, blissfully oblivious to the wicked glare Abbey was shooting from across the room. That is, until she shrieked.

"What's the matter?" Dr. Gibson had just tested the transducer across the slimy surface of her gel-covered tummy. 

"Nothing. The feeling just caught me off-guard."

"Is it very tender?" She pressed down on the area with a gloved hand and watched for any change in Abbey's facial expression. 

"No. I thought it might be. That's all."

"Why? Have you been having pain there?"

"Not really pain," Abbey began. "Just...a little..."

"Pain," Dr. Gibson finished.

"Just a slight twinge now and then. It passes very quickly."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jed took a few nervous steps towards his wife. He was surprised, to say the least. Abbey usually kept him abreast of every change in her pregnancy. At least, he thought she did. 

"Because it's no big deal," she answered. "Right, Dr. Gibson?"

"Well, we'll check it out. You're not feeling any pain today?"

"No. Not at all." She dropped her arm to the side and laced her fingers around Jed's. His body language was stiff and unresponsive, but she held his hand tighter until his muscles relaxed into her palm. 

"You're avoiding stress?" 

"I'm trying."

"Trying isn't good enough, Abbey. I told you to avoid all stress."

"Yes, but you don't have a little boy that you have to watch like a hawk." 

Dr. Gibson looked at her quizzically. "I thought you had two girls."

"I was talking about my husband," Abbey joked.

Jed wasn't amused. Physically, he was right next to her, but mentally, he was isolated in his own world of bewilderment. From the day he found out she was pregnant, he had battled the terrible thoughts that ran rampant through his mind, finding solace in the fact that he was adequately monitoring Abbey's condition. Her progress had become his top priority. 

But the wires got crossed. Somewhere along the way, it had become acceptable for her to leave him out of the fray, to exclude him from the daily challenges of this pregnancy. She had been doing it for weeks. He spoke out a couple of times, but usually, he kept quiet to avoid disrupting the harmony. 

But silence wasn't quite so easy this time.

He held his displeasure until they were alone. Finally, he released her hand from his. "Why didn't you tell me you were having pain?"

"It was no big deal." Abbey spoke dismissively. 

"It is a big deal," Jed countered. "You should have told me. I don't like being shut out."

"I wasn't shutting you out, but the pain always disappeared so quickly. There would have been nothing you could have done about it."

"You don't know that."

"You're right," she teased in an effort to lighten the mood. "What was I thinking? With your medical training, there's no telling..."

"Damn it, Abbey, I'm not kidding!" If his harsh tone didn't alert her to how serious he was, his reddened face and bulging eyes certainly did. 

Abbey paused as she stared at him, neither willing nor anxious to explain. For months, she had been the one with the doubts and his attempts at reassurance were met with skepticism before acceptance. The tables had turned. Now, she was the one feeling safe and secure, convinced that nothing could threaten this baby. And it was Jed - strong, encouraging Jed - who seemed to be showing some fear.

"Okay. I think it's obvious you're not kidding, but do we have to talk about this here?"

"No, of course we don't," he said bitterly. "We'll just talk about it wherever and whenever you want. You're making all the decisions anyway, so you tell me when would be a good time to talk about this. Should I pull out an appointment book and schedule a chat?"

The sarcasm that ordinarily lit her temper, now just filled her with questions. "What is that supposed to mean?" His gaze fell to the floor where he shuffled his feet impatiently. "Jed? I'm asking you. What does that mean?"

"What?"

"You said that I'm making all the decisions and I'm asking what you meant by that. Have I left you out of this?"

Jed nodded emphatically. "Yes. I feel like you have." Abbey waited silently for him to continue. "I've been so worried about you since day one. When we found out you were pregnant, it was because you weren't feeling well."

"That's normal. I wasn't feeling well when I found out I was pregnant with Lizzie."

"Yeah, but this is different." He tried to sound solid and powerful as he accentuated every syllable. But behind the facade, Abbey saw something she hadn't seen in quite a while - her husband's vulnerability.

"Because I haven't included you?" She wasn't proving a point now. She was genuinely shocked by the accusation.

"Not in this. You didn't tell me about this." Jed sat on the edge of her bed, facing the wall in front of him with his back to Abbey. 

"I wasn't purposely trying to exclude you." She rubbed his shoulders in a sympathetic gesture of remorse. "Pregnancy causes all kinds of little pains, Jed. Most of them are absolutely nothing to worry about. If I thought there was a serious problem, don't you think I would have told you?" 

He tried a nonchalant approach, but his spirited shrug took him nowhere. He had to be honest. "I hope that you would."

"But you have doubts?" 

"I don't like feeling out of control, Abbey. I don't like thinking that every decision that's made about this baby is made by you." 

"I'm not..."

His posture abruptly changed as he whirled his upper body around to face her, his shoulders no longer droopy, his eyes no longer worn. "Yes, you are. You are. I have no say in anything, not in the way you handle your stress, not in how many hours you're putting in at the women's clinic, not even in the Lamaze classes."

"First of all, the clinic is not negotiable. I'm there 20 hours a week, max. And as for the Lamaze classes, you didn't want to take them?"

"No, I didn't. I liked the birthing classes we took when we had Ellie, the one where they emphasized the husband's role during labor." 

"A lot of good that did," Abbey muttered. "You had a concussion when I was in labor with Ellie."

With a bit of regret, Jed relived the memory of nearly missing his younger daughter's birth due to his own clumsiness. "I did."

"Is that what this is about?"

"This is about all the things I told you it was about."

Abbey grabbed his hand again. This time, she tenderly stroked his knuckles. "Jed, the Lamaze method also emphasizes your role. You're my partner. My coach. You'll be with me every step of the way."

"There are a lot of critics of these kinds of classes."

"There are critics of all the methods. You know that." He had to admit he did. "But I'm asking you to just give Lamaze a try. After we go to the first class, if you're still uncomfortable, we'll do the birthing classes again. Okay?"

"Okay." 

Abbey felt the tension ease between them as she raised her hand to caress his cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were feeling this way."

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the return of Dr. Gibson. "Sorry it took so long, but I wanted to make sure we have this." She held up a thick wandlike instrument.

"What is that?"

"It'll give us a better picture of your baby so I can see what's going on."

As the doctor turned the monitor, the ultrasonographer, once again coated Abbey's stomach with the gel. Jed remained beside her as he felt the tiny shiver he was expecting.

"So, Doc," Jed started. "What if one of us wants to know the sex of the baby?" This was the perfect opportunity to take advantage of Abbey's understanding nature.

"Wait!" She pulled on his arm. "I thought we agreed we didn't want to know."

"No, Sweet Knees, YOU said you didn't want to know. And you told me that I didn't want to know either." He triumphantly spun himself towards the monitor. "It turns out, I do."

"Jed..."

"Abbey. I really want to know."

She couldn't very well argue with him after the conversation they just had. "Yeah. Fine. Dr. Gibson, please tell him the sex of our baby."

"I can tell you both," she offered as Abbey shook her head.

"No, thank you. I'd prefer to be surprised."

"Then you'll have to look away when we do the ultrasound."

"Why?" 

"You're a doctor, Abbey. You might very well know the sex as soon as you catch a glimpse of the picture."

Jed smirked at her predicament. Caught between watching the images and her desire to be surprised, Abbey directed a snarky tone towards him as she promised to stay true to her earlier intentions. "I trust the doctor to tell me should anything be out of the ordinary. I'm perfectly fine with looking away."

"Yeah, right!" Jed wasn't convinced.

As the transducer poked at her belly, a pulsating sound invaded the quiet room. It was the sound of their baby's heartbeat. Jed's sapphire orbs were glued to the screen as if hypnotized by the scratchy black and white pictures while Abbey fought to keep her attention - and her head - elsewhere.

"I still can't tell if it's a boy or a girl." Jed couldn't tell, but Abbey was sure she would know. 

"I'll whisper it to you afterwards," Dr. Gibson told him.

Already consumed by her own curiosity, Abbey now had another problem. Soon, Jed would know something she didn't. And it wasn't just a shallow factoid. This was the sex of their child, a piece of information she had cast aside to make the pregnancy more exciting. But, truthfully, she yearned to know. 

She maneuvered the sheet that constricted her movement and lifted her head to steal a glance at the monitor. Quietly. Methodically. Swiftly. In such a way that no one noticed. It was such a quick peek, in fact, that she saw something that wasn't even there, something that caused her to relax against her pillow and spur her vivid imagination into overdrive. 

But if she had really devoted any time at all to the monitor, she would have realized that what she saw was a mistake. A simple blip on the screen. She wasn't expecting a son, as she believed. The protruding bulge in her midsection that was growing at a painstakingly slow pace was actually sheltering the development another daughter. 

She was carrying a little girl. 

 

TBC


	9. Phoenix

Jed Bartlet always had a knack for subtle observation. When he really put his mind to it, his eyes could soak in a scene in a matter of seconds, capturing the most minute details on a quest to discover a person's idiosyncrasies. Usually, Abbey was the target of his sociological probing. But sometimes, the honor fell to someone else. 

He moved his head slowly from left to right as he scanned the dinner table. Lizzie and Sara sat side by side, whispering and giggling as preteen girls are prone to do. Ellie sat next to them, her attention dedicated to two-year-old Yasmin who tried, with every breath in her little body, to form the words that would help her carry on a conversation that mirrored her big sister's. Ellie helped her when she stuttered, occasionally looking to her mother for assistance herself. And when she wasn't being addressed by her younger daughter, Abbey was deeply engaged in a conversation with Manaz, the two pregnant women comparing the large mounds that dominated their figures.

And finally, at the other end of the table was Hashem. He tried desperately to hide his somber demeanor, but he couldn't outwit Jed's experienced radar. A self-proclaimed student of human behavior, Jed relished the fact that everyone had a story. Some were filled with colorful anecdotes. Others were simply told in the plainest fashion. But he didn't care. A story was a story and there was no better way to chronicle living history than through individual stories. 

Jed was fascinated by Hashem's fortitude and his love for America. He looked back on the uncertainty and fear that coursed through him when he and Abbey moved to London just after their wedding. So far away from family and friends, from the comfort and familiarity of New England, he was initially filled with anxiety.

Now, as he looked at Hashem, he couldn't help but embrace the man's courage. The fact that he had packed up his life and moved to a foreign land in search of better opportunities, a better education for himself and his girls, energized Jed. And that raw energy, born out of admiration for the immigrant's plight, was never more important than it was right now. 

There was a problem, Lizzie had told her father. Hashem was one class short of a full courseload that semester. He couldn't afford the full tuition so he registered for what he could and worked part-time as a taxi driver. But as a guest on a Student Visa, he was technically breaking immigration rules. It may have been overlooked or unreported a year earlier, but Hashem's indiscretion now collided with the Iranian Revolution. And in the midst of intense scrutiny brought on by the upheaval of terrorists in his native country, breaking the rules was simply unacceptable, no matter what the reason.

His work permit had been revoked and he was forced to quit school. The family was preparing for deportation as soon as Manaz delivered her baby. 

Jed waited to steal a private moment with the patriarch, hoping that perhaps there was some way he could help. When the girls lured their mothers into Lizzie's room, he knew he had an opportunity. He slid over a couple of chairs and prepared to approach the subject, but before he began, Hashem surprised him. 

"It was a delicious dinner. Thank you," he said.

"Eh, I didn't do anything. Abbey's the real cook in the family."

"I'll be sure to thank her then." Hashem's lips moved slightly, as if he had more to say. But several agonizing minutes passed before he did. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah?" If he was willing to bring it up, Jed would sit back and let him.

"You said you could help me with the people who call?"

"Are they still bothering you?"

Hashem emphatically shook his head. "No, no. They're not. But I hope..." A man who never asked for help before found it difficult to ask for it now. "I...the government..."

Jed placed his hand on top of Hashem's. "It's okay. Lizzie told me."

Though startled by the fact that his daughter had told her friends, Hashem had to admit it was a relief that he didn't have to recount the story. "Sara wasn't supposed to tell."

"They're eleven-year-old girls. They talk."

"I'm glad she did. I wouldn't know how..."

"Do you want my help? I mean, would it be okay if I..."

Hashem stared down at the mahogany table, avoiding eye contact as he nodded. "If you can try to help me, please..."

Jed stopped him at the first sign of his discomfort. "Of course I'll try. I'll do everything I can."

"I wouldn't ask for me, but Manaz and Sara and Yasmin..."

"I have a wife and daughters too. I understand." Jed made an attempt to put himself in Hashem's place, to imagine what he would do if a circumstance beyond his control rendered him helpless and unable to provide for his family. He realized quickly it was something he couldn't bare to even contemplate.

"Thank you."

"Through my work at the State House, I have some contacts, not only in New Hampshire, but in other states as well. It's going to be a game of who knows whom and at the end of the line, hopefully, we can reach some pretty important people who will review your situation."

"Who?"

"I don't know yet." It was hard to say those words to a man who had such little hope left in him. "But I promise you, I'll find out." 

"What should I do?"

"We'll go over everything. I need you to tell me the terms of your Visa and why you were unable to..."

"I had to work. School...it's expensive. Everything's expensive. It was a choice between not taking a class or not buying enough food for my children."

Jed had to agree that was a no-brainer. "I would have done the same thing. But I need to put that in writing and given the current political climate, we need to be convincing."

Hashem understood. He was the first to admit that while American hostages were still missing, spread out over rural parts of Iran, making a rescue mission an impracticality, the government's priority should rest with protecting its residents. But he hadn't worked in more than two weeks. Without a work permit, two young daughters and a baby on the way, his family's savings were dwindling fast.

"When can we start?" he asked.

For a second, Jed's attention wavered as he stared at Yasmin's purple bottle that had fallen to its side when she left the table with her mother. It was one of those wide ones with a rounded base and a soft, silicone nipple, the kind that occasionally leaked if not upright. 

"Tomorrow. First thing tomorrow."

Both a bit uncomfortable, the two men allowed the silence between them without a fight. It was only when their wives and daughters returned to the table that either of them spoke again.

Their conversation teetered in Jed's mind long after Hashem left. He wrestled with the options, knowing that if he really wanted to help, time was a luxury not to be wasted. This family's future depended on what he could do for them. For one of the first times in his life, the thought of the power he may have, or in the end, he may find out he really didn't have, frightened him. 

Later that evening, Abbey pulled a loose-fitting tank top over her head and yanked on the hem to cover her protruding stomach. It was time for the nightly inspection. Turned to her side, she molded her right hand to the top slope of the bulge, watching her reflection in the full length mirror as her fingers poked their way towards her hips. 

"You're doing just fine, Little Guy," she whispered to her belly. "I can't wait until you come out and join us."

She had been talking to her baby since she first learned she was pregnant. But it was only in the past few weeks that she was sure her words were being heard. Every syllable was met with some kind of movement, every vibration of music met with a kick. And every night, after tucking in Lizzie and Ellie, Jed would lay beside her, wrap an arm around her shoulder, and snuggle as they'd both read a bedtime story to the youngest little Bartlet swimming in her belly. 

"We have to pick out a story for tonight unless we want Daddy to pick it for us. If he picks it, you know what that'll mean." She jerked slightly at the soft kick. "Yeah, I remember last week's book too," she giggled, thinking about the night Jed read a book of Greek mythology to their unborn child.

She slipped on a pair of oversized sweat pants and pulled down the covers as Jed stood silently in the doorway. He watched her dark auburn tresses fall to her shoulders when she released the brown clip that had been taming them. Even from across the room, he could smell the fragrance of the vanilla hand lotion she began applying to her hands and working up to her elbows.

He loved to watch her get ready for bed. Underneath the veil of stress and tension that had plagued her throughout the day, was the gorgeous woman who managed to play the strings of his heart effortlessly.

There's a certain glow that comes with pregnancy, a fiery light under the rosy hues of a woman's skin. Jed had always seen it on Abbey's face. During the nine months the fetus inside her would blossom into a human being, her figure wasn't the only thing that would change. He saw it with Lizzie. He saw it again with Ellie. And he was seeing it now.

A pink blush colored her creamy alabaster cheeks and the bridge of her nose with a natural sheen that drew attention to her twinkling eyes. Like the authentic gemstone by the same name, her jade green orbs held hints of her immeasurable strength and the sizzling passion that emphasized her genuine radiance. 

He was mesmerized by her beauty. But it was more than the superficial stuff that took his breath away. The knowledge that her exterior attributes were matched by a spirited personality, an intelligent mind, and a compassionate soul just as lovely as her stunning face only deepened his love. 

"Jed?" She had just noticed his intrusion. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry." He took a step inside the threshold, approaching her with a plate topped with the Zolbia Hashem and Manaz brought over.

"I already had dessert."

Jed set a glass of milk on the nightstand beside her as she accepted the plate. "The doctor said to fatten you up."

"I never knew you'd get pleasure out of doing that."

"I get pleasure out of keeping you healthy." He crawled onto the foot of the bed and picked up her right leg to lay it across his knees. Gently, he massaged her toes.

"That feels so good."

"I told you to let me help you with the cooking. Being on your feet all day was bound to tire you out."

"But if I had let you help, I wouldn't be getting this wonderful attention now, would I?"

Jed let go of her right foot to pick up her left and repeat the process. "You're not exactly hurting for attention, Abbey," he growled.

"I didn't say I was." Something in his tone alerted her to the fact that he wasn't just teasing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You just snapped at me. What's wrong?" Abbey put her plate next to the glass on the nightstand as Jed moved up towards the head of the bed.

"I didn't snap at you." He grabbed her hip to push her to her side, away from him. Beginning with her lower back, he manipulated the muscles that surrounded her spine. 

"You snapped at me."

"I'm just saying that I pay you a lot of attention."

Abbey reached behind her to take his hand as she rolled onto her back. "I know that. I was only kidding." With one look into his eyes, she saw the agitation he was trying to hide. "What's wrong?" Jed released his hold and laid back onto his pillow. "Is it this thing with Hashem?"

"I guess."

"You said you would help him. That's all you can do."

"And what if I can't? I mean, technically, he didn't follow the rules. The INS can do whatever the hell it wants."

"There may be a way around that. You just have to look for the loopholes."

"I just went into Ellie's room a few minutes ago. She couldn't sleep so I brought her a glass of warm milk." Getting Jed to admit what was bothering him was like a bumpy ride on an airplane that circles around the airport several times before finally landing. "Yasmin loves milk too, Hashem told me."

"Yeah." She curled up closer to him as he slid his arm under her back.

"He hasn't been working," Jed reminded her. "He was forced to take milk off the grocery list this week." Abbey pushed herself towards him even more. "At first, it seemed like a reasonable sacrifice. I mean, milk prices have soared, partly thanks to me."

She pulled away slightly to look at him. "To you?" 

"Two years ago, a bunch of the state legislators got together to fight foreign companies who threatened to undercut American dairy prices."

"I remember. But the federal government took over. They're the ones who passed the Trade Agreement Act, not the state of New Hampshire."

"It was because of us. Us and legislators in Ohio and Wisconsin and Massachusetts." He once recalled his accomplishment with pride. Now, he was just filled with remorse. "And as if it wasn't enough to protect dairy farmers from the foreign market, New Hampshire farmers want more."

"Like what?" Abbey waited for his answer, but he didn't give one. He simply sighed. "Jed, are you considering a state initiative?"

"Just before we wrapped up the session, we discussed the feasibility of an agreement between New Hampshire, Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut." It was the first time the idea of the New England Dairy Compact was floated between the states.

"Stipulating what?"

"Raising minimum milk prices and, at the same time, avoiding competition from other states."

"That's good for our farmers."

"And bad for everyone else. There are people who struggle just to make ends meet and can't afford to buy milk for their families."

"Honey..."

"Yasmin's bottle was leaking tonight, Abbey. It was leaking onto the table. But it wasn't milk. Her father can't afford to buy milk so he filled his baby's bottle with water instead. It was water that came out of that little girl's bottle."

Abbey tenderly stroked his chest as it rose with every heavy breath. "It's not your fault that he can't afford milk. It's not your fault that he can't work, that he can't pay the bills."

"I know. I'm just saying I'm a state representative. I'm supposed to represent all my constituents, not just the farmers." He never realized he'd have to remind himself of that. 

"You do, Jed. You do."

"Apparently, not well."

"What are you going to do?"

"Fight it. Fight them."

"You're going to piss off the farmers?"

"If it comes to that."

He was seeing the entire issue from a new vantage point and in typical Jed Bartlet fashion, his fear of impotence over Hashem's situation was overshadowed by something he could control, something he could fight with the intensity that defined all his political struggles. It empowered him. It gave him a sense of authority and leadership. Abbey always said he couldn't fix everything. But he would devote his undying attention to what he could. 

TBC


	10. Phoenix

"Pinch. Pinch. Pinch." 

Ellie shouted out the instruction with each and every pinch of the pie crust. Abbey had stationed her on the step stool next to the counter, but the five-year-old had greater aspirations. As soon as her mother disappeared into the other room, she climbed onto the countertop and tucked her knees under her so she could bend forward with ease, her little fingers positioned for all the pinches. 

"Ellie!" Abbey hollered at the first sight of her daughter's forbidden perch. "You know you're not supposed to be up there!"

"But I couldn't reach."

"Did you ask Lizzie to help you?"

"No!" Lizzie answered from the kitchen table as she peeled a potato.

Ellie's head dropped in that contrite way it always did when she feared she was about to get into trouble. Her strawberry blonde curls brushed past her shoulders and hugged both her rosy cheeks as she wrapped her pudgy arms around Abbey's neck and dangled her feet, waiting to be picked up.

"Yeah, you certainly are cute." Unable to resist the sweet embrace, Abbey pulled her off the counter. "But from now on, you stay where I tell you to, okay?"

"Okay." Ellie held on tighter when she felt her mother's grip loosen. "No, hold me."

"I can't hold you too long, Sweetie. You know that." Abbey lowered her to the stool. 

"But I like it when you hold me."

"Ellie, Mom can't hold you right now because she's pregnant," Lizzie reminded her.

This was exactly why the pregnancy had become such a source of resentment for the little girl. "After the baby's born, will you hold me again?"

Her voice was strained with the smallest inkling of anguish that melted Abbey's heart. "I would hold you forever if I could. I'd never, ever let you go."

"Really?"

"Really. But I don't think I'll be able to do that. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you're getting so big that I bet by next year, you won't even want me to hold you. In fact, I think you'll be strong enough to hold me." While she hadn't yet mastered the magic formula to take away Ellie's insecurities, her answer did garner a light giggle. 

"No, I won't."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see, huh? In the meantime, eat your vitamin." Abbey handed her the Flintstone vitamin she had abandoned an hour earlier. 

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, Ma'am." She laughed as Ellie scrunched her face at the taste of the sour pill. "All right, come on, Goldilocks. We need to finish this pie and set it aside before Daddy starts picking at it."

His ears instinctively ringing, Jed hurried out of the bedroom and joined the threesome in the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a forest green Dartmouth sweatshirt. His hair was still damp from his shower and a few stray strands shadowed his forehead, just barely flicking his lashes when he blinked. 

"I heard my name," he said as he brushed up against Abbey, giving her a whiff of the lavender scent she immediately recognized.

"You smell awfully familiar," she teased. "Did someone run out of shampoo?"

"Yes, I used your shampoo," he admitted with a grin. "Is that a problem?"

"Not at all. I just know you hate smelling like me." Abbey ran her fingers through the brown tresses. 

"It's not that I hate it." He gripped her hips as she continued to style his wet mane. "It's that it's a feminine scent. I'm...you know...a man."

"Yes, I noticed" She lifted her head to press her lips into his for a quick kiss. "And your manly locks of hair certainly prove it."

"I'll pick up some REAL shampoo tomorrow." Jed walked around her on his way to the fridge.

"Actually, you could go now."

He took out a carton of orange juice and turned to find Abbey handing him a glass. "It's Thanksgiving."

"It is Thanksgiving. And you forgot the green beans."

"I didn't forget the green beans," he insisted as he poured the juice then returned the carton to its home.

"Jed, you forgot the green beans. I gave you a list and you forgot the green beans."

"No. I simply didn't buy the green beans." He took a sip after flashing her a cocky smile. "We have corn and potatoes and broccoli and carrots. Why do we need green beans?" No matter how hard anyone tried, no one could get Jed Bartlet to like his green beans. 

"Because my parents love them. And so do I, for that matter."

"Yeah, well, Lizzie and I hate them. Don't we, Sweetheart?" Lizzie reluctantly nodded. Eleven years of experience had taught her not to voluntarily get between her mother and father on discussions like these. 

"I like them too, Mommy!" Ellie hadn't learned that lesson yet.

"You see that?" Abbey addressed Jed, grateful for Ellie's support. "Are you going to deny your five-year-old daughter the thing she loves the most on Thanksgiving?"

"Oh, that's cold, Abigail." Jed pushed aside his glass and examined the apple pie sitting in front of him. Abbey moved it out of his reach.

"Lizzie, you wanna go with your Dad to make sure he picks up some green beans?"

"I'm writing my list," Lizzie replied.

"List of what?"

"All the things I'm thankful for."

Jed's eyes lit up at the mere mention of an alternative to the family tradition that inevitably led to boredom every year. "That's a great idea! We always come to awkward pauses at the dinner table. We should all have them written out."

"You can do that later," Abbey suggested, her eyes glued to her husband's prying fingers snaking around the aluminum pan.

"I think she should do it now." His index finger had barely touched the edge of the crust when Abbey slapped the back of his hand. "Hey!"

"Stop picking at the pie!"

"You know, until a second ago, one of the things I was thankful for was the fact that you didn't hit." In an exaggerated gesture of surrender, he grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl.

"Poor baby. I know how much you loathe false impressions." Abbey's tone was obviously laced with a hint of a chuckle. "You'll have to go to the store in Lebanon. They're the only ones still open."

"Fine, I'll go to Lebanon." Jed strolled past her, but Abbey looped her arm in his to turn him back around. 

"Not until you dry your hair."

"Abbey!" Sometimes, Jed could be a bigger baby than Lizzie and Ellie. 

"It's 40 degrees outside!" And sometimes, Abbey was a stricter parent with him than she was with the girls.

"I'm a grown man!" He never missed an opportunity to share that.

"You think there might be a reason you have to keep reminding me?" 

He wasn't going to lose this battle, not in front of his daughters. "I can make my own decisions, Sugar Plum. And today, I'm going to leave the house with wet hair."

Abbey bit down on her lower lip, knowing the anticipation of her reaction was driving him crazy. "Okay."

"Okay?" How unlike her to acquiesce that easily. Jed was suspicious. "What do you mean okay?"

"I mean okay. Fine. All right. You win." Her face was beaming with manipulation. "You're a grown-up. You can do what you want."

"That's right."

"That's right," she repeated. "Just don't expect my sympathy when you're sick with pneumonia."

Jed squinted his eyes as his glare shifted slightly. He grabbed his coat, secretly snatching a hat to wear on his dampened head. "Come on, Lizzie. Lets go."

He handed her her coat. "Daddy, what about the Plight of the Pilgrims?" 

No holiday in the Bartlet house was ever complete without a history lesson from Jed. Usually, his stories were packed with trivia and little known facts that generated a chorus of growls when shared. But underneath the superficial protests, Lizzie and Abbey had to admit, his charming tales only made the holidays more festive.

"I'll tell you in the car."

"What about me?" For the first time, Ellie showed interest in her father's Thanksgiving story.

"You wanna hear the Plight of the Pilgrims, Sweetheart?" Jed waited for the nod before approaching her. "Then I guess you'll have to come with us." He threw her into the air and caught her as gravity helped her down.

"Okay!" Unfortunately, her enthusiasm was short-lived. Realizing that Abbey wasn't going to join them, Ellie held out her hands to her mother.

"Ellie, I'm going to take a nap."

"I wanna take a nap too!" Those words had never been spoken by either of her daughters. 

"You wanna take a nap?" Jed asked as he held her.

"Uh huh! With Mommy!" Ellie kicked her feet at Jed's waist, a clear indication she wanted to get down.

"Yeah, okay." He set her down. "You're going to miss the Plight of the Pilgrims." 

She shrugged sadly. "I know."

Ellie's attachment to her mother wasn't healthy. Jed and Abbey had spent hours discussing how to help their young daughter cope with the pregnancy, but all the reassurances in the world hadn't improved the situation. They hoped the birth of the new baby and their interaction with Ellie afterwards would convince her that her place in the family was meticulously guarded. Until then, they'd just have to adjust. 

Jed kneeled down in front of her, holding her tiny hands in his. "Tell you what. When we get back and you and Mommy wake up, I'll give you a special private version of the Plight of the Pilgrims. Does that sound like a plan?"

She emphatically nodded with a fierce hug as she pushed herself into him. He kissed her cheek and ruffled the top of her hair as he rose to his feet.

Ellie watched Lizzie and Jed leave, oblivious to Abbey's footsteps sneaking up behind her. "Okay, Miss Eleanor, you wanna help me prepare a cinnamon log before we take our nap?"

The thought of the sugary treat was enough to distract her. "Yeah!" She jumped onto the step stool and waited for Abbey to bring her the leftover pie crust.

"Okay, mash it down." Ellie pounded on it several times then made room for Abbey to flatten it. 

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"How long do you have to go away when the baby comes?"

Abbey held the roller with one hand and lifted Ellie's droopy chin with the other. "I'll only be in the hospital for a couple of days. And your dad's going to bring you there to see me."

"He will?" She was genuinely surprised. 

"Of course he will." 

Suddenly, her entire demeanor changed. "Can I sprinkle the cinnamon?"

Abbey poured a pinch of cinnamon and a dash of sugar into her palms. "Make sure it goes all over."

"Okay!" A few grains spilled through her fingers.

"Careful, Sweetie. Don't let it all fall to one spot."

"I won't." 

She looked on with a proud smile as Ellie's brows furrowed in concentration. "You know how much I love you?"

"Beyond the sun, the moon, and the stars..."

"...to eternity and back," Abbey finished. "That's never going to change." 

Ellie didn't verbally respond, but her teal-colored eyes sparkled at the sentiment as she continued to distribute the toppings as evenly as possible. It would take even more to convince her, but the daily reminders of love certainly did help.

Meanwhile, Jed and Lizzie braved the cool temperatures without protest. They walked side by side out of the grocery store, Jed carrying the small paper bag stuffed with several cans of green beans. 

"And your mother thinks it's cold out here," he muttered practically under his breath.

"It is cold."

"Nonsense! Cold, Elizabeth, is when I was your age and it was 22 below outside. I had to trudge my way through five feet of snow, holding 10 pounds of books, just to make it to school on time."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"You lived with your dad in prep school. And he lived on campus."

Jed shot her a disapproving look. "It was still a long walk, Young Lady." Lizzie suppressed further objection. "The point is, today is not cold and your mother said it was."

"Then why are you still wearing the hat?" 

He raised his hand to the black knit hat on his head. "Oh yeah. Remind me to take it off before we get home."

"Why?"

"Because..." 

"Jed!" Jed and Lizzie looked up to see one of Jed's colleagues sprinting towards them. 

"Oh God," Jed whispered softly when he realized who it was. "Alan! How are you?" The two men shook hands. "This is my daughter, Lizzie."

"Elizabeth," Lizzie corrected with a nudge to her father. "Hi."

"I see you weren't exaggerating one bit, Jed. She certainly is a vision of loveliness, even prettier than in her picture." Lizzie hung her head with a sheepish smile as Alan turned his attention to Jed. "Last minute shopping?"

"Yeah. Abbey insists we need green beans for dinner tonight. We got vegetables up the wazoo, but apparently, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without green beans."

"Daddy!" Lizzie admonished.

"But I do not argue," Jed quickly added.

"I'm in the same boat," Alan replied. "Jed, could we talk for a second?"

Jed noticed Alan's hesitance, his head nodding in a gesture for privacy. "Of course. Lizzie, you wanna wait in the car?" 

"Okay." She took the keys from her father and opened the car door.

"What's going on?" Alan was Jed's political rival on nearly every issue that came before the state legislature. This parking lot encounter was hardly a coincidence.

"You've been making some calls this week?" 

"Yes." The impromptu conversation now made sense. "I've been calling some of our colleagues."

"You've been asking them to vote against any measure to protect the farmers?" Alan stuffed his hands into his pocket and moved away from the car. Jed followed.

"Not exactly. What I'm asking is that we take into account all the men and women we're supposed to represent."

"We are."

"Are we?" Jed questioned. 

"Of course we are. We live in New Hampshire. Our economy depends on what's happening with the dairy farmers. When they profit, we all profit."

"Thanks for the business lesson." 

There wasn't a single person on the receiving end of Jed's sarcasm that didn't feel the sting. "I'm serious!"

"You're serious? I have a doctorate in economics, Alan. That's how serious I am. So don't insult me by assuming my decision was based on ignorance instead of logical analysis."

"Why are you going after the farmers?"

"I'm not going after the farmers. I'm looking out for people, people like Ron and Gwen McPherson, who live in your district by the way."

Alan shrugged at the curve ball Jed had thrown. "Who the hell are Ron and Gwen McPherson?"

There was no better example to demonstrate Jed's point. "A couple who can't afford to buy milk and cheese. A couple who, until recently, was the biggest customer at the Corner Stop."

"The Corner Stop has many regular customers." 

"It's a mom and pop shop, Alan!" Jed snapped. "It's run by a 60-year-old man and his 55-year-old wife. They need all the customers they can get to stay alive. Or did you forget that little fact when you torpedoed the small business amendment on last year's crime bill?"

Tempers were flaring on both ends. Lizzie tried to ignore the harsh tones and rising voices, but it was a futile attempt. She climbed onto her knees and watched through the rear window.

"I know very well what the owners of the Corner Stop need," Alan replied, a bit calmer now.

"They need customers. They no longer have Ron and Gwen McPherson. And if you don't think there are other families just like them..."

"You don't think that supporting a bill to keep competition from other dairy farmers out of this state will eventually trickle down to people like Ron and Gwen McPherson?"

"No, because that's revisionist politics. It never works in the short-term, but somehow, years later, some historian will rewrite it with a successful ending. The only way to help people like the McPhersons is to actually help the McPhersons."

"We can't help them or anyone else if our dairy farmers can't make ends meet." 

Jed scoffed at the notion, once again offended by the Alan's need to argue the obvious. "You know how economists study the economy, Alan? By comparing the cost of milk. And in the past ten years, it's steadily risen to an all-time high, bypassing everything else, including increases in the price of eggs and the cost of gasoline."

"The cost of eggs and gas has gone up since last year, while the price of milk has actually gone down."

"To a national average of more than a buck a gallon! Consumers have seen the biggest hike in the past decade than they ever have before - and you still want more?"

"THEY want more, Jed. The farmers. Our farmers. And they make up quite a hefty portion of the population of this state." 

"I represent more than just the farmers." Jed stepped closer to his car, resting his hand on the trunk. "You decrease New Hampshire's dairy prices, you increase the state's share of the market. You ship our goods to other states and you make up the profit."

"That's what you suggest?" Alan was visibly skeptical.

"Yeah. That's what I suggest."

"And when other states do the same to compete for our consumers? Then what? Farmers put in the same amount of work for less than half what they would be making elsewhere?" 

Jed shook his head in disbelief. Alan wasn't seeing the whole picture, the possible failure that teetered at the edge of this costly venture. "If you propose this dairy compact and it falls through the cracks, or if Vermont decides to bail at the last minute and the entire debate comes to a standstill, then you've got one hell of a problem on your hands and it's going to start with the producers in upstate New York."

The underestimation ran both ways. Alan really wasn't as ignorant as Jed assumed. "That's why it's important that we all stand together, that we don't have detractors working behind the scenes to make sure we fail." 

"That isn't what I'm doing."

"That's what it looks like." Alan closed the gap between them to avoid eavesdropping ears. "I mean it, Jed. People are talking."

"About what?"

"You. From the moment you got to the State House, it's been one thing after another. How long before we all get sick of it? You're alienating your own party and pretty soon, you'll be alienating your constituents too."

"My constituents will decide if they've been alienated. They'll do so on their own next November."

"They will decide. They will, whether you're in Hanover or in Manchester, they will."

"What?" Jed looked at him curiously. Only he and Abbey knew they were planning a move to Manchester.

"When you pick up paperwork for a district other than your own, people notice."

"Yeah, so? We thought about moving to the farm next summer."

"So when you say to other farmers that the price of milk really doesn't mean a hill of beans, you think it'll sound more convincing coming from the open fields of your million-dollar farm?"

"It's a family farm. And this isn't a political move. It's a personal one."

"Hey, if you can get them to buy it..."

"Enough, Alan." Jed held up his hands to end the discussion as he moved towards the driver's door. "Abbey's waiting."

"We're not finished with this. Jed." He walked closer to him as Jed shielded his frame behind the open door.

"We are for today. You're not going to change my mind. And before you try again, why don't you look up the McPhersons and ask them what they gave their 6-year-old son to eat for breakfast on Thanksgiving morning. Chances are, it was dry cereal."

 

TBC


	11. Phoenix

Jed furiously peeled out of his parking space and drove away without a second glance. Lizzie sat in the passenger's seat, quizzically examining her father's expression every few minutes. Part of her was worried about him after the heated debate she had just witnessed. His face was colored a rosy hue and she knew it wasn't just from the cold. The redness was the evidence of Jed's anger, of his temper simmering just beneath the surface, ready to erupt at any moment. 

Still, there was another part of her that was preoccupied with something else, something much more selfish. Alan had mentioned a move to the farm and Jed pretty much confirmed it. She tried to put it out of her mind, to disregard it until another time. She wanted desperately to suppress her feelings in favor of her father's, but it was nearly impossible. Her mind raced with questions. On impulse, she began a conversation neither of them was ready to have.

"Daddy?"

"What?"

"Are we really moving to the farm next year?" Her curiosity piqued when he didn't answer right away. He looked at her silently, then turned his eyes back to the road.

"Yeah. We are." He said it almost like a confession of some sort. Jed hadn't meant for her to find out this way. He and Abbey had planned to break the news together.

"Why?"

"Because that's what we decided to do." 

"No we didn't. I didn't." Lizzie was soft-spoken and subdued, a far cry from what Jed expected. There wasn't even a hint of rebellion, just plain sadness.

"Your mother and I did."

"You didn't even ask me." Her opinion may not have affected the outcome, but the sting of not being asked did hurt her feelings. 

"You love the farm," Jed reminded her.

"I love to visit it," Lizzie countered quickly. "But my friends are all in Hanover."

"You'll make new friends." His dismissive attitude annoyed her. Suddenly, she was the one having trouble taming that notorious Bartlet temper.

"I don't want new friends! I like the friends I have now!"

"Liz, I don't want to get into this with you right now."

"Fine!" She turned on the radio and shifted her body with an audible sigh as she looked out her window. 

A wave of remorse crashed over Jed. He should have been the one to tell her. He should have been the one to ease her concerns over leaving her friends. Instead, she learned of a major family decision from a person who wasn't even a member of the family. A mere outsider who used a private situation to goad her father into surrendering a political fight. 

He understood his daughter's anger. He couldn't really blame her. "Look, it was something we've been talking about since last summer. We were waiting to tell you and Ellie. I'm sorry you found out about it the way you did."

Lizzie didn't make a sound. Not a single peep. Her indignation ran deeper than just the physical move. The girl who always felt she had a say in decisions that affected her, now found she was a voiceless participant. And with that realization, a seed of resentment flourished in her heart. 

By the time they arrived home, both had lost the festive spring in their step. Lizzie stomped in first, just barely closing the front door behind her. She collapsed on a chair in the kitchen, her arms folded in front of her the way they always were during one of her infamous pouting sessions.

"What happened?" Abbey asked.

"Nothing."

"Did you and Daddy have a fight?"

Lizzie shrugged. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay." She knew better than to push Liz when she could easily pry the information out of Jed. "Why don't you go change. Your Aunt Kate called to say she's bringing Max over early."

"Ellie can play with Max. I just wanna sit here."

Jed barged in with a steady stride, his expression really no different from Lizzie's. He removed the cans of green beans and crumpled the paper bag in his fist. 

Abbey watched his movements, the way he slammed the cans onto the countertop then threw the balled-up bag into the trash, not even flinching when he missed the rim by several inches. "What's wrong?" He didn't answer. She eyed the cans then looked up at him. "No shampoo?"

"I forgot," he replied, clearly irritated.

"That's okay. I'll pick some up in the morning." She walked around to his other side. "You wanna tell me what happened between you and Lizzie?"

Jed thought about it a moment. Abbey deserved to know what was going on, but filling her in right now would only upset him more. He rested his hands on the counter and heaved his frame forward. "Not really."

"Jed, what's going on?"

"There was a jerk at the grocery store," Lizzie blurted out. "He was mean and he yelled at Daddy!"

"That 'jerk' is a state representative, so lets refer to him with a little respect, okay?" He had to admit he was touched that the first words out of her mouth were in defense of him.

"Who was it?"

Jed lowered his head, brushing the lint off the sleeves of his jacket and slipping it off his shoulders. "Alan Gagne. He's upset about the dairy farmers."

"So he confronted you while you were shopping with your daughter on Thanksgiving?" 

"He's pissed, Abbey. It's not like it was completely unexpected." 

"He threatened Daddy! He said that people wouldn't vote for him anymore!" Lizzie seemed more outraged than Jed.

"Jed?"

Jed took a few steps out of the kitchen and hurled his jacket onto the back of a chair. "I really don't want to talk about this right now." 

"Then lets talk about how I don't wanna move to the farm!" 

As if struck by a bolt of lightening, Abbey whirled herself around to face Liz. "What?"

"Alan spilled the beans," Jed told her, returning to his spot behind the counter.

"How did Alan know?"

Lizzie sprang to her feet and approached her mother with renewed energy. "I don't wanna go!" It wasn't really a whine. More like a plea. A strong, genuine plea. 

"Lizzie..."

"I don't wanna go! Can't we talk about it? Please?" She looked straight into Abbey's eyes with the heartfelt appeal.

"Of course we can. But we're going to have a house full of guests soon. Right now isn't the best time."

"Then when?"

"Tomorrow." 

"And you'll change your mind when we do?" Liz was always great at making huge logical leaps in an effort to get what she wanted.

"No. I said we'll talk about it. That's all."

It was yet another blow to her fragile feelings. "What does that mean?"

"It means that we'll listen to you complain, then we'll do what we decided to do in the first place!" Jed's frustration was growing as his mood soured by the minute.

"That's not fair!"

"I swear to God, Elizabeth, I am so sick of hearing that word come out of your mouth! There are all kinds of things that aren't fair! Life is NOT fair! If you want to see something that's truly not fair, ask your friend Sara how her father is paying the rent this month!"

"Jed." Abbey placed a hand on his shoulder from behind, but Jed ignored the gentle reminder for a few calming breaths before the argument escalated even more. 

"When I think of all the things in this world that aren't fair, the last thing that comes to mind is you being forced to move a half hour away to live on a multi acre farm where you'll have a year-round, heated swimming pool, a horse to ride whenever you want, a spacious backyard, and three bedrooms to call your own!"

Lizzie stared up at him through her misty blue eyes. Her brows were creased and her lips were trembling slightly as she fought back the tears. Jed rarely yelled. When he did, it always left her speechless. 

"Mommy!" Ellie called from the master bedroom.

"Thank you. You managed to wake Ellie." Abbey untied her apron, threw it on the counter, and left the room.

Jed stared at Lizzie who stood directly in front of him. He hated losing his temper around her, especially when the crux of his wrath should have been directed at someone else. He shuffled his feet, quietly chuckling when she did the same. His lips quivered a couple of times, but he stumbled over his words before they even left his mouth. 

He needed to resolve this with her. Only a truce would avoid a holiday disaster. "I'm sorry I yelled. Of course we can talk about the move and I promise I'll listen to what you have to say." 

"But it won't change anything."

"We'll work it out, Lizzie. We'll work something out, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"Just for today, can we pretend everything's okay, that you're not mad at me, that you're not upset, that I'm not upset, that we're both just happy to be celebrating Thanksgiving together?"

"Yeah," she assured him with a smile. He tossed her a grape lollipop from the pantry just to be sure. She caught it with a giggle. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome." Jed's attention wandered to a drawer just below him. He quickly rummaged through it and stuffed a matchbook into his sweatshirt pocket. "Tell Mom I went for a walk?"

He wasn't a stupid man. He knew Abbey wouldn't believe that he simply needed some air. He realized she would probably come after him. He counted on it, in fact. He stood right outside the house to make it as easy as possible. 

Just as he suspected, it only took a few minutes to hear the door open and Abbey's delicate footsteps approaching. "Jed?" She was holding his coat in her hands, holding it wide open to wrap it around him from behind.

"Thanks." She strolled to the other side and reached for the cigarette nestled between his lips. He grabbed her fingers before she could pull it out. "Stop it."

Abbey pulled back. It was obvious that he was serious. Truthfully, she wasn't even surprised. "So you're just going to stand out here in the cold?"

"Yes, I am." Jed took a puff then held it up between them. "And in the interest of honesty, this isn't my first cigarette."

"Today?"

"No, it's my first today. It's just not my first since we made that bet two months ago." He put it back in his mouth, inhaling even longer this time.

"I know."

Her response didn't register right away. He expected some level of shock, maybe even anger. "Aside from that first week, I've been smoking every day at work."

"I know," she repeated as she noticed his glare out of the corner of her eye. "So when are you going to stop trying to pick a fight with everyone who crosses your path?"

"I wasn't trying to pick a fight with you. I figured you'd find out I'm smoking sooner or later. Apparently, you already knew."

"I know everything that goes on with you." She leaned in towards him, her hands crossing his chest and resting under his coat. "Most of the time, it's because you tell me."

He put his hand over hers to pull it away and lace their fingers. He dropped the cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under his foot. "Alan's coming after me. I don't think I have enough people on my side."

She followed him towards the porch where he pulled out a patio chair for her. "Alan's always been after you. You manage to fight him off each and every time."

"This time I'm not so sure." Jed sat down next to her, his elbows braced on his legs as he leaned forward.

"Why?" Abbey couldn't understand the despair in his voice, until she remembered the ugly game of politics. "What will he want?"

"My concession on the Crimes Against Women bill." Alan had fought hard against the introduction of that bill. Now that Jed had pledged his support, it was sure to be a source of contention.

"He knows you promised Dan that you'd help with it?"

"Yeah. And he knows what happened to you over the summer. He knows that right now, that bill is my weakness." Political blackmail born from personal tragedy always enraged him.

"Did he mention it?"

"He didn't have to. I know Alan Gagne well, Abbey. Too well. That's where my vulnerability lies. That's what he'll go after. And if I don't give up the fight, he'll fight me on every farm initiative that comes up."

Abbey caressed his leg tenderly. It was an affectionate touch, exploding with unwavering loyalty. She had to let him off the hook. "You have to do what you have to do. If that means sacrificing the C.A.W., then so be it." 

"No. It's too important."

"Jed, you're one hell of a husband, but you're also a politician. You have to prioritize, Honey. This bill can wait for a few months. Introduce it at the end of the session or at the beginning of the next one. But this farm proposal will raise prices on dairy. It requires immediate action from people like you, people who care about all the people of this state, not just the farmers. The ones who can't afford milk in the morning need your help now."

"Alan is playing dirty."

"Politics is always dirty, especially when you're not the one on top."

"One of these days, I'd like to be the one on top. I'd like to leave the State House just once, feeling like I've accomplished something, like I made a difference in someone's life, that it wasn't just a wasted effort that died in the bowels of political jargon and one-upmanship."

"You do make a difference. Every single day, you make a difference in this state, in the kids that you teach, in the way that you legislate. I've never known anyone who's as determined and focused as you are to make a difference."

Encouraging words were a dime a dozen. He could hear them from anyone, but somehow, hearing them from Abbey was always different. It was special. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. And if you ever doubt that, just look into the eyes of your daughters. Every single day, you make a difference in my life, and the lives of our children." She lightly patted her belly. "All our children." His hand joined hers on top of the protruding mound. "This thing with Alan will pass."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then you fight for what you need to and let everything else rest on the backburner. For now." 

"You think that's the smart thing to do?"

"I think that's your only choice." Since the start of his political career, Abbey had been Jed's most trusted advisor. She didn't have a background in politics, but the things she knew could never be taught to anyone else. She knew him. His heart. His soul. She knew what made him sad, what made him happy, what made him tick, and what made him smile. She knew his struggles and his weak spots, his energy and his strength. She knew Jed like no one else ever would. 

"Maybe you're right," he admitted softly.

"Don't make any decisions right now. Ride this one out. See what happens."

Jed scooted to the edge of his chair to steal a kiss. He felt her shiver slightly when his warm hands touched her cold face. "You're freezing. We should go in." He stood up and lifted her to her feet.

"Thanks."

"You really knew I had been smoking this whole time?"

"I told you. I know everything about you." 

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because you were down to two cigarettes a day - three on Fridays to get you through the weekend, which is why you're a bit cranky on Sundays and extraordinarily jubilant on Mondays." 

He couldn't believe it. She hit the nail on the head. "And you kept this all to yourself because..."

"Last year at this time, you were smoking nearly a pack a day. Now it's two or three cigarettes. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to push my luck." Bet be damned, the only thing that mattered to Abbey was that he was trying to quit. 

"Were you ever going to tell me you knew?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I like staying one step ahead of you." She shrugged flirtatiously. "And don't think I don't know that you left your hat in the car."

"What hat?"

"The hat you snuck out of here when you and Lizzie left for the store."

She was right. She knew everything that went on with him. Jed laughed. "Yeah, yeah."

"Come on." She pulled him towards the front door. "You promised Ellie you'd tell her about the plight of the pilgrims."

"How did you know I'm down to two cigarettes a day?"

Abbey greeted him with a loving grin, a smile that let him know exactly what her methodical mind had done. She had been dipping into his briefcase and counting his cigarettes every night after he went to bed. Ordinarily, he would have faulted her for that, possibly even responded in anger. But at that moment, he wasn't upset. Far from it. He cherished the little reminders of Abbey's love and deep concern. 

"You're like a little stalker, you know that?"

She rubbed her bulging tummy. "Not so little right now."

"Thank you," he whispered into her ear as she stood on the stoop outside the door.

"For what?"

"For knowing when to keep your mouth shut and when to kick my ass." 

She turned towards him with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Lets just wait until the baby's born and see how much you'll be thanking me then."

"Why?"

"You lost our bet, Babe. I may have let you slide on the smokes, but I'll be damned if you won't be my personal love slave for two weeks."

"Do we have to wait til the baby's born?" She squealed when he squeezed her rear as they walked inside. 

 

TBC


	12. Phoenix

"Jed." 

Abbey moaned his name in a whisper barely loud enough for him to hear. That seductive, breathy voice always enticed Jed, motivating him to push himself to the limit, surpass expectations, and bring her to the height of sexual ecstasy. 

He moved faster, his lower body rubbing against hers as he braced himself on his hands to avoid putting too much pressure on her pregnant tummy. His mouth was pressed against her neck. His warm kisses erupted in a sensuous tingle that manipulated her body into a virtually limp cauldron of passion, ready to burst at any moment.

He lifted himself slightly for the best possible position, then gently eased himself down, grazing her center with a firm push as his fingers explored the folds of skin that usually made her squirm.

"Not there, Jed."

"What?" It took all the willpower he had to slow down. "Where?" 

"No, not like that." Sex didn't always come in flawless, romantic motions. Sometimes, their lovemaking was downright clumsy. But that was also part of its charm.

"You like that. Or at least, you used to." 

"Not tonight," she grumbled as she pushed up on his chest. "Can we stop?"

His nether regions still on fire, Jed controlled the throbbing ache as he fell to his side and turned on the lamp. "What's the matter?"

"I'm just not comfortable." 

He let out an exasperated sigh. They had gone through dry spells before, times when intimacy just wasn't on the agenda thanks to conflicting work schedules or pure exhaustion, but the past several weeks, he had become genuinely confused about her hesitance to make love. "Abbey, you said you wanted the lights off so I turned the lights off. What's the problem?"

"It doesn't feel right."

"What doesn't? It's not like it's our first time doing this."

"No. I mean, it doesn't FEEL right. It doesn't feel good."

"Did I hurt you?" His face paled at the thought, mortified that he might have inflicted any pain on her most sensitive areas. He quickly sat up on his knees and threw her a piercing glance as he waited for her reply.

"No, no." Abbey took his hands to assure him it was nothing he had done. "It's just that it doesn't feel like it should."

Relieved yet still puzzled, Jed rested his back against the headboard. "Well, what does it feel like?" 

"I don't know. Uncomfortable. Unfamiliar." 

Unfamiliar? She had never said that when it came to this aspect of their life. Even their first time, there was a sense of comfort between them. "Is it because of the baby?" 

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"This never happened when you were pregnant with Ellie and Liz. Maybe it's something we need to tell the doctor?"

"I'll bring it up at the next appointment." She inched herself closer to him. "But tonight, will you just hold me?"

"Of course." Jed wrapped his arm around her to pull her to his chest, dropping a delicate kiss onto the top of her head. "I don't have to have sex with you to feel close to you." Though the sex certainly did make it easier.

Abbey buried herself further into his arms. "You know what haven't done yet?"

"What?"

"Talk about baby names."

Moments ago, he was wobbling towards the bring of sexual satisfaction. Nothing else sounded remotely comparable at this point. "Because that's roughly the same thing." 

"Jed, I'm serious. This is the first gift we'll be giving our child. I want it to be something that projects a sense of strength and intelligence." 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm thinking something like Michael or Richard. What do you think?" She was still under the mistaken impression that she was carrying a baby boy.

"Victoria. Or Elena maybe."

Abbey laughed. "Only if you want the other kids making fun of him." 

"Ah. But I know something you don't know." She untucked her head from under his chin. "It's a girl," he mumbled. 

"Okay, if we're going to do this, if we're going to sit here and go over names, then we have to be honest. Which means you can stop with the games. I already know."

"Know what?"

Abbey leaned back with a serious glare. "Jed, I saw the monitor at the doctor's office that day. I snuck a peek. I know we're having a little boy."

She wasn't just teasing now. She was really convinced they were having a son. And even worse, she was thrilled they were having a son. He had to set her straight before her hopes were dashed, melting into disappointment at the thought of another girl.

"No, we're really not," he insisted, a domineering expression marring the gleeful smile that was there just seconds earlier. "Abbey..." He held her shoulders steadily in his hands. "Honey, we're having a little girl. Really."

"Stop it. We're having a boy. I saw the pictures."

Jed framed her face with his palms, forcing her to look him in the eye. "I'm telling you the truth. No playing around. I don't know what you saw on that monitor, but Dr. Gibson told me you're carrying our daughter."

Abbey sat motionless. Could she have really been wrong? It was such a quick look. A flash of the black and white blob across the screen was embedded in her mind, but she had to wonder if it could have been a mistake.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." Abbey looked away and nodded. "Honey, that's okay. I mean, you want another little girl..." He stopped, hoping she'd volunteer her answer. She didn't. "...don't you?"

"Yeah. I do." She snuggled back into him and laid her cheek against his chest. Of course she wanted another little girl, but believing she was having a boy had given her a completely different view on motherhood.

She looked forward to the difference in raising a Bartlet son. She envisioned him as a handsome young man with brown hair and sapphire eyes, an endearing reflection of his father. Instead of slumber parties and marathon shopping sprees, she could clearly visualize lazy Sunday afternoons, Jed and little Michael or Ricky playing football as she sat on the stoop watching while sipping a mug of hot chocolate. 

She imagined what he'd be like as a teenager, athletic and smart with a whole new set of challenges, completely independent of the ones they'd face with Lizzie and Ellie. Just the thought of delivering bouncing baby boy, a son to carry on the Bartlet name, brought a warm smile to her face.

"Are you sure?" Jed asked.

"Of course. You just caught me off-guard. That's all." She loved the idea of raising a son. But she'd have to get use to the idea of raising another daughter. It was an easy task, she told herself. Boy or girl, the baby swimming inside her had already pulled on her heart. Once the initial surprise wore off, she had no doubt raw, unadulterated joy would follow.

"Okay," he replied, knowing deep-down what she was thinking. It would take a few weeks to adjust to the idea, but he had faith that she would adore this little girl just as much as their others.

Her fingers danced across his chest in little circles, the tips of her nails freely scratching his skin. "You know what we should do?" She reached away from him to grab the Lamaze book she had been reading just before he came to bed. 

"Oh God." Jed wasn't yet sold on the wonder of Lamaze. Their first two classes had gone well and he had to admit the Lamaze method emphasized the vital partnership between husband and wife during the painstaking hours of labor, but he wondered how realistic and useful the technique actually was.

He was not naive when it came to labor. He had been there with Abbey during the crucial moments just before Lizzie and Ellie were born. He rubbed her forehead with a damp cloth and allowed her to squeeze his hand with every twinge of discomfort. She screamed at the pain. Her muscles tensed up and she twisted her limbs around the sheets in an effort to regain control.

Now, Abbey was being taught to recondition herself. Instead of letting out the gut-wrenching shrieks she was use to, she would embrace a rhythmic breathing pattern while he timed her contractions and coached her to work with her body's own mechanisms to deliver the baby. Theoretically, it would make the process bearable. But Jed was skeptical. 

"We have to choose my position." 

His forehead crinkled as he repeated the words to himself then pressed his body into hers to lower her down to her pillow. "I'll choose your position. That sounds kinky."

"Birthing position, Jed," Abbey amended as she lifted herself back up, forcing him to rise along with her. She propped open her book with a shake of her head. "There is seriously something wrong with you."

"Yeah, okay," he reluctantly agreed. "Birthing positions. What are our choices?" 

"I could stand to let gravity move things along. I could sit, which causes the uterus to drop forward. I could kneel on a pillow." She continued to read as Jed maneuvered his way behind her and sat with his legs circling her rear.

"Yeah?" He poked around her shoulder to follow along.

"I could lay on my side or squat." Abbey looked up as she thought about that. "I don't know how comfortable that would be." She twisted her head towards him as he rested his chin on her shoulder. 

"Doesn't sound too comfortable, no."

"I could get down on my hands and knees."

Jed's head sprang up with renewed vigor. "To have a baby?"

"Yeah. It's supposed to ease back labor." He nibbled lightly on her ear. She could never resist his hot breath against her cool skin. She leaned back into him as the book fell onto her lap.

"You know, Abbey, there are other ways..."

"Other positions?" Her hands reached behind her to touch the light stubble on his face.

"No. Other ways to..."

"Your mind never left the gutter, did it?"

"My mind never leaves the gutter when I'm alone with you." He scooped his fingers under her dark auburn locks to lift them from her back, his warm lips replacing the feel of the wavy strands. "So?"

"I don't know how it'll feel."

"That's my point. I don't have to be inside you to make you feel good." She pulled herself forward to let him slip out from behind her. He yanked on her ankles to pull her down the bed so he could settle between her thighs. "Come here, my little rolly poly." 

Abbey defiantly kicked her feet out of his grasp. "Jed!" 

"I was kidding. It was a joke!"

"THIS is why I insist we have the lights off."

"Abbey, believe me when I tell you you've never looked more beautiful than you do right now." He tenderly stroked her cheek. "It was a joke - a bad one. I'm an insensitive jerk."

She began to soften against his touch, but as she strained to turn down the light, she heard the familiar click of their bedroom door opening. Jed hurriedly dropped a sheet over her naked form, sheltering his own with the corner end.

"Mommy?" Ellie's voice was just above a whisper, so soft and unsure as she called out for her mother. 

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I can't sleep." 

Jed held out his hand to invite her up on the bed. "Did you have a bad dream, Princess?" 

Ellie shook her head against the stuffed bunny she held tightly in her arms as she accepted her father's offer. "No, but I can't sleep."

"Are you thinking about something?"

The five-year-old stalled for a minute, then shook her head again, this time a lot less convincingly. She did have a lot on her mind. Between the excitement of the upcoming Christmas holiday and the anticipation of the Christmas pageant at school, her thoughts revolved around the birth of her new brother or sister.

"What's going on, Goldilocks?" Abbey tucked a springy curl behind Ellie's ear.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I can't sleep."

Jed handed Abbey her blue satin robe from the foot of the bed. She hastily threw it on before sliding out from under the sheet. "Lets go make some warm milk," she suggested as she took Ellie's hand and led her out of the room.

"Okay!" In the Bartlet house, warm milk was always the cure for sleepless nights, and for Ellie, it was a treat. It would soothe her nervous system, instantly taking away the butterflies.

Abbey raised her up to sit on one of the leather stools next to the kitchen counter, then reached above her to retrieve the small milk pan. She splashed the pan with a cup of milk and mixed in a bit of vanilla extract and nutmeg. 

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"For Christmas, can I buy Lizzie a bra?"

Abbey turned from the pan and stared at her daughter. "A bra?"

"Uh huh. She wants one. Amy got one for her birthday and now Lizzie keeps looking in the mirror and holding out her shirt." She grabbed the top of her pajamas and pulled them out to two points on either side of her chest. "Like this."

Abbey couldn't help but chuckle. "Does she know you're watching when she does that?" 

"No. Please don't tell her!"

"It'll be our secret," Abbey assured her with a wink. "But you know, I think Lizzie might want to be there to pick out the kind of bra she wants. So instead of you buying that for her for Christmas, how about I take you both shopping after school tomorrow and we get it for her then?"

"But what will I get her for Christmas?"

"I've already thought of that." She picked up the magazine sitting on the edge of the counter and flipped to a marked page. "How about that?"

Ellie's eyes grew to twice their normal size as she glanced at the beautiful gold pendant. "It's so pretty!" She creased her brows in confusion the same way Jed always did. "What's it say?"

"Well, sound it out. You've seen that word before."

"It's the number one. And then under it, it says ssss..."

"Go ahead." Abbey encouraged her as she poured the milk into a mug. 

"Sssiiiisss...tttt...eerr" She stopped briefly. "Sister!" 

"That's it! You got it!"

"I never read that word before." And she was obviously very proud of herself. Not as proud as Abbey was of her, but proud nonetheless.

"You know, you're getting so good at sounding out all these words, I think you and I should start reading bedtime stories together." 

"But what if I don't know a word?" Ellie asked, taking the mug from her mother.

"Then I'll help you. And we won't stop until you can read every word of every book on your shelf."

The idea charmed Ellie. A goal had been set and she and her mother were forming an alliance to achieve it. In her young mind, this was the confirmation she had been searching for, the proof that even after the baby comes, her relationship with Abbey wouldn't change. She sat up straight, her gratitude apparent as she took a sip of her drink.

When she was finished, Abbey tucked her into bed and gave her the usual goodnight kiss before turning out the lights. She finagled her palm under her cheek and curled her body into a ball as she began the journey into dreamland.

Out in the hall, Abbey stood outside the master bedroom, bewildered by the fact that the door was locked. "Jed?"

"Abbey?" Jed called from inside.

"What's going on?"

"Are you alone?"

"Yes."

He unlocked it, but stood behind the frame as she entered, giving her an unobstructed view of the plastic miniature Christmas tree he had set on the dresser. Tiny, slender ornaments dangled from it as microscopic lights were carefully hidden in its green depths, illuminating the room with every colorful blink. As she approached it, Jed coiled his arms around her waist from behind, hindering her motion when she tried to sink into him. 

"Ho, ho, ho."

"What the..." She spun around. Her eye followed the line from his black leather boots to the red plush pants, the red pullover coat with white trim, and the big black belt that covered his bulging midsection. He was beardless and hatless, but he was definitely dressed as Santa Claus.

"Just trying to get you in the mood." For Abbey, a reminder of Christmas was the best aphrodisiac. Jed liked to believe it was because the very first time they made love was under a Christmas tree, but truthfully, even as a teenager, the holiday held a romantic spot in her heart.

"Christmas is three weeks away." She held him in her arms and massaged a subtle path down his back, slipping a finger into his belt. Their two bellies collided, making it harder for their bodies to fall into a conventional embrace.

"Yeah, well, I picked this up at the costume shop around the corner last week, just in case."

"In case of what?"

He wiggled his rear to jiggle his belly. "In case I needed to remind you that a big belly isn't a bad thing." Abbey laughed as he, quite literally, shook like a bowl full of jelly. "No one can feel bad with Santa in the room, even with the lights on." 

He put one hand on her stomach, another on his own until she smiled. She stood on the tips of her toes to lock her lips with his. So lost in his protective hold, she was thoroughly oblivious to the innocent pair of eyes watching them. Ellie's mouth hung wide open. The emotional jolt of what she was seeing had grounded her speechlessly to one spot.

"Ellie!" Abbey shouted, her hands pulling Jed's head into her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"I...wanted to...to say good night...to Daddy." She spoke softly, stuttering with every word.

Jed took a deep breath, then turned to face her, his cheeks red from embarrassment. "Hi, Sweetheart." Ellie took a step backwards as if traumatized by the sight. "There's a reason why I'm dressed like this."

"That's right," Abbey added. "Daddy was just trying to trick me."

"Why?"

"Because he's like that. He's always playing tricks on people."

"But...how did he get Santa's clothes?"

Abbey looked to Jed to answer that one. "You know how you dressed up as Miss Piggy for Halloween?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I went to that same store and I bought a Santa costume."

"But you don't go trick-or-treating." Ellie could counter nearly any argument.

"Well, that's because I was saving it for next year."

"How come?"

"Because he wanted to surprise you and Lizzie," Abbey interjected. "He's going to walk around the neighborhood with you next year."

"So next year, you're going to be Santa Claus for Halloween?"

He didn't have to see her to know that Abbey was donning a sly grin. This would be a Kodak moment. "Yes. Next Halloween, I will take you and Lizzie trick-or-treating and I will be Santa Claus."

"YAY!" Oh the images that conjured up. Ellie wasn't the only one excited to see it. Abbey could hardly wait to break out the camera!

"Okay, Tinkerbell, it's time for bed. For real this time." Abbey turned her around by her shoulders and directed her out of the room. 

"What if I can't sleep again?" 

"Then you try harder."

Ellie ran into her bedroom and leapt onto the mattress. "Will you read me another story?"

"No, Ma'am." Abbey put an index finger to her forehead to gently push her down. "I've already read you three tonight. It's time for bed."

"Okay." She agreed sadly, hugging Mimi the bunny even tighter against her chubby little cheeks.

"Hey, Ellie, do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Don't tell your friends at school about Daddy dressing up as Santa tonight, okay? Or even Lizzie." Liz was teetering at the edge of believer status. One more push and Abbey was certain she'd lose faith in Santa completely.

"Why?"

"Because they might not understand. They might think it's silly for Daddy to pretend to be Santa."

"But they'll all see him on Halloween."

"We'll deal with that then. For now, don't say anything. Just keep it our little secret."

"Okay!" The second secret of the night. Ellie was thrilled.

"Thanks." Abbey brushed away a few bangs that had fallen over her forehead.

"I'm good at keeping secrets," Ellie continued. "You can even ask Mr. Chappelle."

"What do you mean, Sweetie?" Abbey had nearly forgotten that Mr. Chappelle was her teacher's assistant. Up until now, Ellie had never mentioned him.

"He says I'm good at keeping secrets too."

Abbey furrowed her brows as she tugged on the hem of the blanket to cover her daughter. "Did Mr. Chappelle tell you a secret?"

"Uh huh."

"You wanna tell Mommy about it?" 

"Uh uh." Ellie vehemently shook her head. "He said I can't."

"Why?"

"I dunno. He just said I can't tell, that it has to be a secret."

"I'm sure he didn't mean you can't tell me."

"Yes, he did!" Ellie argued, excitedly sitting back up. "He said I can't tell Mommy or Daddy."

Abbey's head was turned to the side, her eyes inquisitively transfixed on Ellie. "You know how I feel about you keeping secrets from me."

"But he said it would be okay! He said it's okay not to tell you! He told me I shouldn't tell you, that's it's OUR secret!" She spoke fast as she stressed the importance of keeping her promise. Just the implication that she break her word sent her into a sensitive tailspin of frustration.

"Where was Mrs. King when he said that?"

Ellie shrugged. "She's been sick."

Abbey helped her lie back down. "So Mr. Chappelle has been teaching you?" 

"Uh huh."

Perhaps she was overreacting, Abbey reasoned. Ellie had a curious mind and a wonderfully complex imagination. "Is Mr. Chappelle a nice teacher?"

"Uh huh! He says I'm special!"

Several minutes passed as Abbey tried to fight off the queasy feeling that violated her. She didn't want to push her daughter, but she had to know. "What's the secret?"

"I can't tell you!" Ellie's irritation was growing just as quickly as Abbey's suspicion. "I can't! I really, REALLY can't!"

"Ellie, I just want to know. Don't you like sharing secrets?"

"I can't TELL you! Mr. Chappelle will get mad!"

"No he won't, Sweetheart." Ellie's aqua orbs shined with unshed tears from her mother's prodding as Abbey rubbed her arm supportively. "He won't be mad at you. I promise he won't be mad at you."

"Yes, he will!" Ellie exclaimed. "He told me not to! Please don't make me tell you!" 

Her stomach twisted in knots, a wave of nausea hit Abbey with such urgency that she bolted up to her feet. The vile taste of adrenaline invaded her mouth at the possibility that her daughter had been manipulated into a sinister game, a game she was ordered to keep private. Her labored breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard as she forced herself to relax, for Ellie's sake.

Ellie had never been so upset. Her features were grim and her lips were pouty. Abbey sat back down and put her hands under the little girl's arms so she could lift her up into a hug. "Okay. I won't make you tell me if you really don't want to." 

It was the only thing that could calm a flustered Ellie. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, Princess. I would never be mad at you." Abbey loosened her hold and pulled away enough to see Ellie's face. "But if you change your mind, you can tell me anything. You know that, don't you?"

"I won't change my mind." 

"But you might. And I just want you to know that I'll never, ever be mad at you if you decide you want to tell me all about Mr. Chappelle."

Still upset, Ellie shook her head. "It's a SECRET!"

 

TBC


	13. Phoenix

Ellie gazed up at her mother through twinkling blue-green eyes filled with so much emotion that salty tears overflowed her lashes and began to trickle down her rosy cheeks. She laid back against her pillow. Her short arms were folded in front of her, wrinkling her hot pink pajama top and covering the light pink embroidery across the chest. 

Abbey's upper lip curved into her lower one. She didn't move. She couldn't move. She simply locked eyes with her young daughter as she wondered how to pry this secret from her pouty red lips. Ellie never looked so fragile to her. Barely sitting up in her white four-poster bed, the large sky blue walls surrounding it, she seemed so sweet and vulnerable, like a baby completely dependent on her mother to make everything right. 

With some help from Ellie, who wiped her face with the back of her hand, Abbey took a tissue to the little girl's eyes, erasing every tear-stained track that marked her peaches-and-cream complexion.

"I'm sorry," she whispered softly as she leaned across Ellie's petite frame and scooped her up into a hug.

"What for?" 

"For making you cry."

Ellie shrugged. "You won't make me tell?"

Abbey pulled herself away to tuck her daughter back under the covers. "No, Sweetheart, not if you don't want to."

"Good!" A smile finally broke through her sad exterior as she fell back against her pillow.

"Go to sleep," Abbey muttered in a compassionate, loving tone.

She stroked her forehead for several minutes as Ellie squirmed to curl up with her stuffed bunny and drift into a restful slumber. Abbey watched her so carefully, it reminded her of the nightly checks she made when Ellie was a newborn wiggling around in her crib for comfort. Any stray thoughts lingering in her mind were forced out, replaced by an engaging game of second-guesses.

Abbey retraced every move her daughter made since the beginning of the school year. Was there some sign, some clue to let her in on the secret Ellie was keeping? Had the kindergartner misinterpreted a benign little whisper from her teacher? Or was it something else?

Ellie had been clinging to her mother for months. The whole family assumed it was because of the baby growing in Abbey's tummy, but as she moved from Ellie's bed to the blue and white rocking chair in the corner, Abbey wondered if it was something more. Was her daughter reaching out to her, pleading for her attention, maybe even her help, all these months?

She rocked for close to a half hour, never looking away from Ellie's sleeping form. Each memory of the past four months hit her with a jolt, every one more vivid than the last, every flashback embroiled in a penetrating hunt for answers. 

She was eventually relieved of the damaging, mind-boggling analysis by the sound of the door creaking as Jed opened it. He had changed from his Santa suit, now dressed in a Notre Dame sweatshirt and a pair of modest boxers. "Hey."

"Hey." Abbey gave him a quick glance of recognition, then looked back at their daughter.

"What are you still doing in here?"

"We have to talk." Her words were barely coherent, laced with a faint, discouraging tone.

Jed took her hand to lift her to her feet, then followed her out into the hall. The same chilly undercurrent that he heard in her voice was now dominating her body language. "Abbey, what's going on?" 

"He got to her."

"Who?" For a second, he thought that she was in shock. Not the kind of shock that comes from a surprise, but a physical kind of shock. The kind that happens when the body shuts down due to lack of blood circulation. Her face paled by the second. Her eyes were glazed and somewhat despondent. Her usually straight shoulders rounded themselves as she slouched forward. A sign of defeat, he supposed, or maybe even fear. 

"He did. Her teacher." She turned suddenly and headed towards the master bedroom, Jed trailing right behind.

"Abbey, what are you talking about?"

"He got to her!" she shouted as she summoned the adrenaline running rampant through her body to slam the door shut. "Her teacher! She's keeping some kind of secret."

"What secret? What in God's name is going on?"

"Ellie said that Mr. Chappelle shared a secret with her and she won't tell me what it is."

"Why?"

"She says that he'll get mad at her if she does."

Jed finally understood. He raised his head with a subtle nod, his own suspicions now matching Abbey's. "Maybe it's something he told her?"

Abbey paused for a long moment before finally answering with words shadowed by obvious distress. "I don't know."

He didn't have to ask. One look at the confusion that plagued his wife's face answered all his questions. She had built herself into a frenzied jumble of nerves, teetering at the brink of climax. He had to talk her down from the damning thoughts. "You know, it's probably nothing."

"Yeah." 

"Abbey..." She wasn't buying his nonchalant attitude, but he continued anyway. "I know what you're thinking." He covered her wobbly hands with his, rubbing her skin as he held them up. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't assume you know what's going on. You know how kids are. They misunderstand the tiniest little things" 

"Not Ellie!" Abbey pulled out of his hold. "You should have seen her tonight, Jed. She's terrified that her teacher will be angry at her if she tells me." She took a sharp breath as she prepared herself to say it out loud. "What if there's something going on? What if he..."

"Stop it!" He couldn't bare to hear the words. Just the notion of someone - anyone - hurting his baby girl was a crushing blow to his paternal psyche.

"Jed."

"Abbey, stop it. If this was something awful, we would know. She'd be acting differently." Denial came more naturally than an inkling of suspicion. 

"She is acting differently! She use to tell me everything, Jed. Now, all of a sudden, she has something she can't tell me." Her panic was slowly melting into anger towards the man who, at the very least, told her daughter it was okay to keep secrets from her parents. 

"Kids change. They don't always want to open up." He was grasping at straws now, partly to convince her, partly to convince himself. 

"Fine. If that isn't enough, how about the fact that she's been attached to my hip since the first day of school?"

"And that also happens to the be the day we told her about the baby." Jed eased his hands down on her shoulders, soothing the tense muscles with a gentle massage. "Honey, I'm not saying that you have no reason to be concerned. I'm saying lets not jump to conclusions before we know anything for sure."

"I don't want her going to school tomorrow. Or Lizzie. Not until we know what's going on."

"Okay, we'll keep them home tomorrow and I'll have a talk with Ellie's teacher."

Jed's powerful resolve calmed her. So strong and protective, Abbey had no doubt he really would take care of it. But he wouldn't do it alone. Asking her not to be part of the discussion he would have with Mr. Chappelle was inconceivable. She was going to be there. She had to be there.

"I'm going with you."

"No. Absolutely not."

"Jed..."

He put up his hand to stop her before she could say anything else. "You're pregnant. And we already know what happens when you get upset. The last thing you need is to barge into Ellie's school for a heated confrontation with this man."

"I thought you said it was probably all innocent."

"I'm saying if it's not...IF there's something to this, I don't want you there."

"If there's something to this, I need to be there."

"Abbey, I'm asking you, as your husband and as Ellie's father - the man who loves you and our daughters more than life itself - to trust me to take care of this. Stay home with the girls and let me talk to Ellie's teacher."

He never threw the word 'trust' around lightly. Of course she trusted him. More than anyone else in the world, she trusted him. But to her, this wasn't about trust. This was about Ellie, the defenseless little girl so desperate to maintain peace and harmony that she refused to break a confidence. 

Abbey turned away from Jed in what he hoped was a silent surrender to his argument. She straightened out the rumpled sheets and sat down, her arm protectively crossing the dull ache she felt in her pregnant belly as she laid back and slipped under the covers. "Good night."

Jed walked around her to his side of the bed. He plopped himself down on the mattress, his body so tense from the mere speculation of impropriety that he immediately slumped forward, his head falling into his hands as his elbows rested on his legs. It was his job to be optimistic, to keep Abbey a smidgen away from an emotional collapse that could harm her and their unborn child. But truth be told, in a world defined by the war between good and evil, his Pollyanna outlook was nothing more than a fruitless act.

When he allowed himself to lie down an hour later, he wandered off into a haunting sleep, interrupted by the tosses and turns of a restless father wrought with concern. His eyes opened every so often to catch a glimpse of the time as it dragged through the night. Morning couldn't come too quickly. 

Before the sun even rose high above the New Hampshire sky, Jed had showered and changed. His stomach tied in knots, he wrestled with his simmering temper and the fears that would cause it to erupt. As he made his way across the room, he softened at the sight of her. Abbey was asleep under the comforter, only her head peeking through the top hem. He traipsed towards her on the tips of his toes and kneeled down quietly to place a kiss on her forehead. 

She didn't make a sound. In fact, even when he stood back up and walked out of the room, she didn't move. He had no idea that she was wide awake and eager to get herself ready.

He arrived at the school before the first bell, making himself comfortable in the administration office while he waited to be seen by the principal. His hands were clasped around each other with his fingers laced. He twiddled his thumbs in an attempt to distract himself. It didn't work. Instead, his eyes wandered to the clock and his feet tapped the carpet in rhythm with the big hand. Boredom had barely taken hold of him when a flash of auburn hair caught his attention. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked as Abbey walked into the office.

"I told you I wanted to be here," she replied. "Paige is sitting with the girls."

"I thought we agreed..."

"I never agreed to anything. I just stopped arguing." 

That valiant stubborn streak of hers could always test his spirit. "Abbey..."

"I think you know why I need to be here."

Her timing couldn't have been more perfect. Any objection he had, he was forced to stifle as the secretary called them in. Jed followed Abbey through the adjoining door, both of them shaking hands with Principal Kathleen Hart before taking their seats in the two leather chairs in the center of the office. Michael Chappelle stood beside them, pacing back and forth in a short, steady tempo.

"I understand this is about Eleanor," Kathleen began.

Jed's fiery eyes burned holes into Michael's, his intensity provoked by obvious mistrust. "Yes. Ellie mentioned to her mother that..."

"That Mr. Chappelle has asked her to keep secrets," Abbey finished. "Even from me and my husband. That's unacceptable."

Kathleen pulled her black-rimmed glasses off her face. "What kind of secrets?" 

"She won't say, out of fear that Mr. Chappelle will be angry with her if she does ."

"Wait a minute!" Michael intervened. "She said *I* told her a secret? That *I* would be upset if she told?"

"Yes, she did." Jed's glare hadn't changed a wink. "And I know my daughter. She doesn't lie. She's never told a lie in her life."

"I'm not saying she lied. I think this is a huge misunderstanding." Like an animal fighting for its life, the twenty-two-year-old teacher looked around the room, startled and afraid when he noticed the steely stares looking back. "It's not exactly a 'secret.'"

Kathleen leaned back against her chair. "What is it?" 

"I cast Ellie as the lead in the Christmas pageant. That's all. She said she couldn't wait to go home to tell her mother and I suggested that we keep it a secret until opening night."

"Why?" 

Michael faced the emerald orbs that held more than a hint of contempt. He was sympathetic to Abbey's concerns, but he was also scared about the implication. "As a surprise. That's the word I should have used. It was a surprise. That's all." 

"A surprise?" Jed repeated, his disapproving expression becoming harder to read.

Michael nodded emphatically. "I'm sorry. It's my first time doing this. I wanted the children to have a good show and I thought it would make things more exciting for everyone if the parents were surprised by the cast. I've never put on a show before and with Mrs. King out sick, I..."

"Mr. Chappelle is a new teacher. This is his second year," Kathleen supportively added. "That's why we assigned him to assist Mrs. King."

He made a mistake. An innocent mistake that he now wished he could change. "I never meant to make Ellie think I'd ever be mad at her. I would never be upset with her if she had told you. She's an absolutely adorable little girl and a wonderful student, but the only secret I've ever asked her to keep was about the production. I swear. You can ask her."

"Don't worry. I intend to," Jed assured him. "I don't like my daughter keeping any kind of secrets from me, no matter what it's about."

"Of course, you're right. I...I wasn't thinking. It was stupid of me to suggest it was all right to keep secrets from her parents. She just talked about how proud you'd be of her..."

"We're always proud of her." Jed stood up, a bit more relaxed as he realized the sincerity of Michael's explanation. "I just don't want her to think it's okay to leave us in the dark."

The conversation had dulled to a whisper in Abbey's mind. The words blended together. Syllables were heard in chaotic intervals. She clutched the bottom of her chair as if immobilized by what she saw, frightened by what she remembered. Her concentration was held hostage by the ID tag dangling off the lanyard around Kathleen's neck, the silver clip catching the light as it danced around her chest. It reflected the fluorescent bulbs on the ceiling and the streaming rays of sun coming from behind the gauzy curtains.

"Excuse me?" she called out to no one in particular.

"Abbey?" Jed sat back down beside her and covered her hand to relax her strong grip on the chair. "Is something wrong?"

"What is that around your neck?" She had seen it before. For the past two years, the school district required the ID tags for all employees. 

"It's a badge," Kathleen answered. "An identification badge."

Abbey's gaze shifted to the tag around Michael's neck. "You all wear them?"

"They've been wearing them for a couple of years, Abbey. You knew that." Jed furrowed his brows, struggling to understand the unexpected change in Abbey's demeanor.

"All of us do. It's district-wide policy." Michael grabbed the edge of his badge as Abbey inspected it. His hand moved it to the side, the perfect angle for optimum reflection. The light nearly blinded Abbey, causing her to squint as she jerked her head to the side.

"Abbey? What is it?" Jed crouched down in front of her. "Talk to me."

She wasn't looking at her husband. Her eyes went right through him as a barrage of memories overwhelmed her. "Oh God." 

She stood with such urgency that Jed gasped. "Abbey?"

Her arm cradled her stomach. She stumbled and would have fallen forward if Jed hadn't caught her. "Jed!"

"What's wrong?" Kathleen followed her erratic movements. 

"Oh God, Jed..."

He didn't recognize the anguish in her voice. He had never seen her like this. "Please call an ambulance." 

Jed eased her to the ground, sitting down first to cushion her head. She mumbled under her breath as she bore down on the carpet and bit her bottom her lip to avoid screaming out from the agonizing pain that seemed to invade her entire body. 

Within minutes, she was encompassed by a cloud of confusion. A voiceless crowd mulled around her, only the noisy beat of the sirens breaking through the soundproof barrier she had created to shelter herself. She leaned into every twist of the gurney as she laid on her side while the ambulance raced towards the hospital.

The EMTs rushed her in past emergency and into an isolated room where she was bombarded by a flood of questions both she and Jed tried to answer without much conscious thought. Dr. Gibson greeted her submissively in her haste to begin a physical examination. 

"Jed?" Abbey reached out for him when she noticed him grounded to one spot, dazed and bewildered.

"I'm right here, Honey. I'm not going anywhere." He rapidly approached her, his hand ready to take hers into a guarded hold. She was sweaty and shivering.

"The school! We have to keep the girls out of school." 

"They're out of school. They're home, remember?" 

"Keep them home. Don't let them out of your sight, not even to go to school, especially to go to school." She was losing the battle with the escalating pain, succumbing to a couple of short screams.

"Anything you want, Abbey." He wasn't sure what was going on, but he'd agree to anything if it would offer her some comfort. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"The badge. It's the ID badge! That's what I saw that night. I thought it was a flashlight, but it wasn't. Susan was right." Too much to tell in too little time. The little spurts of information confused Jed even more. 

"Susan was right about the badge?" It took him a minute to remember a specific therapy session with Susan all those months ago.

"About me not wanting to remember! I couldn't remember, not because of a bright light, but because the clip was reflecting off something. It was a school ID badge."

His energy abruptly zapped, Jed stopped in his tracks. "What are you saying?"

"It was someone I don't know. I hadn't seen him before, but he had that badge." Her memory had cracked its protective shell. She had seen the face of her attacker for the very first time.

"Oh God."

"Please! Promise me you'll keep them out of school until I can figure this out!"

"Abbey..." Dr. Gibson maneuvered between husband and wife. "You're in pre-term labor."

"What?" Abbey blinked away the cobwebs that blocked her vision as she struggled to change her focus to Dr. Gibson. "You can stop it, right?" 

"I'm afraid not. The membrane has already ruptured." 

Jed pushed his way through the small gap between the two women. "What does that mean exactly?" He feared he already knew the answer.

"She's having the baby - now."

"NO!" Abbey cried. It was like a nightmare come true. This is what Jed had been warning, what Abbey had dismissed since the moment she found out she was pregnant. Her breathy protests came from deep inside her lungs. "It's too soon!"

Dr. Gibson held Abbey's flailing arms as she turned to one of the nurses. "Tell the NICU I need a fully equipped incubator YESTERDAY! I have a mother ready to deliver at 28 weeks!"

"No, you don't! I can't deliver! I won't!" Abbey clawed at the hospital sheets, shrugging off the doctor's restrictive hands. "Give me the drugs to stop it."

"Abbey, I can't. The membrane has ruptured and once the membrane ruptures, we have to deliver the baby. You know that."

Abbey defiantly shook her head, her desperation becoming more pronounced as she looked at her husband, who tenderly tried to restrain her. "The baby won't make it! She isn't supposed to come yet. It's too soon and I'm still underweight." 

"Is there any other way?" Jed wasn't just asking the doctor. He was pleading with her. "Please?"

Dr. Gibson was an open-minded individual, as willing to explore other options as she was committed to a traditional approach. But this was beyond her control. Her hands were helplessly tied and all she could offer was a heartfelt promise.

"We'll do everything we can." 

 

TBC


	14. Phoenix

Jed crept into the room carefully watching each step as it delicately touched the tile. His hand gripped the door latch to ease it up as it closed, the echo of a faint click drowned out by the deep breath he took to avoid the sob that threatened to burst at any moment. He swallowed back his raw emotions and regained as much composure as possible before he was able to turn from the door and face his wife.

Abbey was stretched out in her hospital bed, her sleeping form occasionally moving as if she was struggling to wake up. Her face was pale, the only flash of color visible in a bruise that marked her lip, a bruise that came when she hit the bed rails in an effort to escape the agony of labor. There were dark smudges under her eyes and he wasn't sure if it was her sweat or her tears that caused the smear of black tracks of mascara down her cheeks.

It all happened so fast, and yet, it took forever. With another wave of grief, he remembered the past five hours. He remembered Abbey's cries exactly the way they came out. He remembered every bloodcurdling scream that left her mouth. He'd never forget that sound. The haunting vibration had scarred his soul forever. 

She fought so hard for their baby. 

"Abbey, you have to let me do this!" Dr. Gibson kept insisting. 

"NO!" she repeatedly shouted as she pushed away the nurses and resisted the probing examination. "I want this baby in me for as long as possible!" 

She was in so much pain that she literally lost her breath half a dozen times. The doctor feared she might pass out as the endless contractions manipulated her body into a twisted lump of misery.

"We're going to take care of your baby, Abbey, but I need you to push."

She ignored the suggestion. Instead, Abbey summoned every bit of strength she had to prevent herself from pushing. As a burning fire raged inside her, she vowed to deal with the pain for as long as the baby could stay in her womb. It was an unrealistic pledge. She knew that. It was unreasonable to expect that she could ignore the overwhelming urge to push. But she had to try.

She fought to cling to the last possible glimmer of hope that, somehow, this wouldn't happen. In some way, she could stop the delivery. Her sweaty palms searched for something to hold on to, something that would give her the lift she needed to get out of bed. 

"I just need a few more days! She's too weak!" 

"We don't have a few more days," Dr. Gibson told her. "The baby is coming right now."

Abbey turned to Jed for comfort. Standing alone at the head of her bed, he tried to hold her arm when she wasn't flailing around. "DO SOMETHING!" she hollered as another contraction struck the inkling of optimism still lingering inside.

"I don't know what to do," he said, a stream of tears falling from his eyes and getting lost in the thick strands of her dark hair as his lowered head grazed the top of hers.

"I can't have the baby now. Tell them that!" She begged him with such desperation in her voice. 

Only Dr. Gibson saw the turmoil brewing inside Jed. He was quiet and subdued, torn between his fatherly instincts and his wife's anguish. "Abbey, Jed can't do anything. Your water broke. Your baby is coming whether you like it or not. The sooner she gets here, the sooner we can get her to the NICU and take care of her. The longer you delay that from happening, the more harm you're doing to her. Every second is crucial. You have to cooperate with us here."

"Let me talk to her." Like a wake-up call, Dr. Gibson's words smacked Jed with a fresh dose of reality. "Abbey, look at me." More strongly than ever before, he forced her to lock her eyes into his. "You trust Dr. Gibson. We both do; that's why she's here. Lets believe her now, Honey. Lets believe her when she says she's going to do everything she can for the baby. Lets help her do what she has to do to save our baby's life."

"We haven't even agreed on a name," Abbey cried, her stubborn streak still strong as ever. It was almost as if she was in denial about the science of it all. She knew how babies were born. She had even delivered a few herself while completing her Obstetrics rotation in medical school. As a doctor, she realized that keeping the baby in the womb was impossible. But as a mother, she railed against the logical and battled for the life of her unborn child. 

"We'll choose a name. That'll be your job. Any name you want, we'll pick. But that comes next. Lets just take it one step at a time, okay? Let's do this now." Jed took her hand and put an arm under her to raise her off her pillow. "We'll do it together."

He held onto her trembling body during the stressful delivery. He held her so tightly, it felt as if he was pushing alongside her. One push after another until eventually, it happened. The underdeveloped baby girl embarked on the passageway through the birth canal and slipped out from inside her mother weighing only 2 lbs, 4 oz. 

She immediately curled into a little ball. Her weak lungs kept her quiet at first, but seconds later, she let out a few faint cries through the labored breaths that concerned everyone in the room.

"Can I hold her?" Abbey asked, her hands still shaky as they settled into Jed's palm.

The new parents were given mere seconds to look at their daughter. Jed did his best to maintain a calm demeanor while Abbey wept at the sight of the little girl who had so much growing left to do. Her emotions finally burst into pure hysteria after the infant was whisked out of the room. 

When Liz and Ellie were born, they entered the world so strong and healthy that their cries penetrated the walls of the delivery room. This baby was different. Only a few hours old, she wasn't being cradled in her mother's arms. She was isolated on another floor where a team of doctors poked and prodded at her tiny body, where the only voices she recognized - those of her loving parents - were the only voices she couldn't hear as she was forced to undergo a battery of tests, alone.

Upstairs, her father sat beside her mother's bed in an uncomfortable, straight-back chair and wondered if the emotional torment he witnessed earlier had faded even slightly. 

Part of Jed wanted Abbey to sleep, in hopes that every minute of slumber would be another minute without the destructive mental torture she would inflict on herself. The other part wanted to wake her, if only to tell her how much he loved her. The latter part won. 

Jed leaned forward to press his lips to her cheek. She moaned as she stirred, her emerald green eyes opening into two narrow slits. "Jed?"

"Hi, Love."

With a few rapid blinks, Abbey wiped her eyes against the back of her hand. "Where is she? Where's our baby?"

"She's in the NICU." Jed had heard that term many times, but he never really imagined what a hospital NICU was like - until now.

"I want to see her." She threw the blanket off her legs as she sat straight up. 

"No, Abbey. Not now." 

"Why?"

"You just put yourself through hell. I think you need to rest." She shot him a glare of disbelief. There was nothing that could keep her from seeing her baby. "Let me ask the doctor."

"No! They'll just put me to sleep again. You have to help me to the NICU." As Jed's gaze fell to the floor, Abbey grew suspicious. "What are you keeping from me? Please don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying. She's alive. I just got back from seeing her. But..." He covered his mouth when he thought about his first visit to the NICU, recalling just how small and vulnerable their baby girl was. "I want you to be prepared, Abbey."

"I am." Abbey relinquished her hand to his, lacing her fingers through as their palms joined. "I just want to see her. Please?"

Jed silently agreed with a nod as he helped her out of the bed and into a waiting wheelchair. He ran his hands over her tangled hair and pulled back the flaps of her hospital gown to cover her up completely before they began their journey to the dismal place known as the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

Any parent's trip to the NICU can be traumatic, but for Abbey, it was particularly devastating. She had been through these halls many, many times, both at this hospital and another one in Boston. While in medical school and then, during residency, she had offered support to the parade of families who had been touched by a premature birth.

She witnessed the marathon crying sessions, the heated arguments between husband and wife, parents, who blamed each other for whatever it was that went wrong during pregnancy. She saw the helplessness that defined their lives, the constant disagreements with the neonatologists who strictly adhered to the infant's schedule for visitors. 

At the time, she could only imagine their grief. But soon, she would understand it from an entirely different perspective. Her spirit ravaged by the fear of what she was about see, she clutched the arms of her wheelchair and closed her eyes. 

The ride to the NICU seemed to be a long one. Every jolt she felt as Jed wheeled her over the subtle bumps in the linoleum, jarred the overwhelming sorrow etched in her heart, her soft whimpers barely audible as she tried to hide them. She blamed herself for this. Her baby was fighting for her life because Abbey didn't gain the weight she needed to gain. Abbey didn't immediately call her doctor when she felt pain during intercourse. Abbey disregarded the ache in her belly the night before and shrugged off Jed's concerns about showing up for a confrontation with Ellie's teacher. 

Every regret traveled down an accusatory path to herself. At the opposite end of that path, was her daughter, lying in a heated bed in this special care nursery surrounded by machines and lights. She wasn't even strong enough to be placed in a closed incubator. This open bed provided doctor's ample access to every inch of her delicate anatomy. 

Abbey had seen quite a few boys and girls grow into healthy babies with the help of doctors and NICU nurses. But she had also seen the ones who didn't make it through the most stringent care, the ones who succumbed to a bleak prognosis and passed away. 

"Oh my God." The machines were bigger than she remembered. The lights were brighter. "There she is." She stood up from her chair to lean against the glass. 

The infant was naked under a mangled mess of wires and tubes. Her head was red and her skin was nearly colorless with just a hint of translucent pink. Below the plexiglassed bottom of the bed was a white glossy sign with a couple of hot pink balloons and the words "Baby Girl Bartlet" identifying her to the world. 

Jed reached for the phone on the wall outside the main door. They were soon escorted to the scrub station where they were both ordered to scrub in with a harsh betadine soap and covered with a blue gown tied around the neck and waist. 

Once they were approved to enter, Abbey eagerly approached her daughter. Jed followed a step behind. The fragile little girl was on her side, her knees tucked under her and her elbow just barely peeking out, so slender and frail that it was a shock to Abbey's system. No matter how many times Abbey had been here before with other parents, she was still so unprepared.

"She's going to be okay," Jed whispered into her hair as he kissed the back of her head. 

"Yeah." 

He detected the obvious hesitation in her voice. "Abbey, you have to believe that she's going to be okay."

She finally surrendered to the doubts in her mind. No one could know the fate of their baby. Not her. Not the doctors. Not Jed. No one could guarantee them a good prognosis. His face still inches from her dark auburn tresses, he leaned back as she emphatically shook her head. "We don't know that."

"God's looking out for her."

Abbey turned towards him, a sudden spark of anger shadowing her expression. "God?" Her voice was soft, but her indignation clear. "Why the hell should I believe that God is looking out for her? For us? Why should I believe that he'll take care of her when he hasn't offered her a day's peace since the moment she was conceived?"

It was true, he had to admit. The night after this innocent baby was created, her mother was the victim of a brutal assault that continued to plague her even now. But Jed couldn't debate the merits of God's plan. He had tried to cast aside his beliefs when he felt he had lost Abbey in the aftermath of the attack, but his desire to reject the spiritual guidance that carried him through life only caused him to fall deeper into a tunnel of despair. He wouldn't allow that to happen again. 

"Have you heard of Marcus Borg?" he asked.

"No and if you're about to tell me a story about God, I'd really rather you skip it right now."

He nodded, but continued anyway. "Marcus Borg is a Christian scholar. He wrote this book in which he recounts a story told to him by the parents of a three-year-old girl."

"Jed..."

"Just listen, Abbey." He silenced her with an index finger pressed gently against her lips. "This little girl's mother was pregnant and the toddler couldn't wait for a brother or sister."

Abbey's eyes drifted back to their daughter. "Just like Lizzie couldn't wait for Ellie."

"Yeah, exactly." Thrilled that he had provoked a response, he put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them up the back of her neck. "So when the mother gave birth, the girl was ecstatic. When the parents brought the baby boy home from the hospital, she pleaded with them to leave her alone with him."

"Why?"

"That's what the parents asked. They couldn't imagine why she insisted on being alone with the baby. But, they eventually agreed and stepped right outside the room. They leaned against the door so they could hear what was going on. At first, they didn't hear much of anything. But then they recognized the pitter-patter of little feet as the young girl walked across the room and sat beside her brother."

Abbey turned in her husband's arms with genuine interest. "What did she do?"

"She asked him for a favor."

"A favor?"

"She said to this newborn baby boy, 'tell me about God...I've almost forgotten.'" Jed paused for a moment as Abbey looked away. "Children come from God, Abbey. He looks after them. He takes care of them. He nurtures them. And when He's ready, He sends them to their parents."

"And what if they're not ready?" she replied in a near whisper. 

"What?"

"What if those babies aren't ready to be sent to their parents? Then what? Does He just snatch them back like it's some cruel game, survival of the fittest?" Her fury was even more powerful thanks to the undercurrent of tears.

"It's not a game. Every life is precious to Him. I truly believe that He wants all of us to live a life beyond mere existence, a life sometimes marred by problems, but decorated with the greatest gifts he could bestow upon us. And He's always there. His presence transcends the limits of time, beyond the beginnings and endings of traditional life and death. He watches over us for eternity. No matter what."

"So what? Are you suggesting that even if our baby dies, we should be grateful that..."

"No! I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that we have to trust Him to guard the life He created. I'm saying that babies come from God, Abbey. We all come from God and although, as we mature, we may forget...he doesn't. He doesn't take life away. He celebrates the life he gives."

"Right." Abbey turned sharply, but Jed pulled her back around. 

"Don't dismiss it. Please don't dismiss it. Once you and I lose faith that she'll survive, I'm afraid we'll lose her." His eyes were swimming in a flood of tears as he grappled with his own damning thoughts. "If it was up to God, he'd give her eternal life. That's what He wants for all of us - Zoe aionios."

His voice suddenly broke and his body jerked as she caught a glimpse of his frustration. She wrapped her arms around him. "Is that Greek?"

"What?" 

"Zoe aionios. Is it Greek?"

Jed pulled out of the embrace, his emotions a little more controlled. "Yeah." 

"And that's what it means? Eternal life?"

"Yes."

"Zoe aionios." It wasn't a question this time. Abbey simply repeated it to get used to the sound.

"That's right."

She ran her hand over the letters of the sign. 'Baby Girl Bartlet' needed something more. "Then that's what we have to name her." She looked up at Jed to gauge his reaction. "Zoey. It's gotta be Zoey."

TBC


	15. Phoenix

Jed kneeled down on the ground and reached up for Abbey's hand to retrieve the black marker wiggling between her fingers. His grip was unsteady, but it didn't matter. Squiggly lines be damned, he proudly scripted his daughter's name on the pink and white sign dangling just below her bed. 

Zoey. 

On some of the isolettes, there was no first name. Parents who had been urged not to become attached to their premature newborn chose to leave their sign blank. But for Jed and Abbey, that wasn't an option. This baby would have a name, a symbol that she meant the world to someone. Anyone who entered the NICU would now know that Baby Girl Bartlet wasn't just a weak infant struggling to survive. She wasn't just "the Bartlet kid." She was a human being, an innocent soul who was clinging to life with the tips her tiny fingers. 

She was Zoey. 

"I see we have a name."

Jed turned, startled to see a raven-haired woman approaching. "Hi."

"Hello. I'm Patti. I'll be..." she read the name with a smile. "...Zoey's primary nurse. That's a great name by the way."

"Thank you." Abbey shook the woman's hand, her eye inspecting her from head to toe. Patti would be the one caring for Zoey on a daily basis. "I'm Abbey. This is my husband Jed."

"Nice to meet you both. We had a couple in here last year who named their daughter Zoey."

Jed swallowed past the lump in his throat. He had to ask the question, but he wasn't certain he was ready to hear the answer. "Did she...is she...okay?"

"Yeah." Patti assured him with a nod. "They left here about three months later with a healthy, happy seven-pound baby girl."

The sound of a stuttering "um" was the only thing that escaped Jed's open mouth. He wasn't prepared for this. "Three months? I thought we'd only be here a few weeks."

Abbey shook her head and squeezed her husband's arm with a remorseful touch. He looked at her with such curiosity flashing in his tired blue eyes. She knew the ins and outs of the NICU, but in her haste to see her daughter, she had neglected to educate Jed. "It's not like that," she told him. "Usually, these babies stay here until what was supposed to be their due date."

"Dr. Bartlet..." Patti began, catching herself as she realized Abbey had asked to be referred to by her first name. "Abbey...you did a rotation in the NICU, right?"

"I helped out from time to time, yes. But this is Jed's first time." 

Jed's lips curved into a somewhat uncomfortable frown. This environment was completely foreign to him. No one had informed him of his daughter's care, her prognosis, or even the official list of NICU rules. "What's the deal with the bed? Is she warm?"

"Yes, she is." Patti draped a light sheet over Zoey to ease his nerves. "The bed is warmed by a radiant heater."

"Other babies are in incubators. Why can't we put her in one of those?"

Abbey pushed herself into him, her hand right hand resting against his chest as if she was trying to offer him some comfort. "They use the open beds when they need to ensure doctors have continuous access to the baby. Once she's stronger, they'll move her to an incubator."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why can't she just be in a regular bed? Why does she have to be up here?"

"The infant warmers, as well as the incubators, simulate the mother's womb." The guilt was pretty obvious as Abbey's deliberate blinks washed her sea green eyes with tears. "She's feeling what she'd feel if she was still inside of me."

"Minus the tubes and the lights and the monitors," Jed added, his fingers following a trail down the line of the IV.

"Right."

There was so much Abbey still had to teach him. There was so much that Jed had to learn. But there wasn't any time. Soon, their daughter's silent sanctuary was invaded by a team of specialists from neonatologists to respiratory therapists to nutritionists and pharmacists. He watched as, one by one, the experts examined Zoey and then addressed Abbey, their ten-syllable words coming so fast that they blurred into an endless stream of confusing medical jargon. 

Abbey's training and background helped her understand the complexities of Zoey's condition, but the rapid-fire instructions and test results were lost on Jed. He found himself in a helpless daze, sidelined by his wife and ignored by the others. 

He stepped back, behind the huddle that formed next to Zoey's bed, only stopping when he hit a corner wall. The concern drained from him and in its place, a somber, gloomy wave of despair took hold of him. Visiting his little girl in the NICU was discouraging enough, but he quickly realized he was nothing more than a speed bump on her road to recovery. 

He turned and carefully slipped through a small crack in the door, leaving the nursery without a word to anyone. He wanted to go back the second he heard the click of the latch. Suddenly, it was quiet. The machines stopped running, the monitors stopped beeping, the chaos and commotion was sequestered behind a wooden doorframe. 

It was the quiet that was bothering him now.

More than anything, he wanted to stand beside Abbey and involve himself in the stressful process. He wanted to hear all those random sounds, for it was those sounds that convinced him his baby's heart was still beating, that people were still fighting for her, that she still had a chance to live. Watching from a distance out in the hall was unnatural, but at least it was easier to accept than watching from a distance inside the nursery. He felt as excluded as he did when Abbey was pregnant. 

Wobbling dangerously at the verge of an emotional collapse, he stumbled towards the window at the head of the NICU. It was only minutes later that Abbey spun around herself, perplexed by his absence. He knocked lightly on the glass to get her attention.

"What are you doing?" She practically ran towards him as soon as she opened the door.

"I'm thinking I need to go home for a little while."

"Now?" She never imagined that Jed would leave before he mastered his role in Zoey's recovery. 

"The girls have been alone with Paige all day. They're probably scared out of their minds about what's going on. I should be there to tuck them in tonight."

Of course he was right. Ellie was too young to truly understand what happened and Abbey imagined by now, Liz was too exhausted to cheer up her frightened little sister. They both needed a parent's reassurance. "I know. It's just...they're explaining this all to me and..."

"You'll take care of it just like you have all along. You don't need me for that." His tone held a spark of contempt that she detected immediately.

"What does that mean?"

Shame. He wasn't angry about not being included. He wasn't jealous that she could help their daughter more than he could. The only thing he felt was shame for daring to make this any harder on Abbey than it needed to be. "It means that you worked with a lot of these people day after day during your residency and you know what you're doing. I have faith that you'll know what's best."

"Oh." She knew he was lying. Underneath the veneer of a claim of innocence, he was hiding the raw emotions he wasn't ready to share. But at that moment, she didn't push him. She was relieved that he chose a gentle approach. "Okay then. You should probably sleep at home anyway. The girls will want you there."

"No." 

"Jed..."

"Abbey, I said no!" He might have been feeling left out, but he refused to voluntarily stay away. "I'll ask Paige if she can spend the night. Your parents are driving up first thing in the morning after the plows clear 93."

"Okay." She was so distant, like she was trying to backtrack in an effort smother a problem brewing between them. Jed sensed it too. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her into a hug. 

"In the meantime, you'll call me if anything changes?" He stroked her hair as he waited for her response. "Or if you need something. Maybe just someone to talk to?"

"Yeah." She nodded against his warm embrace, tightening her grip around his waist.

"We'll keep the girls out of school, but if you're up to it, you should talk to the detective tomorrow."

Abbey wanted so badly to forget the face that was etched in her mind, but even though her baby girl was fighting to live, the haunting memories of her attacker hadn't subsided. "I will."

With a quick kiss that he dropped on the top of her head, Jed let go. "I should go home."

"Jed?" He waited to hear something that would cut the tension between them. "You have to talk to Ellie," she simply said.

"I know."

"I'll call the girls in an hour or so to say goodnight."

"That'll mean a lot to them," he agreed, the conversation so strained that he didn't bother to tell her how much it would mean to him. "Abbey, if anything happens with the baby..."

"I'll call right away."

It pained him to leave his wife and daughter, even if it was for just a few hours. Every paternal instinct told him to stay, but he didn't. Instead, he took the lonely walk down the long hospital corridor to the elevator that would lead him to the lobby. 

It was a cold December night. The air was still and the sky was dark, clouds and falling snowflakes covering the smallest hint of moonlight. Only a few street lamps guided Jed's way to the taxi pick-up where he waited to be driven to his car. 

It seemed like weeks had passed since he and Abbey sat down with Ellie's teacher for a meeting that led them down a hazy detour of frustration as their youngest daughter made her premature debut into the world. But it hadn't been weeks. It had been less than twelve hours. The excruciatingly long day was dragging at an incredibly slow pace and before he could officially call it over, there was one more thing left to do.

As soon as Jed arrived home, he headed directly to Ellie's room. The five-year-old had her back to the door as she stretched her little body as high as she could to return a book back to the shelf.

"Your mom would be awfully mad at me if she found out you went to bed without a story tonight."

"Daddy!" She squealed with excitement as she dropped the book and ran to her father. Jed scooped her up into the air. "Paige already read me one, but she said she would read me another!"

"Well, why don't we give Paige a break and I'll read you a story myself. What do you say?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. But before we do, lets have a little chat." He sat in the rocking chair beside her bed, shifting Ellie slightly to balance her on his legs. "Your sister's taking her bath?"

"Uh huh. Where's Mommy?"

"She had to stay at the hospital tonight, but she's going to call you later." 

"Is she with the baby?"

He debated discussing Zoey, concerned that the girls wouldn't cope well with the newborn's health status. "Did Paige tell you you have a baby sister?" Ellie nodded. "Well, once she gets a little stronger, I'll take you down there to see her, but right now, I want to talk about something else."

"What?"

"Do you wanna tell me about Mr. Chappelle?" 

Ellie let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. "I already told Mommy it's a secret!"

Jed pulled her closer to him, forcing her to meet his stare. "I know that. And you don't have to tell me what it is, but can you tell me whether it's a secret or if it's really just a surprise?"

"I don't know." She shrugged as she mouthed the two words.

"Well, a secret is something that you can't ever tell anyone else. It's when someone trusts you with something private that you'll never, ever let anyone find out."

"Like when Mommy told me she wouldn't tell Lizzie that I watch her when she looks in the mirror to pretend she has boobs?"

Jed looked up, bewildered and a bit apprehensive to ask her to elaborate. "Yeah, kind of like that."

"And that's a secret?"

"That's right. That's what we call a secret," he confirmed with a nod. "But a surprise is different. A surprise is something that people will find out anyway, but you just have to keep it to yourself for a little while. It's like when I told you that I bought Lizzie the boots she wanted for her birthday last year. You agreed not to tell her until she opened her present, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Do you understand?"

"I think so."

"So when we're talking about Mr. Chappelle and the 'secret' he told you, can you tell me now if it's a secret or a surprise?"

Ellie thought about the question like never before. She separated the words in her brain, contemplating both meanings for the very first time. "That's a surprise!"

"You're sure?" Jed didn't allow himself to breathe a sigh of relief until he was certain she understood the difference.

"Uh huh! You and Mommy and Lizzie will find out what it is when you come to the Christmas pageant!"

Finally. His fears faded with the realization that Mr. Chappelle had been telling the truth. Jed wrapped his fingers around Ellie's shiny curls as a smile formed across his lips. "Thank you for telling me."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can something be a secret and a surprise too?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mommy will find out about the bracelet you're gonna give her for Christmas so isn't that a surprise?"

"How do you know what I bought for your mother for Christmas?" His forehead creased with furrowed brows. The diamond bracelet he picked out for Abbey had been tucked in the back of his sock drawer to avoid prying eyes. 

"That part's a secret!" Ellie replied, her triumphant declaration marred by a glimmer of confusion. "Or is that a surprise too because the other part is?"

"Well, I'd prefer that part to be a surprise, which means you're going to have to tell me exactly when you went through my things..." Jed chuckled as a hesitant Ellie lowered her head. "...but, this time, we'll call it a secret."

"Good!" She squirmed to get off his lap, but he held her still. 

"Hang on though. From now on, you don't keep secrets from me and your mother, okay? You don't have to tell us both, but you do have to tell one of us if anyone asks you to keep a secret."

"Even if Lizzie asks?"

"ESPECIALLY if Lizzie asks!" Liz was nearing her teenage years and Ellie was in a perfect position to be Jed's little spy. 

"Really?" She bit down on her bottom lip. 

"Nah, I'm just teasing." He jiggled her playfully to put her mind at ease. "But at some point, I am going to want to hear more about this 'pretending she has boobs' thing."

"Only if Mommy says I can tell you."

"You're under the impression, Young Lady, that your mother is the boss of this house."

"She isn't?"

"Well..." He stalled for a few seconds before he delivered the answer she was expecting. "yeah, but I don't like to tell her that."

With a girlish laugh, Ellie raised his hand to tangle their pinkies around one another. "It'll be our secret!"

 

TBC


	16. Phoenix

Abbey paced the hospital lobby in steady strides from one end of the information desk to the other. After a week of beeping monitors, crying infants, and hustling medical experts, it was a bit unsettling to be in a place where adults roamed freely, outside the confines of a small nursery where every visitor was scrutinized for germs.

She closed her eyes and sighed as she took a sip of the hot cup of coffee she carried precariously in her hands. It was her first taste since she found out she was pregnant. All those months without caffeine, all the constant medical check-ups and prenatal vitamins, all the sleepless nights trying to find a comfortable position for the giant water balloon that had landed on her stomach, all the precautions she had taken to give birth to a healthy baby still weren't enough. She had failed to protect her daughter from an early introduction into a world where tubes and machines would keep her alive, and the guilt she carried as a result was visible to even those she didn't know. 

Every moment since Zoey's birth was filled with blame. Even random distractions never offered much relief from the criticism she had inflicted on herself. Nothing could take the place of the continuous flow of self-imposed accusations that dominated her thoughts. 

Nothing, until now.

So caught up in her regret, Abbey never noticed the blonde woman who snuck up behind her. "Abbey?"

"Maggie?" She was surprised, to say the least. She hadn't seen Maggie Holloway for months. A lot had changed since then. The naive, soft-spoken nurse had emerged into a seemingly stronger person, her demeanor almost intimidating and her eyes sparkling with a kind of determination Abbey didn't recognize.

"I heard you had your baby." Maggie patted her own belly, tugging on her loose-fitting maternity dress. "I'm in my ninth month myself."

"I can see that. Is it..." Abbey couldn't bring herself to say the name of Maggie's fiance, the man who had been physically and emotionally abusive for years. 

"Yes," Maggie immediately answered. "And we're getting married. I know you don't approve, but..." Abbey put up a hand to stop her. 

"Congratulations," she replied with a tight lip. It was hard to express any kind of joy at the thought that an innocent baby would be raised by someone like Frankie, but a cautionary lecture just wasn't on her priority list now.

"How's your baby doing?"

"She's in the NICU, Maggie. How do you think?" Abbey curled her lips remorsefully at her terse response. "I'm sorry. It's just been really difficult."

"I know." With a sincerely sympathetic stare, she extended her hand and rubbed Abbey's arm. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You can make her grow." A statement spoken with such despair that even Maggie flinched. 

Abbey's haggard appearance was a reflection of the tumultuous ups and downs of the past week. The usually ravishing beauty looked pale and tired. Her bouncy auburn hair hung just past her shoulders, limp and lifeless. Her green eyes were now red and puffy. Her stylish clothes had been traded in for comfortable sweats and a blue hospital gown. 

The only time Abbey left the NICU was when Zoey was needed for tests or when she went home to change and shower while Jed remained at their daughter's bedside. He spent the time reading to his baby girl, everything from classic children's fables to Greek and Roman mythology, his logic grounded in the belief that stimulating her brain would help her develop into a healthy infant. 

Neither parent was allowed to hold the newborn. Instead, the only chance for physical bonding came from the occasional stroking of her leg or the gentle touch of an index finger across her forehead. The prohibitive nature of the NICU only made things more difficult, especially for Abbey. Accustomed to breastfeeding her babies, her body ached to nurture her daughter the same way she had Liz and Ellie. But now, she was forced to stand at the head of Zoey's bed and watch as she was fed intravenously. 

On the surface, it was obvious that Maggie's heart went out to the woman standing before her. Perhaps something about her own pregnancy made her relate to Abbey's predicament. But underneath those soft, maternal feelings was a hardened soul smoldering with an ulterior motive. 

"Where's Jed?" she innocently asked.

"I sent him home at 4 this morning. We knew they were going to take Zoey in for some tests, so there wasn't much point in both of us waiting it out here. He'll be back after he gets the girls ready for the day."

"And the girls? How are they?"

Abbey's gaze shamefully dropped to the floor. Ellie and Lizzie - two of the most important people in the world to her and she didn't have a solid answer. Aside from daily phone calls, she had barely spent any time with them since Zoey's birth. 

"They're coping," she answered softly.

"Have they seen their sister yet?"

"No. I'm not sure it's such a great idea right now." Her voice broke as a few tears finally emerged from her emerald depths. "I miss them both terribly. I call them several times a day, but I just hope they understand why I'm not home."

Maggie rummaged through her purse to pull out a tissue. "Jed will explain it to them, won't he?"

"If he can. Jed and I haven't exactly been on the same wavelength either." She dabbed at her eyes to wipe her wet lashes as she recalled the strenuous conversations of the past week. It was painfully clear the stress of the situation was taking its toll. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Maggie offered. "You're not getting along?"

"We are. Sort of."

"You're not fighting?"

"No. We're just snapping at each other for petty reasons, a result of how worried and tired we are I guess." Abbey refused to acknowledge the fear that stirred inside her, the fear that she wasn't the only one who was assigning blame, the fear that beneath the surface, Jed blamed her too. 

"Maybe you should be fighting. A good fight would force everything out in the open and then you could at least move past it. Besides, when you love someone that much, part of the excitement is in the passion that leads to confrontation."

"No, it isn't. At least, not for me." Abbey realized Maggie was talking about herself, but she continued. "It doesn't excite me when Jed and I fight. Especially now when I need him so much. The last thing I want to do is fight with him."

"I'm just saying..."

"When you love someone that much, the passion doesn't come from fighting. It comes from knowing they're there, knowing that in this crazy, unfair world, someone is on your side."

Maggie's stature immediately changed. She wiggled her head as she stood with an air of superiority. "I guess it's different for everyone."

"Why are you with him?"

"Frankie?"

"Yes, Frankie. Why are you still with him? Why do you want to marry him?" 

Abbey was absolutely dumbfounded. She had seen the aftermath of the couple's heated altercations. Many times, she had been the one to clean up the mess. It was Abbey who stitched Maggie's face, who cared for her busted lip, who did her best to conceal the smoky gray bruises that colored Maggie's hazel eyes so she could continue to work. Abbey was the one who reached out to her as a friend and a confidante, who gave her a place to stay all those nights when Maggie believed she was strong enough to leave.

Each and every time, that strength was tested and each and every time, Frankie soiled her resolve. She was fragile and weak and no one but Frankie knew how to break her. 

Then and now.

"I'm with him because I love him, just like you love Jed." That tired argument never worked in the past. Deep down, she knew it wouldn't work now either.

"Oh no. It's nothing like me and Jed."

"How do you know that? How do you know we don't love each other just as much as you and Jed? We don't show it in the conventional way, no, but if you knew him like I know him, you'd see..."

"No, thank you." Abbey turned away with a dismissive attitude that only infuriated Maggie.

"You've never even met him! You don't know what he's like!" She stepped around to the other side so she could face Abbey. "He's sweet and gentle and loving. So what if he gets angry sometimes? Who he is on the inside more than makes up for his temper."

"Okay." Abbey's shoulder brushed Maggie's as she walked past her. 

Maggie rushed towards her, following her around the corner on a stroll through the double doors that led to an elevator. "He does things he doesn't mean to. He's impulsive and when he gets upset, he just loses it sometimes. But he's always sorry. He's always so sorry."

"I can't believe that's the life you want to give your baby."

As Abbey focused on the call button, Maggie blocked it. "Frankie's going to be a wonderful father. He's going to change. He is. He just needs a chance."

"Chance to what?" Abbey maneuvered her finger behind the pregnant woman. "Excuse me? I'd like to go back up to the NICU."

Maggie moved less than an inch to give her access to the button. "He wants to turn his life around. He's capable of so much, Abbey. You don't even know."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because."

"Because why?" 

Her voice in a low whisper, Maggie's desperation came through loud and clear. She was pleading for her partner and Abbey still couldn't understand why. "I just want him to be able to have a chance to prove what kind of man he really is." 

"Who's standing in his..." Abbey stopped abruptly. Her eyes fixated on Maggie's. Her body language drooped with a flash of goosebumps that pricked at her skin. A chill began to creep up her spine and invade her innermost sensations. She felt her anxiety rising, her nerves suddenly on edge without explanation or sufficient cause.

"I want you know that he's a decent human being." 

As the elevator door opened, Abbey stepped inside, her concern multiplying when Maggie followed. Her thoughts were held captive by something she couldn't quite comprehend. It wasn't intuition. It was something else. It was ragged pieces of misplaced memories, every frazzled image more troubling than the last. They kept coming, one right after another, in repetitive intervals that gripped her emotions. 

"Abbey?" Maggie gave a warm smile to calm her friend's distress. "Abbey, he regrets everything he's ever done."

Maggie moved even closer to her, but Abbey moved back. Her fingers tugged at the buttons on her shirt as if the tight collar was constricting her breathing. "You left him, didn't you?" 

"What?"

"Frankie," Abbey explained as she remembered the serious discussion they shared during an early morning hospital shift. "You left him last spring. You and I talked about it. I convinced you to finally leave and move in with your sister."

"No." Maggie vehemently shook her head.

"Yes, you did." It all made sense now. All the pieces of the puzzle she couldn't quite fit together were now aimlessly crashing against one another, bombarding her with information.

She took herself back to the night she wanted to forget. She retreated into her subconscious to remember the frightening details of a night that changed her life.

'She left,' he had said to her as he continuously terrorized her. 

Even now, she could hear those haunting words with the same husky voice over and over again. It was almost like a chant, replaying in her mind until it dulled into a faint echo. His latex-gloved hands pulled at the tiny hairs on her arms and then, like a violent collision between the past and the present, she came out of her daze. 

Her attacker never sought professional medical attention. He had cut himself with his own knife and yet, there was no record of a visit to the hospital. He didn't have to go, for his girlfriend was an accomplished and talented nurse, one who could bandage his wounds in private, away from the noisy sirens and uniformed cops that crowded the emergency room that night. 

"Abbey." Maggie waved a hand in front of her.

"He's an assistant at the school board's district office. Frankie. He wants to be a fifth grade teacher and you were supporting him. You told me yourself several times." 

Abbey remembered the school ID badge dangling from her attacker's neck, the clip reflecting off a street lamp. She had closed her eyes at the glare that night, but the light burned into her lids even as her head jerked from side to side. 

She rebelled against her body's natural reaction to shrug the memories away. She had been suppressing them all these months, but she had no choice now. She had to confront the demons that had been buried deep inside her mind. 

She wasn't afraid now. She was in a hypnotic trance and every second that passed was another second towards the truth, a truth that Maggie wanted to keep hidden.

Maggie hit the elevator stop button with such force that the jolt caused Abbey to gasp. "Look..."

"You found out, didn't you?" Abbey asked with an even tone. "You found out about my meeting with Ellie's teacher. You knew I remembered more and that's why you're here now."

"I'm here because I was worried about you." So obviously a lie, even Maggie had trouble saying it.

"I haven't heard from you since the night I was attacked! And now, you're here, singing Frankie's praises."

"I know how it looks, but..."

"Get out of my way," Abbey angrily ordered as Maggie's stature hindered her attempt to escape the cramped box.

"Not until you listen to me." Maggie spread her arms out and backed up to shield the red button that would restart the lift. "You don't understand."

"You're pregnant and I'm on a VERY short fuse so get the HELL out of my way!" 

"No." Determined to keep the button from Abbey's reach, Maggie stood her ground. Abbey clawed at the woman's elbow, forcefully pushing her aside until an agonizing scream bellowed through the chamber. Two pairs of eyes followed a path to the floor where they heard the trickling sound of water. "Oh God. My water broke."

Abbey took advantage of the opportunity. She turned to the side panel and released the button. "Good thing we're not really stuck then."

"Please..."

Abbey shrugged Maggie's hands off her shoulders, giving her an unapologetic tilt of the head as she made her way to the furthest possible corner. She wasn't a doctor now. She was simply a survivor. "You're in your ninth month, Maggie. Count your blessings." 

Her tone was laced with resentment towards the woman who was presumably about to deliver a healthy baby. But it didn't deter Maggie. "You have to understand."

There was no hope of that. There was just no way that Abbey could understand the vicious assault and the motivation for the cover-up. No excuse would be good enough, no explanation strong enough to rid herself of the hate that immediately took root in her heart. 

Abbey sprinted from the elevator before the doors slid completely open. She headed to the nurse's station and glared at the wobbling mother-to-be trailing behind, grasping her belly with both hands. "I need the police...and a doctor...in that order."

 

TBC


	17. Phoenix

The echoing sound of pots and pans crashing against one another penetrated the thin walls that led down the hallway to the master bedroom. Jed's eyes opened to a blur of foggy cobwebs as he rolled himself onto his back and snuck his arm out from under the covers to reach for the clock on the nightstand. 

9 a.m.

He hadn't even fallen asleep until well after six. Saying he was simply tired was an understatement; his exhaustion so powerful that when he forced himself up, he slumped over the edge of the mattress, his rounded shoulders deflating his posture. He tilted his head to the side to stretch his neck before standing. Still dressed in the pair of faded blue jeans and the Notre Dame sweatshirt he slept in, he rubbed his face and lethargically stumbled down a path out to the kitchen. 

"Good morning!" Lizzie called out to him when she heard his clumsy footsteps dragging across the carpet towards the kitchen. 

"What are you doing?" He checked the clock on the wall just to be sure he hadn't imagined his earlier glance at the time.

"Starting breakfast." 

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Grandma said to let you sleep because you didn't get home until this morning." 

Jed grabbed the spatula and pan out of her hands. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

"I've cooked breakfast before."

"And I was right next to you the whole time." He placed his hands on her shoulders and directed her away from the stove. "Go sit down. I'll make you some eggs."

"Ellie doesn't want eggs this morning." Lizzie grabbed a bowl from the cupboard above her father's head and set it on the kitchen table. 

"Where is everyone?"

"Grandma's in the shower, Grandpa's asleep and Ellie..."

"Daddy!" Ellie shouted on her way out of her bedroom. "We're not going to school again today?" She geared up for his answer, expecting to hear exactly what she had been hearing for the past several days. 

Not yet aware that Abbey's memory had shattered its protective layer, Jed shook his head. "No, you're not, Princess. But I talked to your teacher yesterday and I'm going to talk to your mom today so maybe tomorrow."

"I have to go tomorrow," Liz insisted. "I have Student Council."

"Did you finish the homework Amy brought over?"

Ellie briefly stared at the bowl of cereal Lizzie had prepared for her as she climbed onto one of the white cherry wood chairs at the table. Once she was settled, she reached for the open box of Lucky Charms instead.

"Ellie, that's gross!" Liz tugged on her sister's hand, pulling out a handful of marshmallows cradled between her fingers and wiping the stickiness away with a napkin.

Ellie ignored her, her concentration now shifting to Jed. "Daddy?" 

"Elizabeth?" Jed called Liz's name a bit more sternly.

"Yes, I finished," she answered, returning her father's smile. "And Amy picked it up on her way to school this morning." 

"Daddy?" Ellie impatiently repeated.

"Yes, Ellie?"

"When can we see Mommy?" 

"Oh, by the way, Mom called." 

And with those words, his world came to a screeching halt, stopped by the panic that escalated within seconds as he wondered if something was wrong with Zoey. "When?"

"While you were sleeping."

"Why didn't you wake me?" 

Lizzie shrugged. "She said to let you sleep."

"You always wake me when your mother calls, Lizzie, no matter what she tells you." He dropped the bowl of eggs he was beating and rinsed his hands in the sink.

"It's no big deal. She talked to Grandma and told me to tell you to come down to the hospital when you wake up."

"Good morning!" Mary toweled her wet hair as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Hi, Grandma," Ellie replied. 

"Good morning," Jed said with extreme urgency as he glanced up on his way to the phone. "Abbey called?"

"Yes, but she said not to worry. Zoey's fine."

"You're sure?" 

"Yes. But she wants you to come to the hospital as soon as you can." Mary draped her towel over the back of a chair and approached him. "Go see her. I'll take care of things here."

"Thanks." He gave her a silent look of gratitude. Since Mary and James arrived the morning after Zoey's birth, they had become surrogate parents to Ellie and Lizzie, tending to their needs to allow Jed and Abbey to spend countless hours at the hospital. 

"DADDY!" Ellie's little feet slid into the back of his as she rushed up behind him when he turned the corner out of the kitchen. "I wanna see Mommy!"

"Didn't you talk to her when she called?"

"I wanna SEE her! She promised that when she went to the hospital you'd take me to see her!"

"Yeah and when can we see the new baby?" Liz asked. 

"I don't know that Zoey's up for visitors just yet, Angel." 

"Girls, I'm sure your dad will take you to the hospital just as soon as the doctors say it's okay." Mary sat down beside Ellie and scooped the five-year-old onto her lap. 

"When will that be?" 

She lovingly stroked Liz's cheek as she answered. "I don't know. Hopefully soon. But today, I say we do a little Christmas shopping for your mom and dad. What do you think?" 

"She promised," Ellie repeated in a softer tone, her head falling against Mary's chest. 

Jed's heart broke for the anguish he saw in Ellie. She missed Abbey terribly and no one else could make up for her absence. This was the culmination of her insecurities, months of fearing she would lose her mother's attention when the baby was born. To her, this proved that her concerns were real. It was happening, just as she imagined. 

With no real timetable for Zoey's recovery and no hope for a return to normalcy until she was healthy, Jed was at a loss. He couldn't tell Ellie when Abbey would be home to twirl her strawberry blonde ringlets around her index fingers and make banana pancakes just the way she liked them. He didn't know when she could be there to share their usual after school snack as they colored an entire page in her Sesame Street coloring book while waiting for Lizzie's bus, or when Abbey would be available to give her a bath and tuck her into bed with her usual reading of Good Night Moon and a glass of warm milk.

He didn't have any answers. So instead, he watched helplessly as Ellie curled up in her grandmother's arms. It was obvious she needed her mother almost as much as Zoey did, if for nothing else than a single night of reassurance, a few hours to convince her that she hadn't been forgotten or replaced by her baby sister. 

Only Abbey could help her. But first, she had to know that Ellie was hurting. His determination clearly visible in his body language, Jed headed to the hospital. He had no idea that his chosen topic conversation would be immediately overshadowed by hers.

He walked into the NICU to find Abbey sitting in a metal chair beside Zoey's bed. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were red and streaky, as if she'd been crying. "Abbey?" She looked up at him from her seat. "What's the matter? What happened?"

Abbey rose to her feet and took her husband's hand, leading him out into the nursery lobby. "I spent most of the morning talking to the police."

"Why?"

"They arrested someone."

For a second, his thoughts centered Zoey. "Did someone try to..." Then it hit him suddenly, the jolt of realization nearly knocking him off his feet. "HIM?"

"Yeah," Abbey replied with a nod. "Him, the guy who attacked me."

"Who is he?" 

"Frank Crews."

"Frank Crews?" It took him a minute. He mouthed the name several times, turning away from her then back again as it finally occurred to him. "Frankie? Maggie's Frankie?"

"Yeah."

"He did this? He did what he did to you?" Confusion gripped his senses, his logical mind rejecting the notion of any motive. 

Abbey nodded. "It looks that way."

"I don't understand. Why?"

"He was angry with me for interfering in his relationship. I convinced Maggie to leave him and since he couldn't take out his aggression on her, I was his lucky target. He waited for me in the hospital parking lot that night..." She shook her head, unable to continue. She just couldn't bear to repeat the details once again. 

"Where is he right now?" Jed's fiery temper hadn't been exposed just yet. But it would, once the initial shock wore off. They were both certain of that. 

"Probably still at the police station."

"Does Maggie know?"

"Are you kidding," Abbey asked, almost mockingly as she crossed in front of him. "She knew all along. He cut himself with his own knife. He went to her to patch him up."

"She helped him get away with it?"

"That's not all she did. Frankie works at the school board's district office. And when Maggie found out that I knew about the ID badge, she cornered me in the elevator. She tried to get me to drop it."

"To DROP it?" A ridiculous notion, they both agreed. 

"That's when I began to put the pieces together. I remembered the things he said to me that night, the things that Maggie had told me about him. It all fit." 

"And you told her?" Part of him was thrilled that they finally had the answers they were searching for, the other part slightly frightened at the consequences.

"I didn't have to. She knew that I knew."

"Where is she?"

"Believe it or not, she went into labor during our confrontation." Abbey's voice broke into a light whisper as she looked through the glass overlooking the nursery. Her own baby, so small and fragile, was curled into a little ball on her side. 

"Labor? She's having that monster's baby?"

"At full-term. She's nine months pregnant." The irony of the situation wasn't lost on either one of them.

"Great. So she gets her boyfriend off and a newborn baby, then what?"

"Whatever the D.A. wants to give her I guess." 

Her tone was subtle, indifferent, as if the impact of the news had faded into a dubious detachment Jed struggled to understand. "What did you tell the police?"

"I told them what happened - again."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

He was disappointed that he hadn't been sitting beside her when she relived the night of the attack. But even worse, he was hurt that she hadn't even asked. "Why didn't you tell Lizzie to wake me? Why didn't you want me to come down here to be with you when you did this?"

Abbey turned her head to face him. "Because there's nothing you could have done."

"I could have been with you."

"I did fine. Besides, you needed your sleep."

"My sleep is never more important than something like this, Abbey." It made him angry. He couldn't help it. The way she dismissed every gesture, every attempt to close the distance between them, infuriated him. Something had changed since Zoey's birth. The passionate dynamic between them was out of sync. They both felt it, but neither addressed it.

"You've been up for days. I was just worried about you."

"Next time, let me worry about me, okay?"

"Yeah." Her reaction lacking any warmth or compassion, Abbey returned her attention to the NICU. For the past week, she had been lost in a whirlwind of emotions and gravitating at the core of her weakness was the precarious juggling act she had engaged in with Jed. Every decision she made, he seemed to question as if he suspected an ulterior motive in the most innocent of circumstances.

Jed leaned up against the wall beside her and allowed a few silent minutes to pass before he continued the discussion. "Did Maggie know before..."

"Jed, I really don't want to go back over it."

"I'm just asking."

"No, I don't think she did." She shot him a look of pure annoyance as she opened the door that led to the nursery. "Can we talk about it later? I just want to concentrate on Zoey."

Frustrated, Jed stared at her through a pair of indignant eyes and just as he predicted, the shock began to vanish and pure anger began to emerge. He loved Zoey too, but he was overcome by the strength of the feelings burning inside him. He had been praying for a conclusion to the violent act that changed their lives. He wanted a person to blame, someone to pay for hurting his wife and sending the entire family on a turbulent journey that led to their daughter's premature birth. 

Now, the sinister phantom had a name. More importantly, he would soon have a face, and Jed was eager to see it. His temper was bubbling dangerously close to a boiling point that could be neither stopped nor weakened. 

While Abbey's devotion rested with Zoey, Jed's rage was directed at Frank. But he minimized it in front of her in an attempt to smooth the rough patches between them. "And Ellie."

"What?"

"You said you want to concentrate on Zoey and I'm saying that we're having a problem with Ellie as well." He walked through the door and straight towards the scrub station just as Abbey relieved the prop. 

The door closed on the couple with a loud click of the latch. They prepared together for a visit with their youngest daughter, but like an ominous cloud of black smoke that lingers in the air hours after a flame has been extinguished, the tension never completely disappeared. 

 

TBC


	18. Phoenix

"That's it, Daddy!" 

Loud and cheerful, Lizzie's voice rang through the store with a zing of eleven-year-old excitement. She ran towards the sheer pink material, bypassing several displays peeking out along the way. 

"That's it?" Jed wasn't nearly as impressed. Then again, he had no frame of reference. Lingerie shopping with Abbey was nothing like this. This trip was odd and uncomfortable, just as he figured it would be.

"Yeah, that's the one Amy got! And the one Sara wants too!" Liz held the bra out in front of her, joyfully admiring the lace on the sides of the cups and the little pink satin bow in the center. 

"I like it." Ellie nodded, giving a flare of reassurance that Liz appreciated. 

"That's one of our most popular styles right now for younger girls," a sales clerk added as she observed from a close distance. "How old are you?"

"Eleven."

The clerk gestured with her index finger. "Come with me." 

Enthusiastically, Lizzie complied. She cocked her head behind her to see her father and sister trailing behind just as they turned the corner. "Ohhhh."

"This one is what the junior high girls are wearing." The clerk placed a hanger behind Lizzie's head and allowed the bra to drape across her chest, the padded cups falling to where her breasts would be.

"I LOVE it!" 

"No, no, no, no, no." Jed vehemently shook his head as he approached with clawed hands ready to take away her cosmetically enhanced attributes.

"Daddy, I love it! Really, I do!" 

"No."

"Please!" Liz tilted her head and furrowed her brows in her plea.

"It is our fastest seller." The clerk smiled fondly until she met Jed's steely gaze.

"No, see, I don't think you understand." He closed the gap between himself and Lizzie. "Lizzie, Sweetheart, hold down your shirt."

Confused by the request, Liz stared blankly at her father. "What?"

"Hold it down." He demonstrated the move by pulling on his own shirt to flatten the line against his upper body. Liz followed his lead.

"Like this?"

"Perfect." He stood behind her and pushed her forward. "See? There's nothing there. Not even the start of breasts."

"DAD!" Lizzie immediately let go of her grip on her shirt. She had experienced various levels of embarrassment in the past, but nothing compared to her father's rather truthful declaration that a vital part of her anatomy was, indeed, underdeveloped. 

"There isn't," Jed insisted, fatherly naiveté overshadowing his common sense. "She just wants to feel like she has them. She's still flat, just like a little girl should be." And to him, there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The sound of snickers drew Lizzie's attention across the aisle where two teenaged girls poked their heads around a circular rack, spying as they covered the corner of their mouths in a halfhearted effort to stifle their laughter and snippy whispers. 

"I don't want anything!" Liz threw the bra back on the display and brushed past her father's shoulder.

"Lizzie, wait!" Jed grabbed Ellie's hand and stormed after her. "Elizabeth, hold on!"

"I can't believe you did that!" she shouted as she stomped her way towards the exit.

"All I did was point out the truth."

"You humiliated me in front of everyone!"

"Now hang on a second. What happened just now wasn't my fault and I don't appreciate you talking to me like this. We came to get a training bra, Elizabeth."

She spun on her heels to face him. "That's what that was!" 

"Oh no it wasn't. I may not know that much about women's lingerie, but that, My Dear, was not a training bra. A bustomatic launching pad is what that was." 

"I wanted it! All the junior high girls are wearing them." 

"First of all, you're not in junior high. You're in elementary school. Secondly, I don't give a damn if you were in college at this age, I am not going to buy my eleven-year-old daughter a padded bra."

"I'm never going anywhere with you ever again!"

Already pushed to his limit by the stress of Zoey's condition, Jed's patience plunged to an unrecognizable low. "That's fine. You can go Christmas shopping all on your own then."

"I'll go with you, Lizzie." True to form, Ellie wedged her way between father and daughter to buffer the disagreement the second she saw the distress on her sister's face. 

"Thanks, Ellie," Liz replied as she and Jed exchanged an icy stare.

"And Mommy will come too!"

"No, she won't. She probably won't even be around for Christmas. She'll be at the hospital just like she is now, like she always is." Usually, Liz was the vocal Bartlet daughter, but lately, she had done a good job of hiding her feelings. In fact, until this very moment, she hadn't expressed an inkling of disappointment or hurt about the situation with Zoey.

"All right, listen, I want to talk to you guys." Jed guided his daughters to the fountain bench a few feet away. He helped Ellie onto his lap and brushed Liz's hair away from the side of her face to take in her droopy features. "I know the past few weeks have been difficult..."

"Daddy, Mommy won't miss Christmas, will she?" Ellie's eyes sparkled with a subtle hint of tears. Jed gently stroked the top of her head with one hand as he held her tighter with the other.

"No, Princess, she isn't going to miss Christmas." The girls never dealt well with Abbey's absence during her residency, but this year especially, they needed their mother. He knew that and he was convinced that Abbey did as well.

"Lizzie said..."

"I heard what Lizzie said and Lizzie is wrong. Your mother loves you both and just because she's spending a lot of time at the hospital, it doesn't mean she doesn't miss you two with all her heart." He looked to Ellie first. "You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah," she said softly.

He looked at Liz next. "You know that?" He lifted her chin when her gaze fell to the floor. "Elizabeth."

"I know. I just wish she was here, especially now."

He could summon all his efforts, but Jed was no substitute for his wife when it came to these kinds of things. "I'm sorry I embarrassed you." 

Lizzie embraced a softer reaction, shrugging as she turned her expressive blue eyes to her father. "You can't help it. You shouldn't be looking for bras. You're a Dad."

"Well, thank you very much."

Even though she didn't say it, she was quite proud that he was her Dad. The way he willingly chose to ignore his discomfort to take her shopping didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Yeah, me too. You sure did inherit my temper." He affectionately ruffled her hair to lighten the mood. "We're going to have to watch that."

"I will," she promised. "Will you buy me the bra?"

"The pink one, sure."

"The white one?"

"No." With that short response, any glimmer of hope still drifting behind her jaded frown, instantly dimmed.

"That's why I want Mom here." Of course, Abbey wouldn't approve either, but at least she'd understand the motivation.

"Do your friends have that bra?" 

After a brief hesitation, Liz shook her head. "But they don't have to. They don't need it. They already have something there."

Oh, how he didn't want to have this conversation. With another sigh and a tight swallow, he forced himself to continue. "You will have something there one day."

"When?"

"When the time is right." Definitely not an adequate response. He slid himself closer to her and tried again. "Soon."

"I'm tired of waiting." Liz's head hung low, her posture crumbling to a deflated slouch.

"You know, you're not the only one who's ever gone through this. I went through something very similar." Her curiosity piqued, she looked at him quizzically. "I didn't say it was exactly the same."

"What?" The one-syllable word dragged with disinterest.

"Height."

"What?" 

"I was too short." 

She wiggled to straighten her back. "When?"

"All through school. I was always shorter than the other guys. You know what it's like to have to stand in the front row for every class picture and STILL be shorter than half the girls? Or to show up for basketball tryouts and have the other guys make fun of you because you're a foot shorter than they are?" 

"They made fun you?"

"All the time."

Ellie squirmed, positioning her legs across his thighs. "I don't like it when anyone makes fun of you, Daddy."

"Thank you, Sweetheart."

"So what did you do?" Lizzie asked.

"I prayed that I would grow. I did all kinds of exercises. I hung myself off a tree branch in hopes that it would stretch me. One time, I even had your Uncle Jack tug on my ankles as hard as he could while I laid flat on my back and held on to the legs of the dining room table."

"What happened?"

"The table fell over and I got in trouble for not clearing it first." He tweaked the corner of her lip as it finally curved into a smile. "The point is, I know what you're going through."

She could accept that. Maybe he did understand, at least a little. To her, he was so strong and powerful that she had never even considered his height, but now that she did, she had to admit being short must have been devastating to a person like her father. 

She momentarily let down her guard and softened her stiff frame in sympathy. But seconds later, as she replayed his words in her mind, it occurred to her. "But, Daddy, you didn't grow."

"I beg your pardon. I did so." And he was insulted by the implication otherwise.

"I mean, not as tall as the basketball players."

That was true. "Well, no."

"So what you're saying is that the praying didn't help. The stretching didn't help. Nothing helped you and nothing's going to help me. I may never have what Amy has! It may never happen!"

He silently noted the peculiar way Liz managed to spin the moral of the story. "That isn't what I said. They're two entirely different things, Lizzie."

"But you said they were the same."

"I said they were similar and they are, but in two entirely different ways. Do you understand?"

"No."

"Me either," Ellie agreed.

Obviously, the girls weren't the only ones who needed Abbey. Jed needed her too, if for no other reason than to help him get his foot out of his mouth and deal with Lizzie's crisis. He'd give anything to sit next to her and listen while she explained to Liz that, medically, she was exactly where she needed to be in the stages of breast development. But that wasn't going to happen, at least not on this day. He was on a solo mission and though the topic made him queasy, Lizzie's feelings came first. He cast aside his natural apprehension and continued.

"Lizzie, all girls develop there. And let me just add that if genetics has anything to do with it, then you're in pretty good shape. Just look at your mother." 

"I guess."

"Amy started early, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."

"What if there IS something wrong? What if I go to my first day of junior high without them?"

"That could happen. You're starting junior high in less than a year. You may very well not have them by then..."

Liz folded her arms in front of her chest, a clear indication that Jed's pep talk had detoured down a trail of negativity. "That doesn't help."

"No, I guess it doesn't." They were at an impasse, neither having the answers the other was searching for or the magic words to smooth a path towards another topic of discussion. So when all else failed, Jed relied on honesty to pull him through. "Lizzie, I don't know what to say to make you feel better right now." 

She looked up after a few long minutes of silence. "That's okay."

"Because I'm a Dad?" He flipped her hair behind her shoulder, happy to see another smile. "I'm not going to buy you the white bra, but I will talk to your mom about it...and I'll leave it up to her."

"Thank you!" Liz sidelined Ellie and jumped into his arms before he even finished.

"You're welcome." Jed straightened the ends of her dark locks as she pulled away. "In the meantime, you know one thing that dads ARE actually good at?"

"What?"

"Sharing three scoops of brownie nut fudge ice cream with their daughters." 

"I want ice cream!" Ellie declared, bouncing to the side to help her father rise to his feet.

"Then we better go. Mommy's going to be home in an hour to get you ready for your show tonight." He took her hand as they waited for Liz.

"Okay." Lizzie sluggishly stood up. "I want ice cream too. Maybe the fat will end up in my chest." 

Chuckling, Jed yanked on her arm to drop a kiss to the top of her head. 

"I like your boobs, Lizzie," Ellie assured her during their walk around the clothing racks towards the ice cream parlor in the back of the department store.

"I don't have boobs, Ellie."

"It looks like you do to me." 

"Those are just buds. Amy says the mound is supposed get bigger any day now and then the nipples are going to get puffier."

More than enough information for Jed. "Hey, hey, hey. New subject please."

The girl walking beside him now wasn't the Lizzie he recognized. The Lizzie he liked to imagine was frozen forever in time, a little girl with round cheeks and baby fine chestnut brown hair. She was short and thin, so vulnerable and sweet, so dependent on her parents. But in reality, that wasn't the girl she was anymore. Sometime, when he wasn't looking, she had transformed into a beautiful preteen, so curious about the world around her and so eager to begin the journey towards womanhood.

Enjoying a scoop of ice cream wasn't the experience it was all those Friday nights on the pedestrian bridge overlooking the banks of the Muddy River in Boston. Back then, it was a time for five-year-old Lizzie to bond with her father. Now, it was simply a scoop of ice cream.

The harsh reality that simmered all afternoon, hit Jed like a punch to his stomach when he brought the girls home a little while later. As he braced himself to leave on an important errand, Ellie gave him a kiss goodbye, but Lizzie simply waved her hand, too distracted by her phone call to pay much attention. It had been a subtle change, but over the course of the past few months, Lizzie's priorities had shifted. She was standing at the brink of her teenage years.

Unprepared to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions creeping inside him as he was smacked with the image of a growing Lizzie for the very first time, Jed traded in his jacket for his long business coat, said goodbye to his mother-in-law, and headed out the door. 

A kaleidoscope of wistful memories held his attention on the long drive to the courthouse. But as he turned the winding road that led to the newly renovated building, his car came to a crashing halt, immobilizing him and every stray thought that still lingered in his mind. 

Jed sat in the driver's seat, his fingers folded calmly around the wheel in the misguided belief that he could will himself into submission - anything to prevent the timebomb that was ticking inside him as he looked across the courtyard. It was him. The faceless, nameless stranger who pricked at his veiled security, tore apart his wife's confidence, shattered her brave demeanor into a million pieces, and emotionally crippled the entire family, was standing only ten feet in front of him. 

Frankie Crews.

He had dark, wavy hair and a sloppy beard that tightened his entire face. His six-foot frame would have towered over Abbey, her petite body no match for his bulky girth. Jed mustered his strength as butterflies invaded his abdomen and exploded into a force greater than his nerves, greater than his temper. Pure rage drove him now. It dictated his movements, motivated his actions, and pierced at his soul, pressuring him to get out of the car while his eyes remained glued to Frankie. 

The orange jumpsuit seemed plain on this man. This was the man who violently swept Abbey off her feet and whisked her away to a private, deserted location where he taunted her with a knife, causing her to fear so strongly for her life that she detached herself from her past. This was the person who beat her, leaving marks so colorful that, to outsiders, they masked the deeper psychological wounds he inflicted on her. He stole her optimism and crushed it under a wrath that recognized no bounds or innocent bystanders. 

The orange jumpsuit seemed too plain on such a monster. It humanized him, allowed him to blend in with the white collar criminals. This man needed something more, something to identify him to the world as an evil cretin, so unwilling or unable to live by the rules of society that he could emphatically rationalize hurting a woman. 

His brain screamed for retribution, but Jed ignored the impulse. Instead, he entered the courtroom and snuck up behind the prosecutor's table. His right hand was stuffed in his pocket as he extended his left hand in a gesture to Mike Conroy, the assistant district attorney.

"Jed, you probably shouldn't be here," Mike warned as he slipped through the swinging door that separated the spectators from the front of the courtroom.

"I had to be here. I had to see him."

"Wouldn't you have rather just seen his picture?"

"No, I had to be here. I wanted to be here for this. I'm ready, Mike. I'm ready to face this creep during trial."

"Jed..." Mike patted Jed's shoulder to lead him out into the hall. "There isn't going to be a trial. He's pleading out to a lesser charge."

"What?" 

"He took our plea bargain."

"What plea bargain?" Surely Mike was wrong. Jed didn't even know a plea bargain was on the table. 

"I assumed you knew. He's copping to assault and battery with a deadly weapon."

Assault and battery. After everything Frank Crews put his family through, he'd get off on a single assault and battery charge. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Jed..."

"Mike, you've gotta be kidding me!" He spun around, away from Mike, his fingers running furiously through his light brown strands of hair. 

"No."

Jed licked his lips, accepting the fact that he was losing the battle to contain his outrage. He took several steps closer to the double doors where he could steal another glance at the bastard, then turned to Mike. "This isn't assault with a deadly weapon! This is premeditated kidnapping, attempted murder, assault with intent to inflict permanent injury!"

"I know what it is."

"Then why?"

"Because I'm afraid we can't get a conviction," Mike admitted honestly, a slight twinge of annoyance to his voice. 

"Why?"

"Maggie Holloway denies she ever confessed anything to Abbey."

"She didn't confess," Jed explained. "She implied it."

"She says Abbey misunderstood." 

"Oh, come on!" He wasn't present that day in the elevator, but Jed was certain Abbey hadn't misunderstood. He dropped his head to the side, dumbfounded and disgusted by the insinuation.

"And she says that Frankie was with her the night of Abbey's attack. She's his alibi. Couple that with the fact that Abbey suffered from hysterical amnesia for several weeks..."

"It's a real thing, Mike. Check with the American Psychiatric Association. Hell, I'll hire experts to take the stand if you want." Abbey wouldn't be criticized for the psychological ramifications of her attack, not if he could help it. 

"I know it's real, Jed, but the defense will crucify her."

"This is ridiculous."

"They'll say she couldn't possibly be sure that Frank is her assailant because her memories are jumbled and incohesive and that we can't be sure they're really HER memories, that they haven't been planted in her mind by you or her therapist. They'll say she is looking for a scapegoat, a person to blame, especially now that her baby is fighting for her life after a premature birth."

"And what about the evidence? Abbey wasn't the only one hurt that night. Frankie's blood was all over her clothes. What about that?"

"That's what Frankie's afraid of as well and that's why he'll cop to the plea. What he doesn't know is that we can't prove definitively that it's HIS blood. They only tested a small sample and until scientists come up with a way to conclusively use DNA..."

"Then lets wait until they do. Or at least until we know he'll spend some real time in prison. There's a bill that I'm working to pass in the legislature that will guarantee stiffer penalties for this kind of crime."

"If we wait, we risk losing him. If we dismiss the charges and he walks out of here, there's no telling that we'll ever see him again."

"Great," Jed muttered, angered by the choice between waiting for scientific answers that were still years away or pushing forward now with what they had.

"They're working on DNA testing, Jed. In the meantime, I know the system isn't perfect, but it works."

"There was so much evidence. The gloves and the blood. What about the knife cut? Abbey said her attacker cut himself with the knife. Does Frankie have a wound?"

"Yes, he does." Mike nodded. "He claims he got hurt on a hunting accident. He cut himself while cleaning the deer. His brother backs him up."

Jed's sarcastic laugh resonated through the hall as he lowered his weight onto the back of a chair. "His brother. Because his brother would never lie." 

"Jed, my hands are tied."

"How am I supposed to tell Abbey? How do I look her in the eye and tell her the man who nearly destroyed our lives is pleading guilty to less than half his crime and that there's a possibility he could walk in less than a year?"

"You don't have to tell her."

"Yes, I do." Keeping Abbey in the dark wasn't an option for him. 

"No, Jed. I mean, Abbey already knows. She's one reason I made the decision to offer the plea bargain."

"What are you talking about?"

"Abbey doesn't want to go to trial. She wanted this. She wanted a plea."

Jed tried to rationalize the words he was hearing. Mike couldn't possibly be right. There was no way that Abbey would want a plea bargain, no way she wouldn't want to face this man and personally see to it that he paid for his crime. Not the Abbey he knew. 

Or would she? 

Her recent behavior had thrown him for a loop. She no longer treated him like an equal partner. Since the attack, she had been making decisions without him, shutting him out of important milestones. Maybe she had done it again. Maybe Mike wasn't the one who was wrong. Perhaps Abbey knew. Perhaps this really was what she wanted.

Just the thought made Jed crazy. His restraint drowned under a wave of nausea that came from the remnants of a broken spirit as he caught another glimpse of Frankie, the arrogant bastard who triumphantly took his seat at the defense table. This time, he couldn't stop himself. He didn't suppress his fury, he embraced it, sprinting into the courtroom and pushing his way through a milling crowd. His hands closed so tightly into angry fists that his knuckles were turning white. Unstoppable, uncontrollable anger energized him as he lunged forward across the barricades between him and Frankie and prepared to take the first swing. 

 

TBC


	19. Phoenix

"JED!"

Mike ran through the crowd of spectators milling around the front of the courtroom. In only seconds of reaction time, he prepared to slide his arms under Jed's to pull him back from the target who was about to reap the brunt of his boiling temper. But as Jed drew his fist, ready for the first swing, a bailiff leapt over the wooden railing and used his own bulky frame to misdirect the punch meant for Frankie's jaw.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Jed screamed as he squirmed to break from the restrictive hold of the bailiff and two passersby.

"Jed, stop it!" Mike tried to ease the burning anger that caused him to fight the bailiff. 

"Get that psycho away from me before I'm the one suing for assault and battery," Frank warned, his smug grin noticeably widening.

Lunging forward with all his rage, Jed's hands clawed for the man. "You son of a bitch!" 

His erratic movements provoked the intervention of another bailiff. Mike used his weight to block Jed as the defense attorney yanked Frankie's arm, expanding the gap of open space between the two men and allowing Frank to escape Jed's furious clutches.

Jed Bartlet wasn't a violent man. Because he was born into a family whose patriarch frequently staggered over that tenuous line between discipline and child abuse, he chose a different path for himself. A lesser man may have followed in the footsteps of John Bartlet, embracing the lessons that defined a childhood that enforced physical consequences for every negative action.

But not Jed. 

His upbringing didn't groom him to mirror his father's behavior. It groomed him to denounce it. He became a gentle, caring individual without a hint of violent tendencies. But somewhere, deep in the hollow crevasses of his soul, lurked a smidgen of vengeful thoughts reserved for those who dared to threaten his loved ones. 

In addition to the marriage vows he made more than twelve years earlier, he was reminded of a personal vow. He pledged to protect Abbey and his daughters from the dangers of the world, to shelter them from the menacing situations that could inflict physical or psychological harm. That pledge was carelessly broken the night Frank Crews slithered across a dark parking lot and violated Abbey's security with his depraved intentions. 

Now, the legal ramifications of that brutal crime left him powerless, and if there was one thing that could defy the boundaries of Jed's mental stability, it was sheer impotence in the face of injustice.

"Dammit!" He slammed his closed fist into a vacant wall directly outside the courtroom. 

"Feel better?" Mike reached for his hand, but Jed pulled away.

"Why did you stop me? You shouldn't have stopped me."

"If I hadn't, you'd be in jail right now."

Jed shook his head, a gesture highlighting the rage that overshadowed everything else. "I don't care. That bastard is worth it."

"Your wife needs you." Mike handed him his watch which had become unclasped and fallen to the floor during the scuffle. "Go home."

"Is that what you do? You work to make the streets safer and all that happens is scum like Frankie Crews get off with a slap on the wrist?"

"It won't be a slap on the wrist. He will do time for this." Perhaps he would, but this hearing would declare to the world that Frankie's only crime was assaulting Abbey with the knife. It was a poor interpretation of his true transgressions and the damaging ripple that disrupted all their lives in the aftermath.

"You know, my oldest, Elizabeth...she has a bit of a temper. She inherited that from me. She's usually a pretty good kid, but like all kids, she sometimes gets into trouble."

"Yeah." Mike silently looked on as Jed coiled the watch around his wrist then joined him as he began to stroll down the hall. 

"When she breaks the rules, her mother and I ground her. It's usually just a week or two, but we do ground her. And then, like clockwork, she waits about a day and figures it's time to try to manipulate me. She chooses me because she knows I'm a bit of a softie. At least, more so than Abbey."

"Hmm, have I just ignored this softer side of you?" Mike smiled to ease the tension, but Jed continued without batting an eye.

"The reason she doesn't go to her mother is because her mother doesn't negotiate punishment. Abbey believes that when you break the rules, you pay the price. No bargaining, no promises of better future behavior. She doesn't stand for any of that stuff, not when it comes to Liz." 

And there it was - the source of his anger that erupted into the confrontation with Frank was a direct result of the bombshell he learned about Abbey. How could she not want to fight to put him away? How could she ignore the blows that left permanent emotional scars inside her and unraveled the fabric of her family's safety? How could she have disregarded Jed's opinion in any of this?

"Jed, you're going to have to talk to Abbey about this."

"I will," he adamantly assured him. "But in the meantime, I just wonder why we even bother. I mean, why bother putting in all the money and effort into solving cases, arresting these lowlifes just so they can cop a plea and negotiate punishment. Is that how the judicial system in the most powerful nation in the world is supposed to work?"

"It's how it does work."

"And when I'm not feeling so disillusioned with this thing called 'justice,' I'll recognize that, but at the moment, it occurs to me that in some countries, Frank Crews would be maimed and castrated for his crimes against Abbey and Maggie."

"Do you really want to follow the precedent set by those countries?"

He dismissed the idea with a shake of his head after briefly pausing to ponder the question. "But when I look at the man sitting in there, the man who raised his hand to my wife..." His voice broke slightly as the image of a helpless Abbey flashed before his eyes. "...and cut her skin with the sharp blade of a shiny knife, laughing maniacally as she pleaded for him to let her live...when I look at him, I'm tempted to say 'damn, those countries got it right.'"

His hands stuffed in his pockets, he picked up his pace, walking away sullen and defeated. The hearing didn't matter. The judge's instructions made no difference. This fight was over before it officially began. So Jed did the only thing he could do. He sat on a bench outside the courtroom. He leaned his head against the wall and listened. 

"Guilty," Frankie said.

Guilty. He pleaded guilty to assault and battery with a deadly weapon other than a gun, a charge that wasn't governed by a minimum sentence. Ideally, he would spend several years in prison. But Jed's fear dictated his emotions and that fear revolved around the possibility that a lenient judge would grant a sentence that would free Frank Crews from his cell and return him to the streets of Hanover in less than a year. 

His lips twitched as he thought about the unfairness etched in New Hampshire law, the very law he hoped to supplement with mandatory sentences for people like Frank. It would help other women, but all the advocacy in the world wouldn't help Abbey. 

It wouldn't ensure her assailant receive a fair punishment, reflective of the heinous crime he committed against her. It wouldn't heal the open wounds Frank's cruel attack inflicted on the family. It wouldn't replace the weeks that Jed and the girls spent worrying if Abbey would ever remember them or the months of stress that culminated in Zoey's premature birth. It wouldn't erase the turmoil that shadowed Jed and Abbey's marriage while she struggled to get her memories back or the subtle changes in her behavior that blemished their relationship once she did. 

Nothing he could do would help Abbey, partly because Abbey made a choice, a choice that left him dumbfounded. If she hadn't pushed for a plea bargain, he wondered if perhaps Frank Crews would get exactly what he deserved. But now, he'd never know and the only person who could quell the disappointment that guided that uncertainty was Abbey. 

But it would have to wait. By the time he arrived home, the family was dressed and ready to leave. The news that hit him so sharply had dominated his mind and, as a result, he had nearly forgotten it was the night of Ellie's Christmas pageant. With a forged smile, he wrapped an arm around Abbey and led her out of the house, trailing a few steps behind Mary, James, Ellie, and Liz.

His touch felt different. Stiffer. Harder. Almost rigid and forced. And that wasn't all. Abbey could sense his discomfort from the short responses to any attempt at conversation or his snippy answers to a myriad of shallow questions. It was distressingly clear something was bothering him, but she swallowed her curiosity and waited until they returned home to delve deeper into his sudden defensive attitude.

"Are you going to tell me about it?" she asked, watching him pace around the kitchen as if looking for something to eat. It was busy work, really. He wanted a distraction from a one-on-one conversation.

"I thought you were going to help Ellie get ready for her bath."

"My mother is helping her."

"Well, then maybe you could spend some time with Lizzie." He wanted so badly to talk to her, but his temper was still simmering and likely to incite a fight he didn't want to have. 

"Dad's taking care of Lizzie. And I'm not going back to the hospital until I tuck Ellie in, so I have a few minutes." She walked to a chair at the kitchen table and sat down, hoping he would join her. "I'd like to talk." 

"Fine." He reached for a glass in the cupboard and retrieved a carton of milk from the fridge. "My brother called. He and Kellie want to fly in when the kids are on break next week so they can help out until Zoey gets a little stronger."

"That'll be nice. They also sent flowers. So did your father." 

"My father," Jed scoffed as he poured the milk. "I still can't believe he..."

"Jed." Abbey folded her arms in front of her chest, impatiently waiting for him to finish circling around the point when she noticed the purple bruise that marked his knuckles. "What happened to your hand?"

He shot a quick look in her direction, then lowered the carton onto the countertop and rested his hands beside it as he focused on a benign object straight ahead. "I found out today that Frank Crews is pleading out."

She knew this was coming. She wanted to be the one to tell him, but lately, things between them just hadn't been the same. There seemed to be a stressful edge to most of their conversations, an unfamiliar tendency to skirt the issues. "Oh."

"Assault and battery with a deadly weapon. Can you believe it?"

"You didn't...tell me that isn't how you hurt your hand."

"No. I hurt my hand by punching a wall when I found out about the plea bargain." 

He gave no hint of whether or not he knew her about role in this, so she simply played along. "It's amazing what our legal system can do."

"It's amazing what victims allow it to do," he growled as he threw his head over his shoulder to look at her. It wasn't an ambiguous look. This was an accusatory stare loaded with passion.

"I won't lie to you. I'm thrilled we're not going to trial."

"You're thrilled." It was a statement, not a question. "You're thrilled that the man who nearly destroyed our lives won't get what he deserves?"

"I understand that you're upset..." 

She tried to rationalize the situation, but nothing she would say could relieve his sorrow. Not this time. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't we make this decision together?"

"Because I knew you'd try to talk me into fighting him and I didn't want that."

"Well, as long as you didn't want it..." He abandoned the milk and sauntered around the chair directly across from her. Folding his palms across the backrest, he lifted the legs from the floor.

"He did this to me!" Abbey snapped.

"No, Abbey, he didn't!" Jed released the chair, letting it crash to the ground. "Not just to you! He also did it to me. He did it to Liz. He did it to Ellie. And he did it to that innocent little baby fighting for her life at the hospital!" 

Abbey took a deep breath as she stood to reach his level. "I don't want to go to trial, Jed. I can't face that man ever again. I just want him out of our lives! The jury isn't going to believe me anyway, not when the defense gets into the problems with my memory. So when Mike Conroy called me and explained the situation, I told him to go for it, offer the plea. I wanted Frank to take it. I still do. And if you think you're going to change my mind..."

"It's too late to change your mind! I went to court today. I listened to that despicable rat as he stood in front of the judge and said he was guilty of assault battery. Assault and BATTERY, Abbey!"

Her heart broke for his pain. She had no idea he had gone to the hearing, that he had been ambushed by the plea bargain. Her green eyes pierced into his baby blues. "I'm sorry you found out the way you did, but I don't regret my decision. I couldn't bear to sit on the witness stand and recount every second of that night and then listen to his lawyer twist my words afterwards. I couldn't do it, Jed." 

"This shouldn't have been YOUR decision. It should have been OURS." 

"It wouldn't have mattered. No matter what we wanted, we wouldn't have gotten the conviction."

Momentarily, the importance of the conviction faded. This wasn't like Abbey, at least not the old Abbey. That Abbey prided herself on her honesty and openness. She wouldn't have left him in the dark. "You don't know what would have happened. And even if by some miracle, you did, you still should have come to me. I should have been part of this." 

"If that's what you're upset about..."

"You're damn right that's what I'm upset about!" Jed's raised voice drew stares from Ellie and Mary as well as Lizzie and James. They rushed out of their bedrooms and stopped just short of the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Lizzie asked.

"Nothing," Abbey answered. "Mom, can you..." 

"Of course. Come on, girls." Mary led the girls into Ellie's room as James approached his daughter.

"Abigail?"

"Dad, it's nothing. Please stay out of it," she pleaded, reassuring him with a nod and silently asking for privacy. 

James glanced at Jed who respectfully returned his gaze. "Okay." 

Abbey watched James turn the corner of the hallway before she addressed her husband. "As I was saying, if you're upset because I didn't tell you, I can explain."

"Go ahead." Jed backed up towards the counter and waited eagerly for her to make this better. If she could offer any kind of reasonable explanation that would alleviate the hurt, he'd take her into his arms and work tirelessly to repair the rift between them.

"I told you earlier that I didn't want to give you a chance to change my mind. But I also didn't want to cause more tension between us and that's exactly what would have happened. So I kept my mouth shut and I know it was a mistake, but..."

"You don't get it." He dissuasively waved his arm at her. "This isn't a one-time thing."

"Excuse me?"

"The past several months, you've been flying solo. Every decision has been yours, Abbey. You act as if I'm not even here, as if you don't even have a husband." 

She was caught off-guard. The feeling of control had been ripped out of her hands when she was attacked and in her mind, these past few months, she had been doing nothing more than getting it back. "I resent that." 

"It's the truth. It all goes back to the days you spent lying to me about your memory, pretending you remembered more than you actually did. You remember that? Then, of course, you made the decision to let Susan walk you through the night of your attack even though I strongly disapproved."

"I apologized for shutting you out of that decision," Abbey argued, her temper quickly rising to rival his. His chilly glare barely changed as he squinted his eyes and twisted his head to the side.

"Then you decided to go back to your residency, despite my hesitation..." He crossed to the other side of the kitchen as she followed.

"...which you didn't even express," she finished. "And, by the way, if we're going to fight, let's fight fair. When I realized how uncomfortable you were with that, I decided to work at the clinic instead and put off residency until the Spring."

Jed glossed over that truthful fact to make his next point. "You didn't bother to tell me when you were having trouble with your pregnancy. I had to hear about the pain you were having when you finally told the doctor."

"I didn't think it was anything serious," she countered. 

"No, because you thought you knew best. You always think you know best."

"I'm not intentionally leaving you out."

"Yes, you are. You're doing it now with Zoey."

Abbey flinched, confused by his accusation. "What?"

"You're the only one who talks to the doctors. I get the test results and a few superficial updates, but you don't even tell me what's going on medically. You're so consumed with being there 24/7 that you don't let anyone else near her."

"I'm her mother!" 

He heard a fair amount of anger in her declaration, but he didn't back down. "And I'm her father! But for some reason, that doesn't mean as much, does it?"

"Of course it does."

"The only time you let me spend some time alone with her is when you come home to shower or change and even then, you make sure that Patti is checking on her every few minutes. It's as if you don't even trust me to just sit there and watch her." Jed blinked away the tears that wet his eyes. Even he was amazed by the misery that sparked the flow of emotions. 

"How can you say that?"

"I love her just as much as you do, but you can't stand to leave her alone, not even with me."

"She needs me." 

"And so do your other two daughters," he harshly replied. "They miss you. Ellie and Lizzie, they miss you so much."

"I miss them too," Abbey muttered, almost like she was appealing to his sensitivity, begging him to recognize her sincerity and believe how difficult this was for her. "I miss them just as much."

"How can you? How can you have time to miss them when you're always with Zoey?"

"That's not fair! I love them. All three of them."

"Look at yourself, Abbey. You're exhausted. You're surviving on nothing but coffee. Your hair is thin and shaggy. I wouldn't be surprised if it starts falling out because of lack of nutrition. You have dark circles under your eyes. You've lost so much weight no one would even believe you had a baby just a couple of weeks ago."

She ran a hand through her dark auburn locks and stared down at her petite frame. "Well, gee, Jed, I'm sorry I'm not looking like the blushing bride you want me to be."

"Stop it! That isn't what I mean and you know it."

She did know it. Jed was as worried about her as her parents, but just as she had done with them, she instantly rejected his concern. "I need Zoey as much as she needs me."

"You have an entire family who needs you! We need both of you. The girls haven't even SEEN Zoey yet. They haven't even met their little sister."

"We talked about that."

"Yes, for about five minutes. You told me that from a medical standpoint, the less visitors Zoey has, the less chance of germs and infection."

"That's true."

"The girls are not going to make her sick and you know that. So I have to wonder - is it the infection you're afraid of or is there something else going on that I don't know? Is Zoey's condition worse than you're telling me? Is that why you don't want Liz and Ellie getting close? Is it because...just in case?"

He was teetering at the edge of a dangerous line. Abbey wasn't ready to think about Zoey's mortality any more than Jed was ready to question it. But he could no longer live with the doubt that burdened him. 

Husband and wife stood still for several minutes, neither willing to break the silence. Finally, Abbey bit down on her bottom lip and then opened her mouth. "I have been completely honest with you about Zoey."

"Then let me sit with her while you spend time with Liz and Ellie. I took Lizzie shopping for a bra this afternoon. Did you know that?" She didn't verbally respond, but her eyes held the answer. "She wanted you there. And Ellie, I can't even tell you how much Ellie misses you."

"You've already told me. You told me last week."

"And it didn't make much of a difference, did it?"

"Don't do this." Her eyes brimmed with tears that immediately trailed down her cheeks as she turned from him.

"Why didn't it make a difference? Why weren't you home the very next night reading to Ellie just as you have since the day she was born?" He hovered around her, his head poking over the back of her shoulder. He was baiting her now, but he couldn't stop, not if he wanted the truth. 

"Because I was with Zoey!"

"Zoey gets the lion's share of your attention and Ellie and Liz are just cast aside?"

"NO!"

"Then why?"

Abbey spun around so sharply that the force of her turn caused Jed to step back. Her breaths were short and ragged and her face was red, a tribute to her steely indignation. "Because I'm the one who did this to her!"

"What?"

On the verge of a meltdown, she dabbed at her eyes with a dry tissue as she gathered her composure. "I should have listened to you. That day...you told me not to go with you to Ellie's school. You told me you'd handle it. I should have trusted you. I shouldn't have gone. If I hadn't...God, Jed, I should have listened. I should have listened to you."

Abbey didn't know what she expected from him in response. Maybe a warm smile or a gentle hand on her shoulder. Maybe just a softened tone or a whisper to affirm that it wasn't her fault. But that isn't what she got.

Instead, Jed paused to collect his thoughts then looked directly into her eyes. With an unforgiving tone, he asked, "Why didn't you?"

 

TBC


	20. Phoenix

On the verge of a meltdown, Abbey dabbed at her eyes with a dry tissue as she gathered her composure. "I should have listened to you. That day...you told me not to go with you to Ellie's school. You told me you'd handle it. I should have trusted you. I shouldn't have gone. If I hadn't...God, Jed, I should have listened. I should have listened to you."

Abbey didn't know what she expected from him in response. Maybe a warm smile or a gentle hand on her shoulder. Maybe just a softened tone or a whisper to affirm that it wasn't her fault. But that isn't what she got.

Instead, Jed paused to collect his thoughts then looked directly into her eyes. With an unforgiving tone, he asked, "Why didn't you?"

Her first reaction was one of disbelief. There was no doubt that Jed had lost patience with her. His drawn features mapped his exhaustion while his eyes screamed betrayal. Abbey stood motionless, her lips moving to form some kind of sound, but her vocal cords uncooperative, leaving her speechless. 

How could she answer that question? How could she look at her husband and explain the tumultuous emotions churning inside her? How could he understand?

"What?" she finally asked, her voice soft and demure.

"Why didn't you?" Jed asked again. "Why didn't you listen to me? When I told you that I would take care of it, when I begged you to trust me, why didn't you do it?"

"It wasn't about trust." To Abbey, it really wasn't. It was about so much more. She had been victimized by a psychopath and just the thought that her daughter could have been in a similar situation at school provoked the unyielding motherly instincts that drove her to defy Jed's request.

"No, it wasn't about trust." It was an involuntary reaction really, the sarcasm that defined his anger and clogged the path towards a reasonable, productive discussion. 

"It wasn't."

"Then what was it, Abbey? If it wasn't about trust, if you trusted me to handle things, then WHY did you put yourself in the line of fire? Why did you show up at Ellie's school?"

"I had to. I had to know. I had to see it for myself...to hear her teacher explain what was happening."

"I would have come home and told you. Why wasn't that enough?"

"Because you have no idea what was going through my mind, Jed!" He wasn't the only one who had lost patience. Her temper at the brink of eruption, Abbey surrendered to the seething cauldron of pain that kept her stomach tied in knots. "I know I shouldn't have done it, but you have no idea how I felt imagining that someone...I mean, I know you were upset too, but for me, it was...different. It was..."

He gave her a few seconds to resume her thought, and when she didn't, he calmy replied, "Tell me."

Abbey took a deep breath. She hadn't shared these feelings with anyone, for sharing them aloud would mean she'd have to admit them and she just wasn't ready for that. With guarded vulnerability and trepidation, she began. "I was scared for Ellie. The thought of her being hurt ripped me apart and that wasn't even the worst part, Jed. The worst part was that little voice inside my head that kept whispering 'what if it's him? what if he got to her?'" 

"Him, as in the man who attacked you?"

"Yes." 

He was listening. There was no doubt that Jed was listening. But his curiosity didn't subside. It didn't lessen with her words. "And what did you think you could do that I couldn't?"

"You're not understanding. The notion that this psychopath got his hands on Ellie...I wanted to be there, to see him. I wanted to meet him. I had to. Even if it wasn't the person who came after me, I had to see the face of the man who might have hurt my daughter. I couldn't depend on you to tell me what he looked like. I couldn't depend on your description. I had to see him."

"Let me get this straight. You walked into that school, thinking that you might come face to face with the bastard who nearly killed you and you didn't even tell me?" The revelation only confirmed what Jed had been saying all along. It validated his anger. "You were pregnant!"

"And I made an unbelievable mistake, one that I will blame myself for until the day I die." She needed so badly to hear him say something, anything, that would soften the jagged edges of her deep-rooted guilt. But when he didn't say anything, she answered for him. "...and so will you."

"I never said this was your fault." 

"You didn't have to. Your actions are deafening." She couldn't fault him really. Her love for one child overshadowed her concern for the other and, as a result, their youngest daughter was barely clinging to life. Of course he blamed her. How could he not?

"My actions?" He was surprised, to say the least. He was upset that she put herself and Zoey in jeopardy, but he was there, in that delivery room, the day Abbey went into labor. After seeing what he had seen, the lengths she went to to prevent an ill-fated birth, condemning her for what she did wasn't even an option. 

Abbey swallowed past the lump in her throat. It was time to come clean, time to confront the emotional barrier that stood in their way. "The way you talk to me, the way you dismiss the tension that's been building between us since Zoey was born."

"That's because you've been shutting me out, Abbey! That tension was there every time you made a decision without me and it only grew after Zoey was born. That day we went to see her in the NICU, right after you had her..."

"What about it?"

"The doctors rushed over to you and you stood there and spoke to them for 40 minutes, going over options, telling them what we'd consent to and what we wouldn't. You didn't even bother to ask for my opinion. You didn't even explain to me what was going on!"

"I was going through Hell! I wasn't thinking straight!"

"And were you thinking straight when you consciously chose to keep me in the dark about Frank Crews's plea bargain?"

Abbey leaned back against the counter, her eyes widening in acknowledgment. This was the crux of the issue, not only for Jed, but for her as well. "I should have said something to you. I should have warned you."

"When you told Mike that you were comfortable with the plea, you basically said that what Frank Crews did to you didn't matter. What he did to this family made no difference."

"That isn't what I said. Don't manipulate the situation."

"Manipulate the situation?" he shouted as he spun around her to the other side to watch her as she crossed in front of him. "I'm not manipulating the situation, Abbey. I'm pointing out the facts."

"So am I! I had to tell Mike to do it. I couldn't stand the possibility that I might have to face this man in court. I couldn't get up on the witness stand and testify. Do you have any idea what his lawyer would say? How he'd try to find a lapse in my memory? And he'd succeed, Jed. My memories of that night still aren't crystal clear. He'd turn everything around and somehow, I'd be the traumatized weakling who's framing an innocent man because I can't REMEMBER. And Frank Crews? He'd walk."

"He'd walk," Jed sputtered dismissively.

"Yes. He'd walk. That was a very real scenario, Jed. He could have gotten off scot-free. Then what?"

"Then at least we'd know that we did what we could to put him behind bars."

"At what price? Our sanity? Public humiliation? At least this way, we're assured he'll get some jail time. I wanted that assurance. I needed it. I needed to know that I finally had control. He took my power away the night he attacked me. I wasn't going to let him do it again."

"He took it away from me too," Jed mumbled. "What he did to you, he did to me."

"Not exactly."

"Don't you understand? What happens to you, happens to me. You may bear the physical scars of the attack, but I'm suffering the mental ones right along with you."

Of course he was, Abbey acknowledged. She knew that Jed felt responsible for not being there to tear her out of Frank's clutches. He had told her that long ago. But somewhere between relieving him of what he considered marital failure and forging ahead to regain a sense of independence and normalcy, she had neglected the turmoil he struggled with every single day. 

Abbey once told her sister that to know Jed Bartlet was to know his soul. His heart was clearly open with one stolen glance into his sapphire-colored eyes. In those expressive orbs, his emotions sat on display. She was reminded of that as she stared at him now.

This was his anguish. The remorse, as well as the fury, that punctured his spirit was exposed by the thin layer of stagnant tears that stubbornly refused to trail down his cheeks. She could comprehend his torment, if only he could comprehend hers.

"It's not the same," she said softly as she extended her hand to touch him, quickly retracting the gesture when she heard her name. 

"Abbey." Jed and Abbey both turned to see James standing in the entryway.

"Dad, everything is okay."

"No, it isn't," James replied. "I can hear that it isn't and frankly, so can your daughters. Elizabeth's been listening to portions of this argument for the better part of twenty minutes now."

Jed relaxed his hands on the counter and shuffled his feet below as he faced Abbey. He could see the regret seeping through the colorful remnants of distress painted on her face. Dark smudges under her eyes marked her pale skin with evidence of fatigue while the vibrant red streaks across her nose and cheeks slowly dulled as she regained some composure. 

He wanted to comfort her, to take away her hurt and assure her of his unconditional love. But now wasn't the time. There was still more to discuss before he could let go of the animosity, and with her parents and their daughters only a few feet away, that wasn't going to happen.

Instead, he draped his coat over his arm and headed towards the front door. "I need some fresh air."

"Where are you going?" Abbey asked.

"I don't know." He threw her a final glance, one reflective of the hostility that ravaged his calmer sensibilities, and with a turn of the knob and a dismal click of the latch, he was gone.

James cautiously stepped forward as Abbey remained glued to her spot. "Your mother is giving Ellie a bath. She's going to want you to read to her afterwards." 

"Okay." She turned to face her father, but her eyes absently fell to the floor.

"At some point, you should talk to Lizzie. She's confused about what's going on."

"She isn't the only one." Abbey had been grappling with questions of her own, trying desperately to pinpoint the cause of the growing distance between her and Jed, the exact moment they took a shocking detour from the tranquility of the months before. Was it Zoey's birth? Or had they never fully recovered from the night a maniac named Frankie entered their lives?

"Why didn't you fight a plea bargain, Abbey? After what that man did..."

"Dad, I really don't want to get into this with you," she warned, her hands raised to quiet him. 

"You're scared." Abbey scoffed as she walked around him, dismissing the assertion with a roll of her eyes. "Abigail, what are you scared of?"

"I just don't want to go to court. Why can't anyone accept that?" She picked up the milk carton Jed had left on the counter and approached the fridge. 

"It doesn't make sense. You're a fighter. You've always been a fighter."

"I'm TIRED of fighting!" She dropped the carton to the ground, watching helplessly as milk splashed over the tile. "Damn it!"

"It's okay." James covered her shaky hands, holding them in his to lead her out of the kitchen. His soothing touch seemed to relax her almost instantly.

"I have to clean that up."

"I'll take care of it." He guided her towards the living room, but she escaped his hold before he could sit her down.

"I just want to forget that awful night happened."

"That's part of the problem. Ever since it happened, you've been trying to forget it, and you did a pretty good job for several months. But Jed - he can't forget. He doesn't want to forget. Because to him, it was more than just the initial assault. To him, it was an attack on his family. He nearly lost his wife, not just that night, but in the months afterwards."

Abbey clenched her eyes shut while she furiously massaged her forehead trying to demolish her frustration with every irritated rub. "I know."

"He would move Heaven and Earth for you. He would give his own life if he could save yours. But in this situation, he was completely powerless."

"I know," she repeated as she allowed her hands to fall to her side.

"Then maybe you could give him a break and try to understand why he's so upset that the man who started all this won't get what's coming to him."

Give him a break. That's what he urged her to do. That's what she wanted to do. But opening the lines of communication wasn't just her responsibility. Jed suffered a different kind of violation the night that Abbey was attacked and though a careless admission of anger occasionally slipped through the cracks in his armor, he kept his rage pretty well guarded, at least from her. At the time, all that mattered was Abbey's recovery. But now, after unmasking the face of the sinister phantom, the thoughts of revenge that had been pushed to the backburner were exploding out of him with an intensity Abbey didn't expect. 

"I'll talk to Jed when he comes home. But I can't fix this alone."

"No one's suggesting you should."

"Mommy!" Ellie ran down the hallway and turned sharply towards the living room. Her shiny curls bounced against the top of her pink pajamas. "I'm ready!"

Abbey smiled at the little girl's exuberant energy. "Did Grandma dry your hair?"

"Uh huh. And I brushed my teeth and said my prayers!"

James returned his daughter's inquisitive stare with an encouraging nod. "Go ahead. I'll clean up the milk."

She graciously mouthed a 'thank you' in appreciation, then followed her young daughter into her bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

Ellie immediately rushed towards the bookshelf. It had been so long since her mother had read to her, that she spent several minutes just gazing at the spines, searching for the perfect story. She touched her index finger to her chin - a move she learned from Abbey - while pondering her choices. 

"This one," she announced as she pulled out The Velveteen Rabbit. "And this one." She yanked on the top of Green Eggs and Ham. 

"Just one, Sweetie."

"I want two."

"It's late and I'm really tired."

"Please, can we read two?" Ellie tilted her head to the side as her brows wrinkled with her plea. It was a look Abbey could never resist.

"Okay, bring two."

Ellie took a step in her mother's direction, then retreated back to bookshelf. "Three."

"Ellie."

"One more. That's all." She teetered on the tips of her toes as she reached for her favorite, Goodnight Moon. But before turning away from the books, she pulled out a fourth choice - Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes.

"Ellie, that's enough. Put the fourth one back."

"Please," she pleaded as she turned towards Abbey.

"Not tonight. It's late and you have to go to bed."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do. Now put it back." 

"Pleeeeeaaaassssse."

"Eleanor." Ellie remained still, unwilling to relinquish the four books she was cradling in her arms. "Fine, then you can go to sleep without a story tonight."

"No." It wasn't a strong declaration or even a whine. It was a mellow response that curbed the sheer hysteria brewing beneath her beautiful blue-green eyes. 

"Come on, get into bed." Abbey held out her hand, expecting Ellie to take it. Ellie refused. "Ellie, get into bed now. I'm not going to tell you again."

"No." 

"You don't want to have this fight with me tonight. Now get into bed!" 

Ellie turned away from her mother and braced her hands on the frame of her bookshelf. Abbey looked on quizzically before she realized what was happening. Ellie's little body was quivering under a wave of tears.

She approached from behind her and lifted her up into her arms. Initially, Ellie fought back, kicking at Abbey's waist and beating down on her shoulders with her tiny fists, but after a few seconds, she relaxed into a comforting embrace. 

"I don't wanna go to sleep," she cried, her voice muffled by Abbey's sweater.

"Then let's just talk for a minute, okay?" Abbey sat down on the edge of the mattress, holding Ellie tightly against her. "Why don't you want to go to sleep?"

"I just don't." 

"Why not?" Ellie's behavior startled Abbey. So eager to please, the five-year-old rarely threw tantrums and had never acted out in pure rebellion. "Sweetheart, tell me why you don't want to go to sleep."

Ellie sniffled as she raised her head from Abbey's shoulder. Her long, dark lashes soaking up her tears, she replied, "Because when I wake up, it'll be morning and you'll be gone again."

The words hit Abbey like a stab to the heart. This is what Jed had been talking about, what he had been warning for so long. "Oh, Ellie."

Gut-wrenching sobs racked Ellie's body, causing her to tremble nervously against Abbey's chest as she tried to talk in between labored breaths. "I don't...wanna...go to...sleep." 

"What if I'm not gone when you wake up?" Abbey asked, gently stroking the top of her daughter's head. "What if I stay right here with you until you're fully awake?"

Her tone deepened as her cries eased into softened whimpers. "Really?"

"Really." Ellie began to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, but Abbey pulled it away, replacing the little girl's fingers with her own. "What if we wake up together tomorrow morning and you help me cook breakfast? We'll make banana pancakes just the way you like them."

"We will?"

"You bet we will." 

"Okay."

After clearing her tears, Abbey twirled her fingers around Ellie's springy curls. "In the meantime, will you do me a favor?"

"Yeah." 

Abbey laughed. "You don't even know what it is."

"That's okay." Loyal to a fault, Ellie would pretty much agree to anything. 

"Your dad's not here and I wanted to lay down for a little while, but I'm going to be so lonely all by myself. Will you sleep next to me tonight to keep me company?"

"Yeah!" Sleeping in her parents' bed was always a special treat, but tonight, it was especially important that Ellie know her mother was laying beside her. 

Abbey reached down to pick up the four books Ellie had dropped. She handed two of the books to the five-year-old and held the other two in her own arms as she tightened her grip around her daughter and stood up to leave the room. 

TBC


	21. Phoenix

"Hick...or...y, dick...or...y, dock. The...mmmmmm...." Ellie's fingertip followed the letters as she struggled to say the word. 

"Go ahead, sound it out," Abbey instructed. She sat against the headboard, one arm wrapped around Ellie to keep her close while the other hand held the book in front of them.

"Mouse!" She smiled proudly.

"I know you have it memorized, but don't rely on your memory. Sound it out."

Ellie sucked in the momentary enthusiasm and continued. "Mmmmmooo..."

"Not ooo. There's a 'u' after the 'o.'"

"Mmmmooouuse?" The little girl looked up at her mother, a look of confusion and curiosity colliding in her reserved expression.

Abbey nodded. "That's right."

"Mouse!" Ellie excitedly declared, squirming slightly until Abbey caught her attention once again.

"The mouse..." She pointed to the next word and waited for Ellie to read.

"Ran up the cllll...ock. The clock str...uck...?" 

"One..." 

"One," Ellie repeated. "The mmmoouse ran down. Hick...or...y, dick...ory, dock." She stared at Abbey for confirmation before she dropped the book from her grasp. 

"That was very good, Ellie. I'm impressed."

"Lizzie's been helping me."

"She has?"

"Every night."

Though she was grateful for Lizzie's help, that revelation only reminded Abbey of yet another broken promise - the promise she had made to Ellie the night before Zoey's birth, a promise to help her learn how to read. 

Inhaling a somber breath, she collected the books and set them on the nightstand. "Okay, now that we've read all four stories, it's time to go to sleep." 

"Will you stay with me all night?"

"Well, I'm going to step out to talk to your dad for a few minutes when he gets back, but I'll stay with you until you fall asleep and I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Okay." 

"Have I told you how proud I am of you? You were wonderful at the show tonight."

"I was a little scared." If she had to be completely honest, she'd admit that she was more than just a little scared. When the auditorium began to fill, her stomach ached with the pain of anxiety and the only thing that saved her from quitting the pageant was the knowledge that her parents were cheering her on in the front row. Determined to make them happy, she swallowed her fears and persevered. 

"We all get scared, Sweetheart. But you did it. You went out there and did what you've been rehearsing for so long with Mr. Chappelle. You were a wonderful Mary. Have I told you that?"

"Uh huh. Ten times."

Abbey lifted the blanket to allow Ellie the room to wiggle into a comfortable position. She lowered the covers on top of her and leaned down to drop a kiss onto her forehead. "Then this makes eleven. I'm very, very proud of you and I love you."

"I love you too." Ellie rolled onto her back, her head turned to the side towards her mother as she closed her eyes.

The five-year-old was so exhausted, she fell asleep almost instantly. Abbey laid down beside her and continued to stroke her hair while she watched the little girl's chest rise and fall in a calm, steady rhythm. Tucking her daughter in at night was something she had sorely missed over the past three weeks. Night after night, she sat in an uncomfortable chair in the NICU, her eyes fixated on Zoey's small fragile form and her mind racing with thoughts of all three of her girls. 

Sometimes, when positive thoughts eroded the veil of despair that clouded her thinking, she could muster up the strength to believe in her faith. It was during those times that she'd tearfully pray that Ellie and Liz were well taken care of, that they would understand why she wasn't with them and that they'd forgive her absence and remember her love.

Maybe it was too much to wish for, Abbey now realized. All the repeated vows she made to ease Ellie's insecurities, the pledge she made at Thanksgiving, promising Ellie that she'd only be gone a couple of days to give birth to the new baby, all the stories and reassurances had been worthless. Jed was right. Zoey was receiving all her attention while Liz and Ellie were absently cast aside. It was a bitter realization, soured with a strong mix of guilt and shame. 

She extended her elbow and rolled onto her back, her concentration monopolized by regret. The sound of seconds ticking by on the wall clock mingled with her inability to fall asleep, becoming louder, more hallow as time passed. Nearly an hour later, the creaking of the front door jarred her out of her spell and she instantly rose to her feet.

Turning the corner down the hall and into the living room, she saw him. Jed looked tired and sullen standing in the foyer with an ambiguous stare pointed directly at her. He took a few steps towards the living room as he unzipped his forest green jacket and let it drop off his shoulders and onto his hands. He carelessly threw it on a chair, his eyes never leaving hers. 

With a good ten feet between them, she simply watched. 

"I never blamed you for Zoey," he finally said, a slight edge to his voice. "I need you to know that. It's important to me that you know that, that you believe it."

"Thank you for telling me." He didn't know it at the time, but his adamant affirmation loosened her protective hold over her emotions. He had broken the ice and for the first time that night, she felt like they were on their way to a productive discussion, one that would end in mutual understanding, not a heated argument.

"I should have told you sooner." His lower lip curled under his top one and with an exasperated sigh, he collapsed onto the sofa cushion and hunched over to untie his laces. 

"You didn't know. I just assumed you held me responsible and I never told you. I never even asked. I guess that's just something else I kept from you." She lowered her head as she sank onto the cushion of the love seat directly across from him.

"You assumed wrong."

"I've been trying to think of what to say to you all night. I wish there was something I could say to make everything okay again, some magic word to fix things."

"This isn't magic, Abbey. We have some real issues."

"I know," she insisted almost defensively. "I know we do. I just don't know where to start." 

After slipping out of his shoes, Jed leaned forward so that his arms rested comfortably on his thighs and his hands hung off his knees, his fingers clasped. He lifted his head up to look at his wife. "I don't either."

At least he was honest. He took the first step. She'd have to take the next. "When I didn't tell you I was having pain when I was pregnant, it was a mistake. Just a stupid mistake. There was no planning or forethought, no conscious choice to leave you in the dark. It was an impulsive and senseless mistake."

"I kind of figured. But Frank Crews..."

"That was different. That was about so much more."

"What was it about?"

"Control," she answered definitively. "As soon as my feet left the ground the night Frankie came after me, I wasn't in control, and, to this day, I can't get rid of that feeling. It haunts me all the time. Even after the attack, I found myself so dependent on my parents and you to help me heal both physically and emotionally, to teach me about a life I didn't even know. Our life. He shattered my independence and every time I think of him, I keep picturing that victim he created."

"You're not a victim. We've both been tossing that word around so carelessly. You're not a victim, Abbey. You're a survivor."

"That's not how I see myself anymore. Most of the time, I'm still his victim. But when I told Mike that I didn't want to testify, for the first time, I felt like I had some control over the situation, as if it was completely up to me, what I wanted...and the last thing I wanted was to get up on that witness stand."

"Because you didn't think you'd win."

"I didn't want to take the chance. I thought about it while I talked to Mike and I made a somewhat impulsive decision."

"Impulsive." He merely repeated the word without a hint of emotion.

"Impulsive in that I didn't take days to agonize over what to do. I knew what I wanted to do. And once it was done, I tried to tell you about it, but I was afraid you'd make me regret that decision. I didn't want to fight with you. Things had been so tense between us and I figured they'd just get worse, so I kept putting it off. I foolishly excluded you and instead of hearing it from me, you found out in court. I know that hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry, Jed."

Jed stood up to approach her, but circled in an erratic path before he sat down. It was as if he wasn't sure exactly how to reach out to her, how to touch her and make things better. Instead, he hovered above her, his arms folded in front of his chest and his eyes now focused on the coffee table between them.

"When I was a little boy, there was this woman, one of our neighbors. Her name was Mrs. Prescott. Every day, I'd ride my bike in front of her house and every day, she'd wave to me from her front porch, say hello, ask how I was. Until one day, she wasn't there. She didn't show up. I went back later that afternoon and she still wasn't there. And then the next day, she wasn't there."

"What happened to her?"

"I didn't know at first. But then, about a week later, she came to our house one night. My mother quickly ushered her inside and sent me and my brother to our rooms. We went, but before I disappeared upstairs, I looked at Mrs. Prescott's face. I noticed the faint bruises around her eyes and her lips. Even her cheekbones were discolored. I knew someone had hit her."

"Who?"

"Her husband. I remember it so well because my mother took me aside when I started asking questions the next day. She told me to take it as a lesson, that a decent man would never, ever hurt a woman."

Abbey smiled sweetly, picturing a young Jed heeding his mother's words. "I always knew she was the reason you turned out the way you did."

"Well, my father, with all his faults, never laid a hand on her."

That hardly made him a saint, Abbey thought to herself. Hitting a child the way John Bartlet hit his son was worse in many ways, but she was unwilling to take away one of the few good thoughts Jed had about his father, so she simply bit her tongue and nodded. "Go on."

"Anyway, Mrs. Prescott didn't press charges and she didn't leave the bastard. I couldn't understand why. Even as a kid, I assumed that if a wife was beaten by her husband, she would leave. She would leave and she'd let the law take care of the rest."

"So why didn't she?"

"Mom explained to me that Mrs. Prescott didn't think she could leave. She didn't have a dime to her name and no one to defend her. She told me that women fight back when they can. But sometimes, they can't because fighting back means they'll prolong a battle they'll lose in the end. That's what she predicted. That's what they both predicted. Before Mrs. Prescott ever filed a police report or talked to anyone, they predicted she'd lose. And that's when I realized."

"What?"

"That women aren't weak. They don't whither away into oblivion." He looked at Abbey for the first time since he began the story as if he was now talking directly to her. "Men just hope they do."

She remained silent for a moment, the obvious question lingering in her mind as she contemplated whether or not she wanted to hear his answer. "Do you think I'm weak?"

Without a moment's hesitation, Jed shook his head. "I think you're the strongest person I've ever met. That's how I know that there's something wrong. If our judicial system could break you, of all people, then it's got some serious problems."

"It didn't break me."

"What I mean..."

"I weighed the options and made an informed decision."

"I know. You didn't let him get away with this. See, one of the things that occurred to me while I was out is that you ensured a conviction. It's a watered-down conviction, yes, but it's a conviction."

"In a perfect world, we could bring him to trial to face a jury of his peers and be punished for what he did, EVERYTHING he did..."

"...but this isn't a perfect world," Jed interjected. He said it with the same sensitivity and sorrow that laced his voice each and every time he was forced to take off his rose-colored glasses and view the reality in front of him. He had such faith in the judicial process. What's wrong is wrong and what's right is right. That's the way this should have worked. But he was now seeing a different kind of justice, one embroiled in legal maneuvers and negotiations designed to bribe a criminal with the promise of minimal punishment.

"No, it isn't."

"You were right. His defense attorney would play up your repressed memories and the way you finally remembered his face and the chance exists that he'd get away with everything."

"That's why I did what I did."

"What I'm trying to say is I understand that now."

"You're not angry?"

"Oh, I'm still angry. I'm angry that you couldn't go to trial. I'm angry that a victim can be led to believe that she's just prolonging a battle she'll end up losing. I'm angry at the system, not at you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I'm going to do something about it as soon as the legislative session starts."

The familiar spark was back in his voice. So bold, so determined, Abbey knew that Jed actually could change things. "I have no doubt that you will." 

"The CAW isn't enough. When the new session starts, I'm going to work on stronger legislation."

She slid her legs off the cushion and stood to face him, her hands extended, ready to take his. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied as he entangled their fingers. "I just want you to remember that we're in this together, no matter what."

"I know. I won't keep things like this from you ever again." She wrapped her arms around his midsection as he raised his to cover her upper back.

"I just hate feeling so detached from you. Maybe I should have said something about Zoey and the doctors before this Frank Crews thing came up, but there was so much tension between us. I didn't want to make it worse." 

"That's how I felt too."

After holding her tight for several minutes, Jed pulled away just far enough so he could lift her chin. "That reminds me. What I said about Zoey keeping you away from the girls..."

Abbey immediately cut him off. "It's okay. You were right."

"I was?"

"Ellie and I talked about some things and it was awfully clear that you hit that one right on the mark. And Liz...she didn't even want to talk. I'm pretty sure she's mad at me."

"I'll talk to her."

"No. I'll approach her again tomorrow."

His palms curved to gently massage them, Jed lowered his hands to Abbey's shoulders and spun her around as he guided her towards the sofa. "Is that why you didn't go to the hospital tonight?"

She nodded. "I'll go back after breakfast."

"That's where I was - at the hospital." 

"How is she?"

"She's good. Patti's on the night shift tonight so she's in safe, capable hands."

"Good." Very well then. That should be the end of it, Abbey hoped. But deep down, she knew better. She squirmed uncomfortably in anticipation and as soon as she turned away, Jed grabbed her arm.

"It's not your fault."

"Jed..."

"It's not. I meant what I said. I don't blame you." 

She believed him. She really did. But no one, not even Jed could rid her of the blame she had already inflicted on herself. "I love you for that, but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that I handled it so poorly."

"Handled what?"

Abbey turned into his hold, facing him as she prepared to answer. "The pregnancy, I was so thoughtless and irresponsible."

"What are you talking about?"

"I knew I was underweight and I did nothing about it. I knew I had more pain than I did with Liz and Ellie and I didn't say a word." She wanted to recover from the break in her voice, but her eyes were now shiny with a fresh coat of tears. It was too late to hide it.

"Abbey, you could have been OVERweight and if she had would have been born this early, it wouldn't have mattered."

"It might have. Every ounce makes a difference."

Jed framed her face with his delicate hands. The compassion flowing from his eyes pierced directly into hers and she suddenly stopped moving. "It wouldn't have mattered. None of this is your fault."

Then, like a punch to the stomach, it hit her. The feeling she had been trying to deny, the one provoked by a thought so sickening, so repulsive that every time it occurred to her, it caused her to gasp through a wave of nausea as she tried to claw her way out of a narrow tunnel closing around her. She had never dared to say it out loud. Not until now. 

"I wanted a boy," she confessed in a remorseful, low-pitched whisper that Jed barely heard. He looked at her, his brows creasing as he mentally replayed the admission. 

"What?"

"I thought we were having a boy and when you told me it was a girl, I was...for a minute...I was disappointed." Divulging the secret she had kept so safely guarded stirred the crippling pain embedded inside her and allowed her to finally release the threatening sob she had managed to keep at bay. "When you told me, my first thought was that I didn't want another girl. I HATE myself for that." 

"Oh, Abbey."

"I love her so much, Jed. How could I EVER have wanted anyone but her?" 

Jed pulled her into another embrace, comforting her with loving strokes down the length of her hair and onto her back as she wept on his shoulder. "I know you do. You fought so hard for her the day she was born."

"It wasn't enough." She emphatically shook her head against his hold, so distraught that he wasn't sure anything could calm her.

"Shhh. Abbey, honey, she's getting stronger every day. She's going to pull through this. Just wait and see." He backed away from her and took her face in his hands once again. This time, he swiped his thumb under her eye to dry the tears just as fast as they came. "Don't do this to yourself."

"If she doesn't make it..."

"Stop. She will make it. She's growing, right? She's growing and she's wiggling a lot now. When you first had her, she was perfectly still. Remember?"

Abbey reached up to her cheeks to feel his hand against her skin. "She is moving a lot. And she's gaining weight."

"Yes, she is. Patti said tonight that we may even get to hold her soon." Jed let go as he gingerly took a tissue to the residual moisture on her face.

"Do you really think she's going to be okay?"

In his soul, Jed believed their baby girl would survive, but a tiny morsel of doubt gnawed at his brain. He was torn between offering her instant comfort, possibly giving her false hope in the process, and reminding her that, scientifically, he couldn't anticipate Zoey's recovery.

Before he answered, he glanced at the desperation on her face. The doctor in Abbey knew the pitfalls of medical science. She knew that nothing was for certain. What she needed now, what she was really asking, was his heartfelt opinion, most likely derived from the part of him that remained faithful to his religion. 

"I really think she's going to be okay." He said it slowly, taking a deliberate breath after every single word.

Abbey acknowledged his tender delivery and curled up against his chest as she softened her body and relaxed her muscles. "I think so too."

"Abbey?"

"Yeah?"

"Earlier, when I mentioned your appearance..."

"It's okay."

"No, it isn't because it wasn't about the way you look. You're incredibly beautiful, Abbey. I love the way you look. I've always loved the way you look. But I am worried about you."

"I know." Neglecting herself wasn't a conscious choice. Countless hours in a hospital NICU with nothing but stress feeding the adrenaline that coursed through her veins had taken its toll. She wouldn't eat because she wasn't hungry. She couldn't sleep because a restful slumber wasn't a possibility. She denied it to herself, but it all caught up to her as soon as Jed noticed.

"You have to start taking care of yourself, eating regularly, sleeping. You have to keep yourself healthy so that we can both take care of Zoey when she comes home."

"I am healthy." A weak and futile argument even in her opinion, but if there was any hope of stifling the lecture churning inside Jed, she had to make it.

"No, you're not."

Her hand rested against his chest to prop herself back as she gazed up at him. "I'm unhealthy?"

"You don't eat anything. You barely sleep. Yeah, you're unhealthy."

"And how many cigarettes have you had today?"

"We're not talking about my smoking. We're talking about you."

"And how I'm unhealthy?"

"Yes."

"Who's the MD in this family?"

"Truthfully? It's hard to tell sometimes." His serious expression gave way to a gentle smile. "I want my girl back, just as tenacious and energetic as she was before. Assertive yet endearing, fiercely aggressive yet infinitely forgiving."

The twinkle in his eye and the sweet smirk on his face when he winked at her only solidified his passion. She couldn't exactly deny his point, nor did she want to. 

"I'll take better care of myself if you quit punching walls." His eyes followed hers to the bruises that marked his knuckles with evidence of his earlier outburst in court. She raised his hands to her lips and softly kissed them.

"That's a pretty safe deal." They sat quietly for the next few minutes, their hands still joined and both staring straight ahead. "I could make you an itinerary."

"An itinerary?" Surely, he was kidding.

"Yeah. You know, mapping out when you should be eating, what time you should be sleeping, etcetera."

With a raised brow, Abbey cocked her head to his side. "What?"

"Should I? Should I make you a schedule?

"Only if you're delusional enough to think I'd follow it."

"There's always hope that you'll eventually reach the conclusion that I know what's best." He was nothing if not transparent. His beaming arrogance was just a cover. 

"Jackass," she muttered as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"That's it. That's what I wanted." He leaned down to steal a kiss. "Now I know I have my girl back."

 

TBC


	22. Phoenix

"SON OF A - " Abbey winced at the pain, hopping on her right foot while trying desperately to tighten her grip on her left. She squeezed the toe with all her might as if it would take away the throbbing ache and stifle the erratic scream itching to escape her lungs. 

She knew she should have worn her shoes and if only they hadn't made so much noise when gliding across the carpet, she would have. But she opted for a quieter approach, a soundless attempt to arrange the Christmas gifts just as the real Santa Claus would - without waking a soul. 

So much for that. 

Her entire body had tensed with a violent jolt when her foot slammed right into the side of a large, square-shaped gift. A crystal salad bowl, she guessed, based on its side, its weight, and its ability to produce a significant amount of pain to a defenseless little toe. 

The initial high-pitched squeal penetrated the walls and echoed down the hall. Jed immediately stirred under the covers. Throwing the blanket aside and sitting up, his feet automatically slipped into his slippers as his hand reached for his robe. He cautiously walked out of the bedroom, his arms still searching for the holes in his sleeves. 

He poked his head around the corner, but saw no one. He looked towards Ellie and Lizzie's rooms and the study which had been turned into a guest bedroom for Abbey's parents, and still, he didn't see or hear anything. His eyes wandered back to the corner of the living room, the area where garland and ornaments decorated a six-foot Christmas Tree. Underneath, the line of presents had expanded considerably. 

"Abbey's home," he whispered to himself as his lips curved into a sly grin. 

The faint sound of her rummaging around in the bathroom put his mind at ease and he glanced at the plate of oatmeal cookies and tall glass of milk she had left on the counter. He reached for a cookie and brought it to his mouth, a tiny corner nestled between his lips as he took his first bite.

"Put it down." That familiar sultry voice vibrated in the air. She stood behind him, agitated and unamused.

Jed dropped the rest of the cookie onto the plate as he turned to face her. "I already ate the cookies and milk the girls left for Santa, so what's this?"

"A little treat I prepared for myself." She limped around him, heading to the kitchen. He followed.

"What happened to your leg?"

"Not my leg. My toe," Abbey replied as they both took a seat at the table. "I stubbed it on that salad bowl my parents bought us. Damn near took the nail off. I had to wrap it with a wet paper towel just to stop the bleeding."

"Oh, God, Abbey, I'm sor..." He stopped abruptly, the grin now returning to his face. "...how do you know it's a salad bowl?"

There was no verbal response. She just stared at him the way she always did to remind him of the uncanny instincts she had, the ones he eventually came to accept, without question, to avoid further confusion. "Anyway, these are my cookies." 

She pulled the plate from out of his reach, but he grabbed the glass of milk before she could get to it. "That's fine. It's my milk."

"I poured that milk."

"You POURED that milk? That's how stingy we've gotten now?" 

"Yes," she teased as she took a bite of her cookie. "So what are you doing anyway?"

"I heard a sound. I assume it was you screaming in pain."

"Good assumption." 

Jed graciously pushed the glass in her direction, smiling when she reciprocated by breaking off half of her cookie and sharing it with him. "I see you've added some gifts to the pile."

"Yeah. I bought a few more things for the girls the last couple of days."

"I already bought the girls all their gifts. I bought everything on the list."

"I wanted some extras."

"Like what?" He took the glass out of her hand, clenching it in his grip and absently twirling it after pushing the rim of the vessel against his lips. 

"I bought Lizzie the bra she wanted."

"Abbey!" He seemed to age right before her. His eyes grayed and his undetectable wrinkles suddenly appeared in tiny creases across his forehead. 

She took a second to savor that adorable look of panic before responding. "The pink one, Jed. Not the padded one."

"Oh. Okay, then." Even his nonchalant tone didn't mask the intensity of the emotions she sparked with that little revelation. He stood up then and approached the top shelf of the pantry.

"What are you doing?" Her brow raised, she shot him an incredulous glare as he held up an unopened package of cookies. "Oreos?"

"I don't like oatmeal."

"Oatmeal is good."

"It's Christmas, Abbey. I want to tantalize my taste buds with a little more than rolled oats." 

Truthfully, those Oreos looked good to her too. She waved her finger to welcome him back and before he even took his seat, she clawed at the package, gasping in shock when he turned away from her. "Hey!"

"What happened to 'oatmeal is good'?"

"It is when there's nothing else around, but since you went to the trouble..."

"Uh uh. You insulted the wonder that is the Oreo. You don't get rewarded for that."

"I questioned you for wanting one. That's not exactly insulting the Oreo."

"Semantics, My Dear." He pulled them away from her wandering fingers as he opened the plastic and helped himself. "So the girls were a little upset that you didn't meet us for church tonight."

It was more of a question than a statement, asked delicately to avoid a hint of judgment or disapproval. The distance that Abbey created between herself and her faith right after her attack had broadened since Zoey's birth.

"I'm sorry they were upset. I'll talk to them."

"They'll be fine. They're thrilled you've been spending so much time with them the past few days." He twisted the top of the chocolate cookie, keeping the plain side for himself and handing her the creamy half. She accepted with a grateful grin.

"I'm thrilled to be spending so much time with them." Finally, she had started to find the tenuous balance in her devotion to her three daughters. "Which reminds me..." 

"You know what?" Jed leapt to his feet to retrieve a small gift-wrapped box from under the tree. "I want to give you this tonight."

"On Christmas Eve? You never let me open presents on Christmas Eve."

"It's five a.m., Sweet Knees. Technically, it's Christmas." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek as he slipped the gift into her hand. "Besides, this is something I wanted to give you in private. The other gifts you'll open in the morning."

Attentively listening to hear the jingles inside, Abbey shook the box. "It's the diamond bracelet."

Her strong declaration wiped the smirk right off Jed's face. "It is not!"

"Jed, I know about the diamond bracelet you hid in the dresser drawer."

He was reminded of his conversation with Ellie three weeks earlier, when she, too, admitted knowing about the bracelet. Of all the things for his middle daughter to inherit from her mother, it had to be her nosiness. "That bracelet's going back to the store this weekend."

His indignation only fueled her mischievous laugh as her fingers worked around the tape to tear open the present. Inside the paper sat a small velvet box - red with gold trim, dotted with flecks of gold across the exterior. She lifted the top and gasped at the lovely sight. "Oh my God." 

"You know what it is?"

"I have no idea," she admitted, shaking her head while holding up the sterling silver-chained necklace. A small white oval-shaped gem hung from the middle, shining with a myriad of colors designed to sparkle when it caught the light. On the left side was another tiny stone, this one bluish green, outlined in matching silver. And on the right, yet another one - a lighter blue, almost transparent. All three were entangled perfectly, set inside a pendant resembling a three-leaf clover. 

"This one here," he pointed to the middle stone, the shiniest of the three. "This is October's birthstone. It's an Opal for Ellie. This one," he held the left gem between his fingers. "It's the color of sea water, Aquamarine, the stone for March and for Lizzie. And finally," he began as he moved to the only one left. "This is for December. It's a Blue Topaz for our youngest little angel, Zoey."

"You had this made?"

Jed nodded as he took it from her grasp. "Let me."

He draped the chain around her neck and clasped it in the back. Abbey's hands fell to the front where she protectively curled her palm around all three gems. "It's beautiful."

Any attempt to compose herself proved to be a fruitless effort. Gales of tears clouded her vision as she stammered and stuttered, searching for the perfect word of thanks, yet knowing there was no such thing. "I don't know what to say."

He lifted her chin with his finger and grazed her lips with a kiss. "No need to say anything."

"You always come up with the most beautiful presents."

"I try."

"You succeed. I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Abbey. And I'm so grateful to you for giving me three beautiful daughters whom I love with all my heart."

Their lips met again. This time, Abbey pressed her mouth to his, holding him in her arms and stroking his back while standing on the tips of her toes for the perfect angle. After they parted, she ran her thumb over his face to wipe away the streak of lipstick that smudged his lips. "Sorry."

"No problem. Lizzie's been practicing making me up. I'd make a pretty good-looking female if I do say so myself."

"Wouldn't surprise me a bit." Abbey's chuckle soon ended as she donned a more serious expression. "Jed, speaking of the girls...I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"What do you think of us taking Liz and Ellie to the hospital to see Zoey?" 

"Really?" 

"They should get to meet her. You've been saying that all along. Do you still think it's a good idea?"

"Yeah." He cupped his hand around her waist and pulled her into a hug. "I do. I really do."

Zoey had been growing at an agonizingly slow, yet steady pace. The doctors had recently moved her from the infant warmer to an enclosed incubator, an indication that her condition was gradually improving. The enormous crowd of tubes and machines and monitors responsible for detecting the slightest glitch in her recovery seemed to dwindle every few days. She was breathing on her own now so the ventilator was no longer needed. From time to time, she would squirm around her bed, look up at every visitor, and even coo as her only form of friendly expression. 

She still had a long way to go before they could take out the IVs, discontinue the phototherapy used to treat her short bouts of jaundice, and discard the feeding tube put in as a precaution to ensure she'd receive all her calories for the day. But with a hopeful prognosis, Abbey realized there was no harm in being introduced to her big sisters.

The Bartlets made their way up to the NICU lobby on Christmas afternoon, Abbey's parents, James and Mary, accompanying them. Apprehensively, Liz and Ellie approached their father and glanced through the window as he pointed out their sister's incubator.

"That's her?" Lizzie's face instantly crinkled as she saw the infant wiggling helplessly. "She's so small." 

"They're all small," Ellie replied as Jed picked her up so she could reach the glass. 

"But they're not supposed to be. You were a lot bigger."

"I was?" she asked her father.

"Yeah, Sweetheart, you were."

"How come she's so small then?"

Abbey stroked the five-year-old's bangs off her forehead. "Babies stay in their Mommy's belly until they're big and strong and ready to come out. You were born a whole week after you should have been. Zoey wasn't. She was born too early."

"How come she came out if she wasn't ready?"

"That sometimes happens, Princess. Babies can't control it...and neither can their mothers," Jed answered as he lowered Ellie to the ground and stared at Abbey. Even the most simple words presented an opportunity for him to reinforce the fact that Zoey's premature birth wasn't her fault. 

Abbey appreciatively stared back, her eyes beaming with gratitude for such a considerate husband. After several silent seconds passed between the two, she addressed her family. "Okay, how are we going to do this? We can't all go in at once."

"Why not?"

"They have to limit the number of visitors because they have to keep it quiet." James took his place in front of Abbey and proudly turned his attention to his newborn granddaughter. "Abbey, you and Jed take the girls. Your mother and I will wait."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Mary replied. "You take your time."

Jed looked at his two older daughters as Abbey picked up the wall phone to gain entry to the secured nursery. "So who wants to go first?"

"Ellie can go." Amazed by the size of the tiny infants, Lizzie couldn't peel herself away from the window. "I'll wait here with Daddy."

"Okay, Goldilocks. Are you ready?" Abbey took Ellie's hand and guided her through the double doors that led to the sink. 

Ellie snapped her head from side to side as she took in her surroundings. Beyond the doors in front of them was a room she was sure would frighten her. Never had she seen so many machines or heard the echo of so many monitors beeping at independent intervals. It was overwhelming for the young girl as her mother spun her around to direct her to the footstool. She took a step up and began to wash her hands, the rough, antibacterial soap producing suds that burned between her palms.

"Mommy, it hurts."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. It's going to kill all the germs though so none of the babies get sick."

Ellie held her arms straight up, just as her mother taught her, and waited for Abbey to cover her hands with a pair of gloves. Next, she wrapped her in a blue gown, tying the strings around her neck and her back. She repeated the procedure on herself, then led Ellie through another set of doors that led to the nursery.

"Abbey!" Nurse Patti practically ran towards the pair. "I just tried to call you!"

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" Abbey frantically picked up her pace towards Zoey's incubator.

"She's great! In fact, she's better than great." Patti rested her hand on Abbey's arm, instantly calming her before she continued. "How would you like to hold your baby girl?" 

It took a few seconds for Abbey to catch her breath and fully digest what Patti was saying. Her eyes widened and her brows shot up to reveal a couple wrinkles of her own. "Really?" 

It was her dream come true. Since the moment Zoey was whisked out of the delivery room, no one had been permitted to hold her. Jed and Abbey were forced to settle for only occasional touches while they longed for the day when their daughter could finally be held.

From his perch on a chair in the lobby, Jed watched Patti pick up the underweight baby and twist the IVs and cords around her frame to easily place her in Abbey's arms. His own eyes began to tingle with tears as he bit down on his lower lip. 

The three-week-old baby struggled to gain control over her moving limbs by squirming to loosen her mother's firm grip. But that wasn't going to happen. So soft and vulnerable, weak and lethargic, Zoey basically lay helpless against Abbey's delicately adequate hold. Abbey smiled a smile so exuberant that it rippled infectiously through the faces of her loved ones as she held the infant up towards the window, taking notice of the way Jed had pressed himself against the glass.

"Patti, can they...please? We'll be quiet."

Patti had worked the NICU for more than five years. She knew the rules and usually, she followed them meticulously. But every once in a while, she was faced with a dilemma that nipped at the mother beneath the nursing scrubs, the part of her that could surrender to the emotions of others, cry with them in their anguish and celebrate with them in their joy.

"They'll have to scrub in and they can only stay for a few minutes," she adamantly warned.

"Thank you!" Abbey grasped Zoey's slippery little body and nodded at her husband, a gesture he immediately understood.

Jed, Lizzie, James, and Mary disappeared into the scrub station for several minutes then followed the trail to the nursery. As Lizzie led the group, Jed lagged behind the others. His body trembled. His feet stumbled. His entire demeanor had nearly crumpled into a quivering mass of nervousness. 

"Really?" he asked his wife, still caught in a wave of disbelief. 

Abbey tilted her head to the side as she gently slid the baby into the cradled cocoon Jed had formed with his arms. "Really."

"Oh God. She's still so light. Hey, Zoey." Jed called her name in a soft, soothing voice. He caught her attention and sighed in relief as her beautiful green eyes gazed up at him. 

"Hi, Zoey," Liz added, pulling on her father's waist to get a better look at her sister. There were only a few strands of light baby fine hair that covered her head. She may have inherited her mother's eyes, but those gorgeous long lashes were the same ones Lizzie inherited from Jed. "She's so pretty."

"Zoey, that's your sister, Lizzie. And over there, that's Ellie. And your grandparents, they're here too." He shifted her tiny frame in his arms so everyone could get a good look. 

Ellie speechlessly admired the scene standing next to her mother. All this time, her insecurities had pushed to her to the brink of tears, but now, she truly understood what was happening. There was nothing the least bit threatening about a baby so small and innocent. It was a brand new feeling for the youngster. She had been born into a family she loved from birth, but she never imagined the introduction of a new human being into her life could stir so much affection. Her heart was racing with a powerful urge to hug the baby. 

"Mommy?" 

"Go on, Sweetheart." Abbey encouraged her with a soft shove as Jed kneeled to her level.

"Smile for Ellie, Zo." 

"She's not smiling."

"I don't think she can yet, Baby. We have to give her a few more weeks." Abbey lifted Jed to his feet and reached for Zoey. "Okay, my turn again."

"Do the needles hurt her?" Concerned, Ellie looked over the web of IVs poking her sister's fragile flesh. 

"I doubt she can feel much pain," Jed answered. "The doctors and nurses are doing what they can to make her as comfortable as possible."

Zoey's eyes erratically shifted from person to person. Her lashes fluttered and her pink, puckered lips withdrew into an involuntary frown across her face. A screeched sob followed instantly as she stretched her little fingers so stiffly, they began to shake against her will. Abbey rocked her back and forth in an even rhythm as Jed stroked her bare belly with his thumb.

"She's probably scared of all these people." Lizzie joined her father, gently touching her hand to Zoey's face to stop her crying. "It's okay, Zoey. We won't hurt you."

Standing back, away from the others, Ellie's voice barely carried as a whisper. In fact, no one even heard her sweet tone filling up the cramped space by Zoey's bed until Zoey's tantrum faded into light whimpers in response to her singing. 

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird. If that mocking bird don't sing, Mommy's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

All of a sudden, all eyes were on Ellie. The shy little girl retreated inside herself and leaned back against the wall. Her hands were clasped in front of her and shoulders heaved forward to shield her from the intruding stares. 

"It's okay, Ellie," Mary assured her. "Keep going. She likes it."

"She does, Sweetie." Jed grabbed her forearm to pull her towards the crowd. "Keep singing."

Ellie began again slowly. Quietly. The lyrics dragged in some places and were cut abruptly short in others. "If that...diamond ring turns brass, Mommy's...gonna buy you a looking glass." It was as if she was embarrassed to continue. 

"And if that looking glass gets broke..." Abbey waved her along as she joined in to put her at ease.

"Mommy's gonna buy you a billy goat. If that billy goat won't pull, Mommy's gonna buy you a cart and bull..."

With her eyes fixated on Ellie's mouth, it was obvious Zoey was mesmerized by her sister's song. She listened closely, hypnotically, not a single sound escaping her lips as she waited for Ellie to finish. 

TBC


	23. Phoenix

Lizzie poked her baby blue eyes over the top of her menu, a devilish grin accenting her features and her brows wiggling in a familiar pattern, much the same way Jed's did when his mind was lured into mischief. Abbey seemed somewhat oblivious to her oldest daughter's expression. She sat back against her chair and studied the menu items while occasionally stealing a quick glance across the table. 

"Mom?"

"Hmm?" 

"Are you in a good mood?" Her high pitch immediately gave away her motives. Abbey gazed up with pursed lips and a very tight smile, waiting for Liz to continue. 

"What is it?"

"Can I have a burger and fries?" 

"You can have whatever you want," Abbey answered with a laugh. "Under one condition..."

Annoyed, Liz folded her arms in front of her. She should have known it wouldn't be as easy as she hoped. "What?" 

"You eat the vegetable casserole I'm making for dinner without complaint. Deal?"

The eleven-year-old squinted her eyes and pressed her finger to her chin as she mulled over the compromise. Vegetable casserole certainly wasn't her favorite dish, but she realized she'd probably have to eat a little of it anyway regardless. Reluctantly, she agreed. "Deal." 

"Then you may have whatever you want for lunch." 

"I had fun today!" Smiling triumphantly, Lizzie sipped her soda while she kept her eyes on her mother. Just as she expected, Abbey straightened her back and leaned over the table, her deep engagement convincing Liz that her simple words warmed Abbey's heart.

"Good." 

"I didn't expect you to buy me so many new clothes since Christmas was only two weeks ago."

"I purposely set aside some money for an after-Christmas shopping trip because I figured you'd want to pick out some of your own sweaters."

"You usually pick them out for me. How come you wanted me to do it this time?"

"Because your body is changing and I thought you'd want to try stuff on to see what looks best." Now it was Abbey's turn to watch as Liz's excitement burst through her formerly reserved demeanor. Her brows rose to the middle of her forehead and her lips curved into such an enthusiastic grin that it narrowed her twinkling eyes. 

"Really?" She stared down at her chest. "You notice it?" 

"I do."

"No one else does."

"No one else is your mother. I've seen you ever single day since the day you were born, Lizzie. I notice these things."

"Daddy doesn't."

"Daddy doesn't want to." Abbey remembered the conversation between Jed and herself the night before. His stubborn reluctance dominated the discussion as he tried desperately to bottle his memories of the little girl. 

"How come?"

"Parents are like that. We're weird about our babies." 

"Even you?"

"Even me," she answered, reminding herself that Jed wasn't the only person whose eyes were frequently covered with a fresh layer of mist at the thought of Lizzie growing up. It wasn't just that she was on the brink of puberty. It was what was coming afterwards on her journey towards adolescence and adulthood that saddened them both. "You're growing up so fast. I feel like it was just yesterday you were this wobbly toddler barely able to stand on your own."

"But it wasn't yesterday."

"That's how it feels to me, Baby Doll."

"Were your parents like that?"

"Yeah, they were. Especially my father. He was just like yours as a matter of fact."

"But Daddy's parents weren't like that, were they?"

"I'm sure they were. Why would you think they weren't?"

"Because Dad and Grandfather hate each other." After the impulsive slip of the tongue, Lizzie lowered her head. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Sweetie, but who told you they hate one another?" Jed purposely shielded his daughters from the animosity between him and his father. In fact, the subject of John Bartlet hadn't even come up in front of the girls in the past several years.

"Uncle Jack. When he was here visiting last week, he talked to Grandfather on the phone. He said he had to talk to Daddy about inviting him over, but that Daddy probably would say no because they hate each other." 

"Your father doesn't hate your grandfather, Lizzie. They don't always get along, but they don't hate each other." 

Perhaps Abbey's opinion was colored by her own idealistic childhood, but she truly believed that hatred wasn't an emotion that came close to defining the complicated relationship between Jed and his father. Resentment and anger had given birth to belligerent hostility that had grown over time, nurtured by John's insecurities and Jed's need for paternal acceptance. But despite the constant conflicts that emerged, a small seed of something survived the turbulence to reunite them every once in a while. It certainly wasn't the normal kind of love that develops between a parent and a child, but she was hesitant to call it hate. 

Abbey had never been a fan of John's. Her stomach churned at the thought that a man who was supposed to be her husband's caregiver, his protector during the most vulnerable time in his life, constantly lashed out at him with mental and physical abuse. It was no secret that she was sickened by the fact that even now, Jed's view of himself was so gravely rooted in his father's opinion. If she could, she would have banished John from their lives forever, then heal the years of rejection that scarred Jed's soul. But she couldn't do that. The slim hope that Jed would eventually find the road to reconciliation, a road he had been searching for his entire life, wouldn't allow her to. Instead, she would have to encourage him to follow his heart and pray that, just this once, John wouldn't shatter it into a million broken pieces. 

By the time Lizzie and Abbey returned home that afternoon, the air was thick with the delicious aroma of Mary's homemade tomato sauce. Mary hovered above the steaming pot and stirred while Jed stood next to her, wiping his eyes with one hand and attempting to get a decent grip on the onion he was chopping with the other. 

Seeing his discomfort from dining room, Lizzie ran into the kitchen and retrieved a damn paper towel for her father. "Here you go, Daddy."

"Thanks." He dabbed at his eyes, blinking rapidly to dry the tears.

"Mom bought me a bunch of new clothes!"

"That's great! So go try them on and come show us."

Abbey waited to see Lizzie leave the kitchen and disappear down the hall that led to her bedroom before addressing her husband. "I was going to make vegetable casserole for dinner."

"Which is why I started cooking something else as soon as I got home," he teased. Jed's distaste for vegetable casserole far outweighed his daughter's. 

"Jed wanted to take some of the pressure off of you," Mary added. "We're making smoked salmon and pasta. And if the girls don't like it, we also made spaghetti and meatballs just for them."

"Sounds wonderful." Abbey stepped between them to wash her hands, then turned an inquisitive look to her mother. "Mom, can I take over for a few minutes?" 

"Of course. I'll go see if Lizzie needs any help." 

Once Mary left, Abbey positioned herself directly behind Jed, blocking his frame with hers. "Are you just going to suffer or are you going to ask for my help?" 

Without looking back, he handed her the onion as tears continued to trail down his cheeks. "I can usually do it." 

"How many times have I told you to do this under running water?" Husband and wife switched places, Jed ducking under Abbey's arms as she reached for the faucet.

"Water's for wusses," he choked out, ignoring Abbey's contemptuous stare while drying his eyes. "Are you ready for some good news?"

"I am, but first, I have a question for you." She dropped the onion into a strainer and leaned back against the counter so she could look directly at him. "What's going on with your father?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did he really call when your brother was here?"

Jed nodded and sighed. "Yeah." 

"And I know he's been sending flowers for Zoey. He wants to reconnect?" Another nod. "What are you thinking?"

"That my day was going better before you brought up my father."

Abbey smiled as she gently cupped his chin to raise his head. "I just want you to know that if you want to see him or if you want to invite him over to see the girls or take him to the hospital to visit Zoey, I'm okay with that."

"Yeah? After last time, I didn't think you'd ever let him near the girls again."

"That was six years ago. I know they won't let anyone see Zoey without us there, so I'm not worried that. I still don't want him alone with Liz and Ellie, especially after he tore down Lizzie's confidence the way he did, but as long as one of us is there, it's all right with me." 

"Why are you telling me this?" 

"I don't want you to shut him out because you're worried about my reaction. If you don't want to see him, that's perfectly understandable. But if you start thinking that he's your father and you want to give him another chance, I'll support you 100 percent."

He suddenly felt a warm flush spreading across the top of his cheeks as he grinned at his wife. Her support couldn't calm his tumultuous feelings about his father, but it mentally strengthened his resolve and heightened his desire to mend the fractured relationship that, for reasons beyond his own understanding, was so important to him. 

His face beaming with a rosy glow, he moved closer to her. "Thanks."

"Does this mean you do want to see him?" she asked after he pressed a kiss into her lips.

"I don't know yet. But I'm more likely to think about it now that I know you're by my side." 

"Like you ever doubted it." She nudged him in the chest as she picked up the forgotten onion. 

"It's good to know for sure," he replied with a smirk. "Now, on to more upbeat topics. You want some good news?"

"Please." 

"While you and Lizzie went shopping today, the rest of us went to see Zoey."

"And?" She stopped rinsing to devote her undivided attention to him.

"They let me feed her." His voice was a mixture of laughter and joy. The onion slipped between Abbey's fingers and back into the strainer as she listened. "She's taking a bottle."

A soft squeal escaped her lips, muffled by the raised hands that covered her open mouth. "Really?"

"That's the real reason I started dinner early. As soon as we're finished eating, I want to take you down there for her next feeding." 

"Really?" she asked again.

Abbey placed both hands on his shoulders, searching his eyes for only a few seconds before she jumped into the air and buried herself deep in his embrace. Caught off-guard by her physical reaction, Jed's body stiffened as it fell against the sink when Abbey tightened her hold, wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck. 

"Whoa!"

"I'm sorry." She pulled back to lower herself down, but Jed fought to keep her just where she was, cuddled into his chest with her face sinking into his shoulder.

"I kind of like this."

"Jed, I'm going to break your back. Let me down."

"I'd rather you stay until you hear what else I have to say."

Abbey separated their upper bodies and looked down at him from her elevated perch. "What?"

"Dr. Henson said if she continues to improve the way she has been, we may get to take her home at the end of January."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah!" 

The news hit her like a bucket of cold water splashing over every limb and revitalizing every organ. The adrenaline pumped through her veins, her heart raced, and she exhaled every breath through a shaky undercurrent of nerves. Though Zoey had been growing steadily over the last five weeks, no one had dared to brazenly determine her rate of recovery - until now. The newborn who was once clinging to life with the tips of her tiny fingers was rapidly gaining strength and for the very first time, there was a visible end to the agony that had dominated every hour of every day since the moment she was born. 

Jed supported her weight as Abbey planted a dozen kisses over his entire face. Her fingers sprawled out across his cheeks, curling into her palm as she stroked them when she was done. "That really is the best news in the world!"

TBC


	24. Phoenix

"Lay down on the bed, face up, with your hands above your head."

Jed raised his left brow as he inhaled a shaky breath. Overflowing with love, her emerald orbs stayed on him, inspecting him from head to toe, following every line of his nude body and smiling when his shivers convinced her he had surrendered to the erotic temptations that spurred inside him. 

This wasn't how he thought this night would end. He was the one who was supposed to call the shots. He was the one who was supposed to sweep her off her feet and seduce her into bed. The power was supposed to be relinquished into his hands.

But that isn't what happened. 

Abbey had arrived home only hours earlier, tired and exhausted after a full day at her daughter's hospital bedside while Jed went to work. As soon as she walked into the house, she kicked off her shoes and collapsed on the couch, a sigh escaping her lips as fatigue numbed her limbs, causing her to fall to her side. 

"Hey, you're home!" She predicted Jed's upbeat attitude before he even reached the living room, easily detecting his high-pitched enthusiasm in the way he called out to her. 

"Yeah."

In his hand, he held a large blue box that he immediately handed to her. "Here."

Her head resting on her elbow, she looked up, drawing back her features at the sight of him in a tuxedo. "What's going on?"

"How's Zoey?"

"They took her down for some tests. Patti's going to call after she speaks to the doctor." She examined the box she just accepted. "What's this?"

"Your parents took the girls out for dinner and a movie." 

"Jed, why are you dressed in a tux and what is this you just gave me?" 

"It's a ball gown, Abbey. We have a date, remember?" 

It was obvious she didn't. "I'm sorry?"

"It's the Winter Carnival Ball at Dartmouth. We bought the tickets months ago."

Months ago, she thought. Months ago, she was still pregnant, planning for a perfectly healthy infant. A romantic evening with her husband was a possibility back then, but certainly not now. "Oh, Jed. I swear, I forgot." She shook her head. "We can't go. Not tonight."

Jed took her hand and lifted her up so she was sitting against the cushions. "We have to go."

"Why?"

"Because you and I haven't had a full night together since Zoey was born. We have to do this."

"We can't do this. Didn't you hear what I said? They took Zoey for tests. Patti's supposed to call." She put the box on the floor beside her and stood to walk away. "I'm sorry, but we can't go anywhere tonight."

Jed slipped his arm around hers and spun her back around. "Do you remember what you told me a few weeks ago? That we'd spend some time together, just the two of us?"

"Honey, I'm so sorry. I really am. But I just wouldn't be good company. I'll make it up to you next week. Just not tonight, okay? I want to be near the phone."

"Tonight's the night of the ball, a ball you and I have attended every single year since I began teaching at Dartmouth. The girls are out with your parents. I've gone to a lot of trouble to plan the perfect evening. Please, Abbey. It's important to me." 

There were gleams of desperation flashing in his baby blues. Abbey stared at him for a moment longer then picked up the abandoned box before she headed to the bedroom. The past couple of months had been emotionally draining for the entire family, but it was the relationship between Jed and Abbey that suffered the most. Now that they had overcome the rough patches and renewed their affectionate bond, she knew that he was right. It was time to rediscover one another. To reconnect, not just as parents, but as best friends. As husband and wife. As lovers. 

Jed approached the mirror hanging on the wall over the mantle. He smirked at his reflection as he straightened his bowtie. "Hurry up. Liz and Ellie won't be gone all night."

"I'm going as fast as I can," Abbey shouted from the bedroom. "How did you know my size?" 

"The great thing about your body is that even when you gain weight or lose weight, your proportions stay the same and every time you have a baby, your body just rebounds to exactly where it was before."

"So?"

"So I have all your measurements stored in my brain." He tapped on his forehead. "In fact, I bet I can tell you exactly how many inches your waist is during each month of pregnancy."

"Oh, please! You cannot!"

"Try me. Month one, you're still not showing, so..." He trailed off, leaving his mouth open as his eyes widened to twice their normal size.

There she stood, dressed in the crimson-colored ball gown. He knew it would look great on her, but even he was amazed at how much he underestimated her beauty. It was strapless and beaded. A layer of red and burgundy jewels was stitched into the rich matte fabric of the bodice and across the straight neckline that cleverly hid the slopes of her breasts while accentuating a subtle hint of cleavage. The dress hugged every curve on her upper body, then flared out at the waist overtop a concealed layer of crinoline and fell over her shoes, just barely grazing the floor.

"You like?" She grabbed the sides of the gown and circled around herself.

"I REALLY like."

"Is my hair okay? I didn't have too much time to work on it." Her dark, wavy tresses were restrained in an elegant French twist. 

"It's perfect," he said, eyeing her from top to bottom. "You're perfect."

"Thank you for this dress. It's breathtaking. I love it."

"And it fits."

"It's just a little big."

"Then I guess I'll have to hold you close so it won't fall down." 

She smiled sweetly as she reached for her coat. "I guess we should go."

"You won't need that." He held up a matching crimson, jewel-encrusted shawl to sweep over her shoulders.

"Jed, it's almost February in New Hampshire. I'm going to freeze."

"Trust me, Abbey. I won't let you freeze," he assured her as he covered her with the shawl and adoringly squeezed her arms. "Let's go."

Abbey began to walk towards the door, but Jed veered her off to the side. "What are you doing?"

"I want to show you something out back."

"What?"

He opened the door and led her out onto the stoop. As if jolted by a wave, Abbey immediately gasped and pulled her hands up to her mouth at the vision of the sparkling lights that lit up the yard. She took a few cautious steps, turning around when she spotted a square-shaped pavilion just a few feet away. Bewildered, her eyes melted into his, searching for an answer.

"Go ahead," Jed encouraged as he ushered her towards the structure and through the double doors onto the hardwood floor. The interior red cedar pillars were decorated with lights snuggled in a bed of red and white satin streamers which altered their colors and shaded them with a rosy glow. 

"A gazebo?" 

"A heated gazebo, Babe." He shut the doors and closed one of the windows that had been left open for ventilation, creating a barrier against the frigid weather outside. "If we get cold, we can turn up the heat." 

Abbey handled the baby monitor which sat on a table beside a battery-operated tape player. "I don't understand."

Jed took it from her grasp and placed it on the railing. "The other one's in the house so we'll hear the phone the second it rings. In the meantime, this is our night."

"What about the ball?" 

"Who wants to go to a fancy-shmancy ball when I have everything I need right here?" He pulled her by the hips and wrapped his arms around her waist. 

"You do. You love those things. You love anything that requires getting dressed up."

"We're dressed up and we look mighty fine. Wouldn't you agree?" She tilted her head to the side, laughing. "I bet we could pose for the top of a wedding cake."

"You're incredible."

"Why? Because I love the way we look all rigged out?"

"Because you're an incredibly romantic and caring man and I don't know what I ever did to deserve you," she replied in a more serious tone. "When did you have time to do all this?"

"I bought the gazebo back in November as a surprise, but I forgot all about it until a few weeks ago. It took them all day today to set it up."

"While I was gone."

"Yeah. And I really hope you like it because I'm having it moved to the farm next week. Maybe we'll even get a hot tub installed on the side."

"Oh, Jed..."

He covered her lips with his finger to quiet her as he pushed the button on the tape player and pulled her in closer. They swayed softly to the lyrics of 'In This Life.' "Are you cold?"

"Mmm-mmm." She pressed herself deeper into his frame, her eyes gazing, once again, at the baby monitor beside them. "I'm just thinking I'm so lucky to have you."

Jed released his hold and stepped back to look her into her eyes. "We're lucky to have each other."

Outside, a few stray snowflakes fell from the navy blue sky, dropping past the eight arched windows that lined the winterhouse. At first, it provided a beautiful backdrop for the evening, but as the storm grew stronger and ominous clouds hovered above, the wind picked up speed, howling through the small crack in the door and screeching as it slammed against all the glass. 

Abbey was initially startled by the blast of loud noise. "Is this thing strong enough to withstand a storm?"

"I'm told it is, but if you'd rather move inside..."

"No, I'm fine."

Protected by the shelter of the gazebo, they continued dancing for a solid hour. The blustery weather was no match for the warmth that exuded their bodies when they were meshed against one another. Jed kept his hand on Abbey's waist and held the other up beside them as he twirled her around the floor spinning her out, then back in to snuggle into his inviting embrace.

Mesmerized by her glamorous looks, he ran his finger across her cheekbone. "If you get any lovelier, I won't be able to catch my breath around you."

"That's so sweet." She turned a suspicious glare his way. "Where did you get it?"

He suddenly stopped swaying and moved back to separate their bodies. "See what you did? You just ruined the moment."

"I'm sorry," she said, chuckling while she forced her way back into his arms. 

"You are just so beautiful, Abbey. I mean it. If I wasn't so concerned that this floor would be freezing cold, I'd be tempted to have my way with you right here and now."

"Good thing heat rises then," she whispered against his ear as she pressed herself into his chest. "I have other plans for tonight."

Excited by her fingers gently nipping at his rear, he replied, "Then I REALLY think we should move this inside." 

Silently, Abbey backed away, rearranging her shawl with one hand and grabbing Jed's arm with the other. The couple sauntered towards the house and took an immediate left turn, leading them down the hall and into the master bedroom. 

Jed closed the door behind them and spun around to find Abbey standing in front of him, her arms prominently folded around one another and her shawl thrown on the back of her vanity chair. 

"Hi," she said with a flirtatious grin.

"Hi." He held out his hands for hers, but she shook her head and moved out of his reach. "What?"

"You know, a few months ago, you and I had a bet going - one that you lost." She had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to trap him in his debt.

"Ah, the sex bet?"

"The sex bet," she confirmed. "You promised you could quit smoking for the duration of my pregnancy and you didn't. So, it's time to pay up."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"It means, for the next two weeks, I get to have my way with you, make you do anything I want to me, and you have to let me do anything I want to you." She closed the gap between them, moving in to stand mere inches away while she unbuttoned his jacket and slipped it off his shoulders.

"This could get very interesting." Jed stepped out of his shoes, pulled off his socks, and fingered his bowtie, undoing it as quickly as she untucked his shirttails.

Abbey smacked his hand. "I'm driving tonight." 

He stood still then, an amorous smile forming across his face as he blushed at her eagerness to take control. It was hard and fast, the ambitious way she tugged on his pants to pull them to the ground. She slipped her hand into the elastic on his briefs and lowered them with the same fierce urgency that seemed to motivate all her actions. Her hands dipped under the bottom hem of his shirt and caressed his skin all the way up to his chest. She moved them apart, yanking the fabric open and letting it fall carelessly to the ground. 

Glued to his spot, Jed watched as Abbey turned her back to him and reached behind herself to the low zipper that kept her bundled inside the crimson ball gown. She leisurely unzipped, revealing her black strapless bra inch by inch until she reached the very top of her garters and lacy black stockings. The gown fell from her frame and pooled around her ankles into a large heap of jeweled polyester chiffon. She lifted her ankle over the crinoline and stepped out of it, one stocking-covered leg at a time.

She turned suddenly, locking her eyes into his. "Lay down on the bed, face-up, with your hands above your head."

Jed raised his left brow as he inhaled a shaky breath. Overflowing with love, her emerald orbs stayed on him, inspecting him from head to toe, following every line of his nude body and smiling when his shivers convinced her he had surrendered to the erotic temptations that spurred inside him. 

"Okay." He walked timidly to the bed, well aware of his vulnerability. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm the only one naked."

"That's part of the fun, Babe." She circled her hands around his chest and moved up to gently massage the muscles of his shoulders while he fought to relax on his pillow. 

Abruptly, she let go and whirled around to face the foot of the bed. Her knees digging into the mattress, she straddled his upper body so he could see her panties clinging to her rear, outlining every single curve as she lifted his legs so the soles of his feet were resting on top of the sheets. He reached for the fasteners attached to the garter belt and released them instantly, giving her a devilish grin when she turned to face him.

"Fun for whom?" 

Abbey didn't verbally respond, but her wicked smile was followed by the warmth of her lips pinching his earlobe. Jed turned his head to give her better access as her mouth followed a trail down the side of his neck. He squirmed against the mind-numbing sensations that came from that simple gesture, finding that the more he wiggled, the tighter Abbey held on. 

She gripped his elbows to keep his arms over his head as she continued the passionate assault down his body. He thrust himself upward when her kisses landed on his chest. She nibbled lightly then blew over the rosy marks that colored his skin and proceeded down towards his private domain, the area that screamed for her touch. 

She moved over his belly and down to the creases along the apex of his inner thighs. His knees bent and his legs opened wide, she positioned herself between them as she leaned forward to lay on her tummy and probe his trembling flesh, purposely ignoring the throbbing appendage that was now hard with desire. 

"Jesus, Abbey, you're killing me here."

"Patience, Darling." 

"It's not one of my virtues."

"Then maybe you should have quit smoking. If you had, you wouldn't be in this predicament." Her face vanished once again as she lowered her head to the delicate area around his erection. She teased the sensitive skin with her tongue, gliding down until her chin just barely grazed his rear and he twitched with such intensity that his body rubbed harshly against the thin membrane of her lips. 

Without warning, her hand wrapped itself around his shaft, covering it while she stroked tightly as her kisses resurfaced, nearing the long-awaited encounter that would render him speechless. Within seconds, her mouth closed around him and his head fell back into the center of the pillow. He gasped sharply at her sudden invasion and bit down on his lip, quivering from the debilitating force of his restraint. 

"Abbey..." It was a strained effort to call her name.

She kept her mouth on him as she pushed her panties down her hips and over her stockinged legs to throw them off the edge of the bed. He was writhing in her powerful grip and when she finally released him to retrieve something from the nightstand, he swallowed hard in ragged breaths until she returned. She looked at him for approval then dressed him with a condom before mounting him and slowly lowering herself onto his shaft. 

She held still for several seconds then gradually worked him with long, deliberate movements until he grabbed her hips to create the friction he was longing for. His wrists scraped against the top of her lace stockings while his fingers played in the folds just above where they were so intimately joined, pressing into her flesh and forcing her to speed up the rhythm as he tickled that familiar spot that drove her out of her mind. 

In that instant, he took her control. She swayed from side to side as his hands urged her back and forth, giving them both the momentum to rise to the height of sexual ecstasy. Their bodies grinding against one another, her eyes clenched shut, her head fell back, and she swiftly tightened around him. He bore down on the bed and pushed himself up, his manhood swallowed completely into the depths of her femininity until she cried out his name and lethargically collapsed over him. 

Abbey never missed a beat. She composed herself and gripped the base of his shoulders to roll them over. Jed was on top now, still fully embedded inside her as he continued to thrust. She unhooked the front clasp to her bra and his face dipped into the silky soft valley between her breasts as his mouth pressed into the swells that shaped her buxom figure. 

She moved a hand between their bodies and coiled it around the base of his shaft, forming a narrow ring with her thumb and index finger. Her erotically constrictive hold nearly paralyzed him every time he pulled out of her, but her strong, shapely legs hugged his rear and pushed him back in, driving him to the deepest point of penetration. Her other hand lifted his head and traced the beads of sweat defining the faint creases that wrinkled his forehead when he plunged hard inside her one last time. His breath caught in his throat, his hips buckled, and he succumbed to the pulsating shockwaves that rippled throughout his body.

He breathed her name as his weakened limbs fell helplessly on top of her. "Is this what I can expect for two weeks?"

"This and much, much more." She stroked the dampened locks of hair that shadowed his forehead. "The condom didn't ruin the mood?"

"Nothing could have ruined what just happened."

"Once we get Zoey home and establish a breastfeeding schedule, I'll go back on the pill. That's when the fun really begins!"

Jed summoned his strength to slide to her side, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her on top of him. "All this for smoking? You don't think this is more of a reward than a punishment?"

"Oh, I do. But punishment wasn't really the object of the game tonight. That'll come later. Tonight was a reward for cutting back considerably on the cigarettes and..." she trailed off to kiss his lips. "...for loving me."

"It's not like THAT'S hard to do." An endearing smile dominating his face, he began to run his fingers up the length of her arm. She stopped him just before he brushed past her elbow. 

"If I tell you something, you won't make fun of me?"

"Abbey, no." Still catching his breath, Jed sat up slightly, preparing himself for whatever she had to say. "What is it?"

"When we were dancing tonight to our song, it occurred to me that I never actually told you why." She slipped her hand under his and joined their palms together.

"Why what?"

"The reason why I wanted that song to play at our wedding and why I have to be close to you every time I hear it. The lyrics just resonate with me, Jed. I feel empty without you. Your love is what keeps me going, it's the treasure that I long to find every single day."

"And if the world stops turning, if the sun stops burning..." He was smirking now.

"You promised." He made an exaggerated show of locking his lips together, encouraging her to continue. "Seriously, I feel safe in your arms and no matter what happens, I know it's going to be okay."

"Because I love you?"

"Yeah. As cheesy as it is, that's my rock - knowing that I'm loved by you."

"You'll always be loved by me." He dropped a tender kiss to the top of her head then scooted his rear back down to reclaim his spot on the pillow. "So this is what I get for cutting back on the cigarettes, huh?"

Abbey cuddled in the crook of his arm with her head tucked under his chin and her hands feeling the warm flesh of his chest. She took a deep breath and whispered, "Imagine what would happen if you quit smoking entirely."

 

TBC


	25. Phoenix

Abbey weaved through the colorfully tangled mess above the small crib that had been her daughter's private sanctuary for the better part of a week. Stronger and bigger than ever before, Zoey had been moved out of her incubator and into an adjoining nursery as her condition rapidly improved, surpassing even the most optimistic medical expectations. 

She would be kept in the neonatal ICU until at least the end of February, a team of neonatologists had initially told Jed and Abbey. And even then, they cautioned, she would probably be discharged with a tank of oxygen. Sixty-two days later, on the second day of February, the youngest Bartlet proved them wrong. Armed with the same steely determination that coursed through her parents' veins, she shattered the questionable prognosis and emerged as a seven-pound infant, ready to continue her recovery at home. 

During this visit, Abbey didn't have to maneuver around an obstacle course of machines and tubes in order to get to Zoey. This time, the only thing blocking her path was a web of stray strings descending from the helium balloons that floated just above her bed. 

Abbey moved them slightly so she could glance down at the wiggly baby. "Hi, Sweetheart."

Zoey looked up at her through a pair of beautiful green eyes and cooed at the sight of her mother, one of the few people she actually recognized. 

"Are you ready to go home? You are, aren't you?" Abbey smiled at her daughter as the first layer of tears fogged her vision. "I'm so ready to take you home, Zo. I'm so ready." 

She pulled over the same uncomfortable metal chair she had been using for the past two months, but as she took a seat, it occurred to her that something was different. It didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable today. 

"I know you don't understand a word I'm saying, but you're looking right at me, so I hope somewhere in my face, you can see how much love I have for you. I hope it's just radiating from my eyes because I don't think I could express it even if you could understand. I love you so much, Zoey."

Logically, she knew Zoey wasn't responding to her declaration, but it didn't stop the warm tingle that invaded her senses when her baby girl stretched out her tiny arms and squealed cheerfully.

"Some people believe that children choose their parents. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, someday, you'll have to tell me why you chose me because I'm at a loss. I don't know why I was picked, but I'm so happy I was."

Torn by the guilt she had harbored for so long, her mascara flowed in a light trail of tears down her face. She swiped away the moisture with her fingers.

"When I was pregnant, your daddy told me that you were our little Phoenix. He's probably already told you that story and if he hasn't, don't worry, he will." 

Zoey let out a big breath and made a sound resembling a soft baby giggle. 

"It's okay to laugh. He is the storyteller in the family. He'll tell you all kinds of wonderful stories and then he'll retell them and retell them and retell them until you're so sick of them, you'd be thrilled if he never told you another story ever again. But when that happens, do me a favor and don't say anything. Just sit back and enjoy them and remind yourself how blessed you are to have such an extraordinary man as your father." 

Zoey suddenly stilled as if listening attentively. Abbey assumed she was probably focusing on the way her mother's mouth moved with the words. 

"Anyway, when he tells you the story of the Phoenix, listen closely because the Phoenix was a beautiful bird that early Christian authors used as a symbol of immortality to represent the idea that life is the most precious thing in the world. Every 500 years, the Phoenix burned itself and then a new Phoenix was born. The baby bird rose out of the ashes of its parent even stronger and tougher than the one before it. Every time the life cycle continued and a new Phoenix was born, it strengthened the entire species. Just like you. Your birth and your life has changed our entire family. It's made us all stronger - your sisters, your father, and especially me. You've strengthened my heart and you've strengthened my faith like you wouldn't believe."

She changed her tone slightly, the seriousness fading into a bit of levity.

"That isn't exactly how your dad will tell the story. He'll say you're our little Phoenix. You're our proof that our love can rise out of the ashes of turmoil and despair, or some such nonsense. And when he tells you that, you just smile at him, then turn a private wink in my direction and you and I will silently bask in the glory of the knowledge that my interpretation is actually the right one."

When Zoey crinkled her forehead and began to fidget restlessly, Abbey stood up and reached into the bed, tucking her hands underneath her frame to lift her out of the crib.

"I can already tell you're going to be a Daddy's girl. You started whining the second I teased him." 

She cradled Zoey into her arms, elevating her head and staring directly into her eyes. 

"One more thing. I'm sorry. When you were inside of me, I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you. I'm sorry you had to spend your first two months on this planet inside a hospital. I'm so sorry. I swear I'm going to make it up to you, even if it takes the rest of my life." 

She raised the infant into a vertical hold, cupping her small head in her palm. A few feet away, Nurse Patti stood quietly, admiring the scene in front of her. There were times in her career when a parent's love touched her so deep inside her soul that it made her weak in the knees and nearly brought her to tears. This was one of those times. She was reminded of the past two months, of all those nights she came in to the NICU, on her own time, to give Abbey a sounding board to air her frustration. She recalled every hour she worked off the clock so she could personally check in on Zoey and assure the on-duty nurse was keeping her comfortable.

Like Abbey and Jed, Patti sobbed over Zoey's bed each time the baby cried out and squirmed against the sharp point of a needle pricking her tiny veins, each time she was scared by the bright lights that surrounded her and penetrated her skin to treat her jaundice, each time she was taken from the safety of the people she knew for a battery of tests that frightened her and sometimes even hurt her.

From the moment she was born, Zoey had been clinging to life with the tips of her fingers, a defenseless newborn too weak to even cry. Those first few days, her cries were barely heard. They were short and ragged. More like little squeaks, the doctors said, than a baby's cry. It disturbed Patti to know the infant's only form of communication was stifled by underdeveloped lungs. She couldn't count on Zoey's sounds to alert her to her pain or discomfort. Instead, she had to rely on the baby's face because quite often, across Zoey's rosy little cheeks, fell silent, voiceless tears.

Then, things began to change and Patti wept tears of joy when Zoey began to show miraculous signs of improvement. She wept on Christmas Day when the baby finally received the comfort she had been longing for in her parents' arms. She wept two weeks later when Jed was allowed to feed his daughter for the very first time. 

It had been a long, tiring journey filled with days and nights of constant medical attention and endless nurturing touches from her nurses, as well as her parents, to get her to the point she was at now. It all led to this. 

"Well, you look like a mother who's taking her baby home today." Patti took a few steps towards Abbey, her trepidation fairly visible for intruding on such an intimate moment. 

Abbey greeted her with an inviting smile. "It's amazing, isn't it? It's my dream come true. I just have to remind myself that it's for real. You know, up until yesterday, I was terrified of assembling her crib." 

"Oh?"

"I was so worried that if I did that maybe she'd take a turn for the worst..." She cut herself off, unable to even contemplate the notion of tempting fate. "Finally, last night, Jed and I stayed up all night to put it up and I just sat there well into the morning, staring at it, picturing her moving around inside it. I can't believe I get to take her out of here."

"It is for real, Abbey, and Zoey's not going to take a turn for the worst. You're past that now."

"I know."

"Jed's finishing up the paperwork and then you should be good to go." Patti lovingly stroked Zoey's cheek with her thumb. "You have all the doctor's instructions?"

"Yes and I just renewed my infant and child CPR certification last week, I made an appointment with Dr. Hanson for a follow-up on Friday, and I know exactly what to look for in regard to developmental complications. Should I detect any abnormality, I'll be back here before you know it."

"She's lucky to have you as a mother."

Abbey shook her head. "You have that backwards. I'm lucky she's my daughter." 

"You know about the NICU reunion this summer?"

"I do." She bent her knees in a steady bounce after a series of intermittent whimpers from an impatient Zoey. "By then, I'll have resumed my residency, hopefully, so you can remind me should I forget."

"Oh, I will. We'll want this little angel here for that special day."

Jed approached from behind them, surprising both women as he wrapped an arm around Abbey's waist. "You ready?"

"Just about."

"Did you tell her?" 

"Not yet." 

Their sly grins pointed at her, Patti eyed the couple suspiciously. "Tell me what?"

"When Jed and I named Zoey, we didn't have a middle name picked out. And now we do."

"What is it?"

"Patricia." Jed's smile widened as Patti crossed her hands over her chest. Her eyes began to shine and a faint blush blended in to her creamy white complexion.

"Oh my God. I don't know what to say."

"Say you're definitely coming to her Christening."

"I wouldn't miss it." She leaned forward to place a tender kiss on Zoey's cheek. Her fingers ran along the baby's arm immediately afterwards. "Thank you."

Abbey reached around the nurse's neck and pulled her into a hug. "We're the ones who owe you a big thank you. In fact, we owe you more. Much, much more."

"I just did my job."

"No you didn't. You went way beyond the call of duty," Jed added with a light handshake that led to a friendly embrace. "Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you." 

He backed away and the three exchanged one last smile before Jed followed Abbey out of the NICU.

The ride home was a silent one. Abbey sat in the back with Zoey while Jed drove cautiously, slowing down to a crawl as he hit curves, turns, and speedbumps. His feet barely touched the gas pedal, his average speed never even approached the speed limit, and his hands clutched the steering wheel tightly - the same way they had when he and Abbey brought Ellie home from the hospital, similar to the way he lightheartedly ordered the hands of the taxi driver who chauffeured them with newborn Lizzie through the streets of London. 

Already, a half hour had passed and what was supposed to be a ten-minute drive hadn't ended. Abbey didn't mind though. She rested her arm on Zoey's infant carseat and stared straight ahead, stealing a glance in the rearview mirror every now and then to see Jed's big blue eyes looking back at her. 

He braked to a halt just short of the driveway, laughing proudly at Liz and Ellie jumping up and down, each holding a Crayola-painted sign to welcome their baby sister. "Look at our girls."

"They're great, aren't they?"

The girls ditched the posters and ran towards the car as soon as Jed peaked the top of the cement slope and parked in front of the garage. They hovered beside Jed and followed him to Abbey's door, anxious to help their parents fumble with the latch to the carseat to retrieve Zoey. 

"Can I hold her?" an exuberant Lizzie asked. It was a far cry from the apprehensive way she initially reacted to baby Ellie.

"Me too!" Ellie echoed her big sister.

"You can both hold her after we get inside and you wash your hands. She's still a little weak and susceptible to germs." Jed carried Zoey. Liz and Ellie guarded him on either side while Abbey and her parents trailed a few steps behind. 

"What's supedible, Daddy?" Ellie looked up at him curiously and sped up her pace to keep up. 

"Sus-cept-ible. It means she can get sick very easily." Jed delivered Zoey to Mary's waiting arms.

"We don't want to make her sick."

"That's why you have to be careful, Sweetheart." Abbey bent down to Ellie's level and brushed the bangs out of her face. "Go wash your hands." 

"Okay!" 

She chuckled as Ellie excitedly ran down the hall towards the bathroom. Beside her, Mary and James took turns joyously passing Zoey off to one another, already praising their youngest granddaughter with words of adoration. 

Jed snuck up on Abbey's other side and tweaked her shoulder to get her attention. "Are you okay?"

"Can you handle things here for a while?"

"Where are you going?"

"I have an errand to run." 

"What kind of errand?"

"I'll tell you about it when I get back." She gave him a kiss on his lips and headed out the front door without further explanation.

Just as Abbey had said before, Zoey's life had strengthened her faith. Never had she felt as grateful to a higher power as she had when watching her healthy, happy family gather around the newest - and smallest - member of the Bartlet clan. She knew it was time now to reclaim her spiritual identity, something she had pretty much neglected for the past few months. She needed to rebuild her trust in God and rely, once again, on the religious guidance that had been her protective stronghold since she was a little girl. 

This was something Jed couldn't help her do. It was something that could only be done by her.

When she walked through the familiar doubledoors of The Immaculate Heart of Mary, she was confronted with a multitude of memories. This was a familiar church, the place where she, Jed, Ellie, and Lizzie found solace every Sunday morning, the place where Lizzie took her First Communion, where Ellie attended Sunday School, the place where Zoey would be baptized.

She felt secure in this place and as she roamed the halls searching for the man who could offer her the reprieve she was seeking, she realized the safety of the church wasn't in the structure of the building. It was in the spirituality that had been awakened inside her. 

"Abbey." Father Tom Cavanaugh removed his glasses and set them on his desk as he glanced up at the guest who had knocked on his open door. 

"I'm sorry for just stopping by."

"It's not a problem. Please have a seat."

Abbey stepped in and sat down in front of him. Her legs crossed and her hands clasped on her lap, she smiled. "Hi."

"How's Zoey?"

"She's good. We brought her home today."

"I'm very happy to hear that. We've all been praying for her."

"Thank you." Abbey lowered her head as if ashamed to respond. "There's something I want to ask you."

"You know, about six weeks ago, she was very, very sick and I suggested to Jed that you might want to have her baptized right there in the hospital. We could have even done it in the NICU. But he dismissed the idea."

"It was probably because of me."

Father Cavanaugh stood up and walked to the front of his desk. He moved one of the side chairs so he could sit beside her. "It was. You lost your faith, Abbey."

"I didn't lose my faith. Not entirely. We named her Zoey because I still had some hope of divine intervention. And I prayed. Not as much as I used to, but there were times when I said a prayer. I didn't exactly lose my faith. I just wasn't ready to celebrate it."

"And you are now?"

"We planned her Christening right away, didn't we?"

"Yes, I guess you did."

Abbey rose to her feet and turned from the priest. "It was just hard. It was so hard to believe in God when we were dealt blow after blow after blow since last summer. I felt like we were being punished and I didn't know why."

"That's how Jed felt too."

Surprised, she spun around to face him. "What?"

"You weren't the only one who questioned your faith. Jed came to see me after you were assaulted and again after they found a glove at the crime scene. He felt guilty for not protecting you, powerless for not having the answers, and he thought that perhaps this was God's punishment for something he had done."

"That's ridiculous. He hasn't done anything."

"And neither have you. This wasn't God's doing. You both know that."

"For the past two months, I feel like I've been holding my breath, like I've been expecting the worst because I'm no longer used to hoping for the best. When you feel like that, it's not always easy to be rational."

Tom approached her, his open hands eager to hold hers. "My Dearest Abigail, it is easy when it comes to Him. You just have to believe that He isn't going to let you down."

"I do believe that. It took me a while, but I do."

"Sure, right now."

"What?"

"It isn't difficult to have faith when things are good. What matters is what you do with it when things aren't. That's how you measure your commitment to Him. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to turn away from the Church if you need a break now and then, as long as you come back. That is why you're here, isn't it?"

"Yes," Abbey adamantly replied. "I'm working on getting back to where I was before last summer. It may take a little while, but in the meantime, we have Zoey's Christening coming up and there's something I have to do before the ceremony. I was hoping you'd help me with it."

"What's that?"

Her raw emotions slowly seeped out through her glassy eyes. She paused then to clear her throat and summon a strong level of energy behind her words. "Will you hear my confession?"

 

TBC


	26. Phoenix

"Unforgettable, that's what you are..."

Jed Bartlet was a man of many talents. Aside from being a savvy local politician and brilliant economics professor, he was a world-class father who could transform himself into an enchanting vocalist at the drop of a hat if it meant he'd win his children's love. It was the way he bonded with one-week-old Lizzie. It was how he kept a newborn Ellie's attention. And on this day, hunched over his youngest daughter's crib in the master bedroom, it was how he mesmerized baby Zoey.

His knees bent repeatedly in a delicate bounce and his entire frame swayed to the tune of Nat King Cole's Unforgettable. Only half dressed, he stepped away from the crib and slipped into a white shirt, tucking the tails into his navy slacks without missing a single beat. 

On the other side of the room, two pairs of eyes peeked through the small crack in the door. Giggles immediately followed as Ellie sat on the floor and looked on while Liz hovered above her and cupped her hands around her eyes for the best possible view.

Initially, Jed missed their girlish laughs, but seconds later when he paused during his song, he caught a second of the unmistakable sound. "I hear you, Girls." 

Ellie stood up and Liz quickly closed the door. Her hands grabbed the knob with all her might as if that would keep him away.

"Your sisters think they're so smart," Jed told Zoey, loud enough to purposely penetrate the thin walls. "They think I don't know that they've made a regular habit out of eavesdropping, despite your mother's and my objection. Do me a favor, Zoey. When you're older, don't let them drag you into their shenanigans."

With one hand, he yanked on the knob forcefully enough to pull Liz into the room. 

"Hi," she said sheepishly.

"Hi. You wanna join us?"

"Ellie was curious."

"No, I wasn't!" 

Jed hid his amusement as Ellie stepped up next to her sister to dispute the accusation. He folded his arms in front of his chest and approached both girls. "What's so funny?"

"Mommy says you wiggle your eyebrows when you sing." 

Lizzie nudged her little sister. "Ellie!"

"She did say it and she didn't say I can't tell Daddy." The five-year-old addressed Liz then turned back to her father. "And he does wiggle his eyebrows."

"Yeah, I do wiggle my eyebrows, but that isn't what you guys were laughing at. What else did your mother tell you?"

"Nothing," Liz answered before Ellie could say another word.

Unconvinced, Jed donned a gloomy expression and kneeled in front of his middle daughter. "Eleanor, don't you want to tell your dad what it is that Mommy said? Come on. It would make me so happy." 

"Hey, that isn't fair!" Liz argued, knowing Ellie couldn't resist her father's sad face. 

Jed silently agreed and stood to confront Liz. "Tell me."

"Uh uh." Liz adamantly shook her head.

"Okay." If they didn't want to tell, he wasn't going to force them. Or so he wanted them to believe. He turned away momentarily then fiercely whirled around. His hands gripped Lizzie's waist and he lifted her into the air, spinning her around three times before dropping her on the bed. 

The eleven-year-old's screams were mixed with laughter as Jed began to tickle her unmercifully. "I'm not gonna tell!"

"Tell me!" he teased Lizzie as his right hand coiled around a giggly Ellie to drag her into the fray.

Within seconds, the situation that rapidly escalated into a rowdy three-way pillow fight between father and daughters was abruptly cut short by Zoey's fussy objection. Squirming around in her crib, the baby's hardened cries drowned out the laughter of her sisters and forced Jed to jump to his feet to tend to her. 

"Did we scare you, Sunshine?" He reached under her fidgety form and pulled her out of the crib into a comforting embrace. "We're just playing. Everyone's okay. We're not the hooligans you must think we are."

"Sure we are!" Lizzie replied.

"What does that mean?" Ellie asked.

Jed opened his mouth to answer Ellie and simultaneously correct Liz, but the doorbell interrupted his thoughts. "Lizzie, go answer the door."

"Okay." She slid off the bed and mumbled as she brushed by her father on the way out. "She said your brows aren't the only things you wiggle."

Her triumphant snicker echoed through the room and she turned her head slightly to hear his reaction while she walked down the hallway. 

"Do you have a problem with my dance moves?" he shouted.

"Not me. Mom," Lizzie shouted back just as she came face to face with her grandfather.

John stood in the doorway, a neatly wrapped present in his hand and a wide smile on his face. "Elizabeth?"

"Hi." She recognized the features. She knew the voice. She may not have seen him in more than six years, but she hadn't forgotten this man. 

"May I come in?"

Lizzie nodded and cleared the way. "Daddy's getting ready for the christening."

John took a long look at his granddaughter. From head to toe, his eyes glanced over the preteen he had last seen as a little girl. "You've certainly grown up to be a beautiful young woman."

"Thanks." She smiled.

"May I have a hug?" He opened his arms to her and took a few steps to close the gap between them. Liz returned the hug without hesitation. 

"Lizzie, who was at the d..." Jed cut himself off, startled at the sight of his father. "Dad?"

John pulled away from Liz. "Hi, Son."

"I thought you were meeting us at the church."

"I thought I could grab a ride with you. Maybe we could catch up before the ceremony." He handed him the gift he was still holding.

"Thanks."

"What is it?" Lizzie asked.

"It's a surprise," Jed answered.

"For Zoey. Why can't I know?"

"Go get your coat." Jed used a serious tone now, proof that his jovial mood had instantaneously disappeared. Liz did as she was told, leaving the living room in favor of her bedroom. "Abbey's setting up at the reception hall and everyone else is meeting us at church."

"Where are Eleanor and Zoey?" John detected the tension that promptly stiffened his son's posture, but he continued. "I've never met either one of them."

Jed wasn't shocked by the implied request, but any time he was confronted with the thought of introducing his daughters to his father, his calm demeanor suddenly faded into an anxiety-ridden bundle of nerves. He did his best to disguise his trepidation and led the older man to the master bedroom without further comment.

"Ellie..."

"Oh my God. She's precious!" John interrupted his son, darting out from behind him and scooping Ellie up into his arms. "I'm your Grandpa Bartlet."

"Hi." Ellie greeted him quietly.

Noticing his daughter's discomfort, Jed intervened to take her out of John's hold. "Dad, she's shy." 

John backed away.. "She's fine. Aren't you, Sweet Girl?" Ellie nodded. "See?"

Jed knew his daughter better than that. She would never hurt the man's feelings, but she certainly didn't look like she wanted to be held by a total stranger. He clutched her frame and took her out of his John's hands. "Ellie, do me a favor. Go get your coat and tell your sister we're going to leave in a few minutes. We're already late."

"Okay!" He lowered her to the ground and watched her skip out of the room. 

"I wasn't going to hurt her."

"Ellie doesn't know you. She has to get to know you in order to feel comfortable with you. That's just how she is."

Shyness wasn't a foreign concept to John. Growing up, he was a lot like Ellie, shyer than his brothers, more reserved than his father. "Does that mean you're going to let me get to know her?"

"Maybe," Jed replied. "As long as, this time, you respect my wishes. If you pull what you pulled with Lizzie ever again, that's it. You're out of all our lives for good."

A tense moment passed between the two men as silence lingered in the air and they exchanged a menacing glance. Usually the first to back down and apologize any time he struck a nerve, Jed held his ground this time, refusing to surrender to his father's steely glare.

"And, of course, this is Zoey." John walked around Jed to get to the crib, ignoring the warning without anything more than a look of discontent.

"Please don't pick her up. She's sleeping. We want her to sleep now because it's going to be a long day."

"I won't pick her up," he promised, his hands raised to appease Jed. "She looks healthy. Is she?"

"She's okay right now. We have to keep a close eye on her for the next several years. Regular doctors visits to make sure she's growing and developing as she should be." Just when Jed and Abbey were comfortable with all the tricks of parenting, Zoey's birth had thrown them a curve ball. 

"I spent a lot of time wishing nothing but good things for her, and for you and Abbey."

His numerous cards and phone calls had proclaimed his concern, but hearing John say the words in person filled Jed's heart with a warmth he didn't expect. It touched him in a way his father rarely had before. "That means a lot."

"I appreciate you inviting me to the christening. Really." John stared down adoringly at his youngest granddaughter, careful not to wake her as he gently pressed a finger to his lips then dropped it to Zoey's forehead.

"Abbey and I talked about it and we decided that you should be there if you wanted to be."

"It was nice of you to ask your brother to be her Godfather, especially since he was so hurt that you neglected to ask him to do that for Elizabeth and Eleanor."

Well, that didn't take long. No matter how insignificant it may have been, John's verbal jab provoked a rise in Jed's defensive hackles. "Abbey wanted her sister and brother-in-law for Lizzie, and for Ellie, we chose Millie and Leo. I spoke to Jack about it. He understood."

"He's your brother, Jed. Family should come first."

"I know what he is. I made the decision that was best for my girls."

"If you didn't think he was good enough then, why now?"

"Dad, do we have to do this? Today?" This was a no-win situation and with John Bartlet, any no-win situation could easily lead to an explosive argument. 

"It was because he reminded you too much of me, wasn't it? It was because you feared if you let your brother get close, it would mean you'd have to let me get close too."

"I'm not going to discuss this with you."

John spoke louder, his head tilting with Jed's so his words couldn't be avoided. "And now, you've finally realized you can't shut us out. You invited me, you asked Jack to be Godfather."

"Yes."

"You're letting us back in, Jed," he said calmly.

Jed could have sworn he heard his father's voice tremble for the very first time, but before it could fully register, John paused and it was up to him to fill the silent void. "I don't think we should go down this road."

"Thank you. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you."

It had taken more than 30 years for Jed to feel a glimmer of hope in the tenuous relationship with his father. It wasn't what John said. It was the way he said it. Ten thousand apologies, ten thousand thank yous could never equal one gracious comment said with as much sincerity. 

"I'm glad you came today," was all he could say. 

"I'm glad I came too."

Jed lifted Zoey out of her crib and cradled the sleeping infant in his arms as he gestured to the white christening gown draped over the chest. "Can you..." 

"Oh. Sure." The gown in his hand, John followed Jed out of the bedroom, called out for the girls, and helped get them settled in the car.

Just as he had hoped, the ride to the church provided John with an opportunity to get reacquainted with his son. Though his attempts at deeper conversation were skirted by Jed, he settled for a lighter exchange to learn about the legal side of the aftermath of Abbey's attack and the five-year prison sentence bestowed upon Frank Crews.

Jed was delighted to share the story, not because of the lackluster punishment Frank received, but because he was thrilled to emphasize the fact that he and Abbey were a united front now, both determined to show up at regular parole hearings to ensure the bastard served every single day of his sentence.

Usually responding with an air of indifference to Jed's political accomplishments, John compensated for past mistakes with an exaggerated show of pride at learning about the situation with Hashem and Manaz, the immigrant couple targeted by the INS in the midst of the Iran hostage crisis. He listened attentively as Jed explained the reason he encouraged them to seek legal counsel and even helped Hashem draft a letter to President Carter. It was that letter, sent during a Presidential election year and forwarded to INS headquarters in the nation's capital, that sparked another investigation and eventually, cleared Hashem to begin the Green Card process so he could discard his student visa status and the family could stay in the country. 

As an impetuous token of support, John even agreed when Jed mapped out his legislative agenda. The Crimes Against Women's Bill had already been introduced and, in the coming weeks, state legislators would hear his proposal to mandate lower prices for dairy products. Nothing would come of it, of that he was sure. But if he could convince just a few colleagues, it would put a dent in a regional bill that was a shorter, simpler, much earlier version of what would someday be known as the New England Dairy Farmer's Compact, a bill that Jed would vote against as a state representative and later, as a United States Congressman.

Jed wasn't sure why his father was being conciliatory, but he didn't question it. Perhaps on any other day, he would have. But not today. On this day, a little miracle by the name of Zoey was being baptized. He wouldn't allow anything to ruin it. 

Zoey whimpered as they slowed down to approach the steep driveway of the church. She was agitated and impatient, still tired and yet restless. Her whimpers soon turned to cries and Jed's feeble attempts to squash them went virtually unnoticed by the baby. 

He lifted her out of the car and rubbed her back with soothing strokes, but she simply crinkled her nose and cried a little harder. "Look, Zoey. Mommy's coming. You're going to dry those tears for Mommy, aren't you?"

Her hands extended and reaching for Zoey, Abbey greeted her family. "I was wondering what was taking so long." She took Zoey into her arms. "Hi, Sweetheart."

"She's been a little fussy all day," Jed told her. "The only thing that seems to calm her is my singing."

"Then I guess you'll have to sing."

"I would, Babe, but I'm afraid all that 'wiggling' might scare the guests." He winked at her as her eyes widened with surprise and she looked over her shoulder to address her two daughters.

"The three of us are going to have a talk later."

"Ellie did it," Liz quickly replied. 

"I just told him he wiggles his eyebrows. Lizzie said you made fun of his dancing!"

"Will you take her inside please? It's way too cold out here." Abbey leaned into Jed to hand him Zoey. 

"Careful what you say about me, Sweet Knees," Jed whispered as he picked up the baby. "I now know how to break my spies." He cocked his head behind him with another wink just before he disappeared behind the double doors of the church entrance.

"Come here." Abbey kneeled to Ellie's level and twirled a finger around a few of her strawberry-blonde curls to clear her rosy cheeks. "That's much better."

"Are you mad that I told? I didn't know I wasn't supposed to. You never said it was a secret and you and Daddy don't like it when I keep secrets from you anyway."

"Of course I'm not mad. This wasn't a secret, Princess, and actually, I'm glad you told. He seemed to think it was funny." 

"It was funny."

She kissed Ellie's forehead on her way back up to talk to Liz. "And for the record, I did not make fun of his dancing. Your father's a wonderful dancer. I just think it's slightly amusing to watch him sway and shake for Zoey when he thinks no one's watching."

"So do I," Lizzie agreed, chuckling as she remembered the way he twirled himself around the room to get dressed.

"Yeah, but I'm allowed to make fun. You..." She yanked Lizzie's arm to pull her into a hug. "...be nice."

"I wasn't mean. I like it when he dances."

"Good. Then you can dance with him at the party tonight."

"I will!" she enthusiastically declared.

"I love you, Baby Doll." Abbey ran her finger through a tangle in Liz's long, brown tresses. "Take your sister and go find your Uncle Leo. Mallory's been waiting for you two since their plane landed."

"Okay." 

Liz didn't even have to reach for Ellie's hand. The mention of Mallory's name had kicked her excitement and energy into overdrive. "Let's go!"

Abbey waited until the door closed behind the girls before she turned around to face John. "Hi."

"Hi." He handed her the white dress he had been carrying for Zoey.

"Thanks." Her lips twitched as she fought the urge to say something more to make John realize how much it meant to Jed that he was able to put aside his own religious beliefs and attend the Catholic baptism of their youngest daughter. "I'm glad you came."

"Thank you for persuading Jed to invite me. I know that was your doing."

He obviously didn't understand his own son. If he had, he would have known this was never what Abbey would have suggested. Just the thought that Jed could be setting himself up for another disappointment made it too high a risk. "I didn't persuade him to do anything. Jed wanted you here. He invited you on his own. Does that surprise you?"

"A little, yes. I didn't think he had it in him to give me another chance. I didn't think he was that kind of man."

"The kind who forgives? You don't know Jed very well, do you? It's a shame because he's the most forgiving person I've ever met. I'd expect his father to know something like that about him, but you don't give him enough credit and that's part of the problem."

"It's complicated."

"Isn't everything?" Abbey returned. "I don't want to see Jed hurt this time so please, if at any point you feel insulted by some random gesture that you consider to be an inconsiderate, surly, boorish affront aimed at you, come to me because chances are, I'm the one behind it. Not Jed."

The corner of John's lip curved crookedly as his eyes narrowed in Abbey's direction. "Well, I couldn't ask for a warmer welcome than that. I'm going to say hello to my other son. If you'll excuse me..."

Abbey stepped to the side and watched as John walked away and entered the building. She then turned around, shocked to find Jed standing directly behind her. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his posture was perfectly straight. His ambiguous stare challenged her suspicions. Because he wasn't confused or flustered, she was convinced he had been watching for quite a while.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it, I'd imagine."

"Please don't be upset."

"Why would I be upset?"

"I know he's your father and I should be nicer to him, but..." She trailed off as Jed's mouth touched hers and his hands grasped the back of her head, pushing her into his kiss. 

When their lips parted several seconds later, his hands moved across her cheekbones and his right thumb traced the smooth skin just above her chin, below the swell of her bottom lip. "The ceremony's going to start soon."

He didn't tell her how much he appreciated her staunch defense of him. He didn't have to. His touch said it all. He gazed into her emerald orbs, expressing so much love and adoration that her knees suddenly weakened with the powerful emotions. She was just as protective of him as he had always been of her. It was that kind of loyalty that made each of them feel safe and secure, sheltered from the obstacles that occasionally rose between them, and ready to confront the barriers that would rise in the future. 

"We should go in then."

Abbey raised her hand to her face. Her palm gliding over his, her fingers covered Jed's and she lowered both hands down to the side. While leading him towards the church, she rested her head on his shoulder and he separated a few strands of her dark auburn hair to drop another kiss as she wrapped her arm around his waist. He did the same, holding her closer to his chest and squeezing gently as they crossed the threshold. 

 

The End

To be continued in On My Honor


End file.
